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To be very honest, I wrote that letter as a dare to myself, too. And now that it's out there, I'm feeling very fragile and scared and stressed out!
I feel a change coming. I've been feeling it since 2009 actually, and it was perhaps brought about by my pregnancy. You can read all about it here, but I'll post an excerpt anyway:
There's still that ambitious part of me that's screaming in my head in absolute fury. I know opportunities like this don't come traipsing along every day, and I'll just have to live with this decision for the rest of my life. But now that it's done, my agony is over, my insomnia is cured, my world is again at peace.
Whatever the future holds, I only know that what I choose will always be the one that, in the words of that timeless song, will need all the love I can give, every day of my life for as long as I live.Well, just reading the comments section of that two-year-old post made me realize that my pregnancy had nothing to do with it after all!
Anyway, I do know that I am still enjoying my magazine gig. I have so many plans this year and if you've been following the magazine, you'd see its transformation. It really is getting better and better with each new issue and I am very excited about the stuff my team and I have planned this year for our loyal readers.
You all also know I dipped my toes in entrepreneurship last year. The bag business is closed now but I took away some pretty good realizations there and I will do it again! It was very hard work, made me cry and freak out and stress many times, but I am convinced I can and will do better next time!
I also have big plans for my blogs. It's no secret that I earn from my blogs and 2011 was very good to me. My readership has gone up. Brands and PR companies have been wooing me. So many opportunities have come up! But I have had to turn down a lot of those opportunities because it will present a conflict with my job or because it will take me away from my family.
Yes, my lovely, wonderful, amazing family. I never would have thought this but I am really such a mother. I am also a committed wife. There's absolutely nothing I enjoy more than basking in the devotion of my husband and son. But because of the many many many things on my plate, I haven't really been fully immersed in my roles as mother and wife. And I feel like I'm giving so much to the things that make my life fun and not to the ones who make it worthwhile. I talk about my sadness about that over at Topaz Mommy.
So a change is coming. I can feel it thrumming in my veins. Right now, I still don't know if the change means my life will get crazier or maybe it will become quieter. My life will either get bigger or smaller. Both options are so very real, I can taste them. I'm very scared. But I'm also very excited!
Change is just all that! Crazy, quiet, bigger or smaller. I'm happy for all the changes you've gone through and how it has shaped you into the kind of person you are now Ate France :) Excited for Wiggle
ReplyDeleteI've been following your blog for a few years now. Long before you found out you were pregnant. I first "met" you and "got to know" you while I was still with Summit's digital department; I was handling ShopCrazy and all print EICs were introduced to me. You were one of those who fascinated and intrigued me, so I've become a loyal online follower, even long after I've left. I'm going out on a limb here and though I know that blogs only show sides of the blogger that the blogger wants to show, you strike me as a strong, can-do person. You have a good head on your shoulders and a big heart as well. You will never choose or do anything that will be detrimental to you, Vince, Vito, and Wiggle. So I know that whatever change is coming your way will be something you've thought about long and hard, and something that I know I'll be watching out for. :) You are a mommy inspiration to me, how you're able to juggle work (at the helm of a huge magazine title, no less!), family life, and as you dabbled in entrepreneurship. I know that what you share with us readers through your blogs are just tips of the iceberg, but after all this rambling, just know that I am one of those who will be cheering you from the sidelines as you go for gold, cheesy as that sounds. :)
ReplyDeleteChange, whether it will make you crazy or not, is good. As long as it will be for your own good and the good of your family, then go for it. Cheer Kita!
ReplyDeletehey frances! i do like your blog. haven't made my way to topaz mommy and beauty for a living yet but when i find the time, i will. :) could totally relate to having to juggle family and work without househelp. (do you have a yaya now?) can drive anyone crazy more than drugs. haha. and i like how you dare people to do something new. got something like that on my blog too (wink wink). gotta let you know, too, that reading ok is my guilty pleasure. i'd get a subscription but i haven't admitted yet na chismosa ako. haha! so i just buy every month. ;)
ReplyDeletei know that whatever change you will go through, it would be something big for you and your family... just wanted to say how much your blog has been an inspiration to me
ReplyDeleteThanks for the big boost of confidence! I'm really thinking of my future and it's not necessarily thinking ambitiously, ya know? It's very scary. I haven't decided on anything yet actually. But I feel a decision will be made for me anyway. Change is coming!
ReplyDeleteWhatever it is, I know for sure that it'll be for the better. I don't know you personally but I'm always amazed how humble and honest you are in your writings. God bless you and goodluck with that change. :)
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