TOPAZ HORIZON

My favorite month in all the year is November. It's my birthday month and I love getting older. I usually spend the entire month celebrating.

But this year is different. First, Galady was fading away. Then she died.

Then I was also sick for a good two weeks, on my birthday in fact, which meant I had to hide away from the world. Being sick that long made me think that growing older isn't so nice after all. Then various aches and pains manifested themselves--a chronic pain in my right forefinger's joints, feeling gassy and tummy achy, the usual headaches, a strange feeling of emptiness in my sinuses. I wonder why this is happening all of a sudden. I do have a hormonal imbalance (I've been looking up bioidentical hormone replacement. Austin, Texas has a facility that offers it) and I haven't been back to my doctors for my usual check-ups. That's because I've been feeling invincible these past two years. Now, at just 33 years old and 19 days, I feel old and tired.  

Then some intrigues happened. I won't explain further but I'm hoping that that's finally done.

Then a truly horrible event in my country occurred just this Monday. In Maguindanao, a province way down south, at least 54 people were massacred for election-related reasons. The killing of one person in cold blood is horrific; imagine seeing bodies upon bodies piled on top of each other. The women were mutilated and sexually abused before they were riddled with bullets. The men were shot multiple times, too. Then there were people who just happened to be driving by--they were gunned down, too. This was no simple execution.

Seeing the earth by that sad roadside reddened by so much blood, I can actually feel my own blood responding, curdling in my veins, pounding in my head. The horror, the shock and the outrage I feel, that my countrymen feel and the world feels... This is just beyond comprehension.

After such knowledge, what forgiveness?