TOPAZ HORIZON

Tito Lito Calzado at my wedding in 2007

My Tito Lito died yesterday. I wasn't close to him but my Papa and Tito Lito were almost like brothers when they were growing up. Then his children, Dash and Iza, have always been very sweet and nice to us so his death makes me sad. I know how it is to lose a parent and Iza was very beloved by Tito Lito. It is always heartbreaking and gut-wrenching to lose a love like that.

But wakes in our family have always been... Hmm, the right word escapes me but "fun" is what comes to mind. There's lots of food and conversation, lots of singing and musical performances, lots of funny speeches, definitely lots of tears but there's a ton more laughter. I grew up going to wakes and funerals and thoroughly enjoying them, even the one for my own Mama. All of my friends told me that Mama's wake was the only wake they attended that made them actually want to stay, that when they left, they didn't feel sad or scared. They felt entertained and warm and fuzzy and even happy. Yup, that's my experience, too!

My sister Jacqui, cousin Iza and sister-in-law Rose at Mama's funeral in 2008.

You can say that it's because the Amper family (and Calzados and Dadaps) is a family of musicians, singers and actors. Every time there's a crowd, we all rise up to the occasion and try to make everyone happy. Even at our wakes! But the real reason our wakes are such happy events is because we're Born Again Christians and we see death as a graduation from this miserable life. There is more envy than sadness at a loved one's passing. And there is that wonderful peace that passes understanding, and the shining hope that we will be reunited one day with our beloved.

When Mama died, my eulogy was based on Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" When someone you love dies, it's very hard to think of the future. How can life go on after this? So that promise, that this painful experience is not meant to harm me, truly did give me hope. I said in my eulogy, "Mama is dead but she doesn't belong in my past. She is in my future because we will surely meet again one day."

Peace, hope, joy. Sure, there is that awful grief but there is also the comfort of such wondrous peace, hope and joy. I wish you all that same peace, hope and joy, even in the midst of your darkest night, even in the face of death itself.