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| I have secrets, too! |
I don't blog about them not because I pretend they don't exist. Oh, they're there all right. My husband and I discuss them with great gnashing of teeth. And lately, too many hours have been spent in anger and despair because our funds have been significantly depleted by these people. So we have resolved that maybe it's best for all to ignore them. They are seriously affecting our happiness and we are angry and upset and sad, and we don't want to be this way. So I don't give the problems importance on my blogs because I want my blogs to be a happy place.
Nevertheless, you reminded me of this sad and strange day. I visited my Papa with my sons one afternoon and he went on and on about something he wanted. For two hours, unrelenting. Finally, I said, "Papa, I'm here. Your grandsons are here. We're not here very often. You haven't even asked me how we are."
And he replied, "I don't need to ask. I read all about you on Facebook."
"But all I write on Facebook is the good things!"
And Papa said, "That's all I need to know."
If you're wondering about the authenticity of my life, I assure you that it is very real. But like my father said, it's only the good things that you need to know, dear reader. That's all you need to know.
You are truly an inspiration, that's why I love reading your blog! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks! I don't know what I did to inspire you, though, especially since this post is really kinda gloomy!
DeleteI love this Frances.
ReplyDelete=)
Deleteyour blogs channel positivity, Frances. that's why i love reading them :) - Nerisa
ReplyDeleteBecause I need to be positive! If you know me, I can actually be quite the glass-half-empty person! My husband once told me long long ago, "Lighten up. Don't be depressing." I always tell myself to lighten up after he said that!
DeleteMy blog is also a happy place. Plus, I do not rant on Facebook. People do not have see to my dirty laundry. (Although, I posted a pic of my "labada" on facebook after two weeks of travel. hehehe)
ReplyDeleteI used to rant on Facebook. Now, on Twitter na lang =)
Deletehi, frances. i feel you here. i blog too and as much as i want to discuss my failure, my resentment, my sadness i chose to withheld because i want those to remain private and i want my blog free from any of those unhappy moments. i want to remember only the good time that is. :)
ReplyDeleteYeah, you're right. I actually dislike this blog post intensely because now I feel like my blog's happy vibe just got clouded!
DeleteI absolute understand you Ms. Frances. When I'm blogging, I mostly write about the positive side of my life. In fact I have this Daily Inspiration feature almost everyday. I want to inspire people that's why. But at some point, I really can't hide what I feel. I sometimes open up the negative side of my life but that's not often and only when I can't hold my emotions anymore. Because I agree with you, "it's only the good things that our readers need to know." May God bless you more :)
ReplyDeleteThank you! But you're also right about talking about the bad things, too. Because life isn't all good and an authentic life faces the good and bad with equal courage.
DeleteI learned a lot from this blog ^^
ReplyDeleteDitto. People think that everything is just peachy with me because my posts "are okay naman." Thing is, I simply refuse to air every dirty laundry of my life or bawl in public whenever something is wrong. Those who really know us are those who see what really happens beyond the Instagram posts. -Kate (katewashere.com)
ReplyDeleteYa, and be accused of being like a certain presidential sister/daughter? No thanks! LOL
DeleteBut what you said last is the other point of this blog post. Isn't it sad then that my own father insists on NOT knowing who and how I really am? He'd rather have the Facebook version.
I have the same problem with my so-called friends and certain loved ones. It's as if they're so accustomed to seeing your online persona that they don't want to see the deeper reality beyond that.
DeleteP.S. I keep logging on with Google, but I end up being "unknown," haha! -Kate
Perhaps, your father didn't want to know you are in a sad state (in the event that you are) because he might not have a solution for it. Just me theory. But yes, I had this little conversation with my mom & sister, too. We were talking about a relative who's practically living a beautiful life based on Facebook. And so I told them "hindi lahat ng nakikita niyo sa Facebook ay buong buhay na nila."
DeleteHaaaay, Denise. I wish you were right but nope. He really doesn't care.
DeleteOops, sorry to hear about that. I, too, get a lot of that feeling with my own family and friends. Sa'kin naman parang they don't care about what I actually post on my blog. That when I start to make kwento (in real life na), the y will automatically brush it off. Sigh. Buti na lang my blog readers are generous with comments. At least, para akong may kausap.
DeleteBtw, thanks for replying. I really went back to check if you replied. And you did! :)
Gosh, tama ba na ang real relationships natin are online??? Hahaha =)
DeleteWell, I have occasional (aka rare) meet-ups with my college friends (some are not moms, 'cause they're guys hehe) and they don't ask me about my blog, which I think is good. But what I find weird is that there are people who are so good commenting on my blog or fan page or personal FB account and yet when we see each other in person, walang ma-chika at all. Labo. Haha!
DeleteI agree on that. Don't allow anyone to make your day...life irritable or unhappy because of these people who's not happy when you're happy and makes everyone happy... Smile!
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to say Frances. As much as I feel I know you and your family through your blogs, I know I don't really KNOW you.. so I don't really know how to comfort you. Do know that you have a virtual friend in me (and your hoards of readers) and I always wish you happiness. And so I'm sending virtual hugs and happy dust your way. Families can be complicated. Believe me, I know.
ReplyDeleteSmile!
Oh, those hugs and happy dust! Thank you! I really did get them! You made me happier. You really did. Thank you and God bless your generous spirit =)
DeleteNapuwing si Ms. Frances sa mga pinadalang happy dust sakanya. Nakuha mo din ba happy dust ko, Ms. Frances? hihihi. Cheer up! Nakaka good vibes kapag binabasa ko posts mo! And obvious naman na for real yang life mo. My goodness!
DeleteNapuwing talaga =) Isa ka pa! Salamat sa happy dust!!! =)
DeleteNapuwing talaga. Isa ka pa! Salamat sa happy dust! =D
DeleteHi Frances! You inspired me to write my own version: http://www.sweetmemoirs.com/2013/07/all-you-need-to-know-about-my-life.html
ReplyDeleteYou are a constant inspiration to me and my family. Keep writing about the good stuff. Cheers! :)
I super LOVE what you wrote! You're right. By focusing on the good, we keep the bad away!
DeleteGreat entry today, Frances. It reminded me of a discussion we had a few months ago in another mommy blog I follow, Kludgy Mom. Gigi wrote a blog post entitled, "Is hating motherhood the new black?" I resonated with it, because she noted that there's this blogging "culture" so to speak that is all about "being real." Of course, being authentic and real is great, right. However for some bloggers, sometimes the "realness" becomes an excuse to rant about life, about family, kids, etc... to the point that it becomes this whole campaign of negativity.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I don't think there's any benefit in brooding over the sh*tty stuff in our lives. Sh*t happens, but we don't need to try to be the "new sexy of blogging" by ranting it out. Sure, I can blog about a difficult day, a tiring experience, etc., but I don't have to bring people into the "cistern", as it says in the Bible. I do agree with your dad in that respect. Because we have every right to share what we feel we need to share, and keep private the things that we feel we need to keep private. You do this really well, and I salute you for your realness on the blog. Keep at it!
Yeah, but sometimes we need to call a spade a spade and if something is wrong, we must say it is wrong.
DeleteAs for Papa, sadly, he wasn't pertaining to Facebook. He was telling me he didn't want to know about my life beyond Facebook.
I love your blog! We all have sad and crazy days. Knowing there are wonderful people like you who manages to pull it all together while looking fab gives me hope.
ReplyDeleteYour dad is just like my dad. :-) Trust me, he does care. There are just some dads who prefer not to know all about the bad stuff that's going on in our lives because they can't do anything about it. Knowing would only render them helpless. Be it financially, or emotionally (break ups and girl problems). There was one time I was going through a lot (boy problems hehehe) I told my Dad that “You don’t have to solve my problems for me Dad I just want to know that you’re there.” He then said “It’s hard for me to listen because I can’t do anything about it.” If only there’s a store daw where he could buy medicine for broken hearts. It was then that I decided na I keep some things to myself na lang because I know he’d just get sad. He does care Frances (feeling close hehehe). Like most dads he just doesn't show it the way we want them to.
Keep the happy posts coming!
Awww. Okay. Naiyak naman ako. Okay, I won't be so hard on my Papa. I was just really hurt when he told me he didn't want to know, you know? But thanks for your insight. It made me think outside myself =)
DeleteI read somewhere that men are problem-solvers. You rant to them and they would think they need to do something about it. I always tell my husband, "you don't have to do anything. I just need to talk". After that, he asks if I want him to do something every time I rant.
DeleteHugs to you, Frances!
I actually wasn't going to tell Papa about my problems. There aren't any =) I just wanted him to ask about me or the kids. You know, "Kumusta???" Wala eh.
DeleteAi ok lang yan, dads can be a bit clueless sometimes. What we want is just somebody to talk to, para bang we want somebody on our team. But the thing is they are at an age where they want to know na we can handle everything. Na ma kampante sila that if they passed you can take everything that comes your way. At least this is what my Dad says all the time hahahaha whenever I complain about him not listening.
ReplyDeleteNo, I don't need my father to talk to. I already have my husband and my friends for that. I just wanted him to ask about his grandsons.
DeleteMy ed's note in the July issue of GH is similar. Actually just posted it on my blog.:)
ReplyDeleteP.S. I often choose not to let my dad know because grabe mag-react. I'm his youngest and only girl so he HATES hearing about me getting hurt.
ReplyDeleteTish, all I wanted was for him to talk about his grandsons, to say something about their height, their weight, their new skills. We were there for TWO HOURS and he didn't even see them!
DeleteOkay, okay, I've thought about this. Thanks for all your defence of my Papa and all men in general but actually, if you know my father, now that I've thought about it, he really doesn't care.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was pregnant the first time, he only saw me once. The second time, he didn't ask about it or see me at all. And he doesn't call or text or ask to see us. And if he does text, out of the blue, it's to ask for money. So... it's really so nice of you all to think my father's a nice guy, and yes he is a great guy, but a great father? No.
I'm not being a bitch at all. I wish I were just being a whiny brat but I'm not. If you could hear me saying this, I'm saying it with sadness. The anger is no longer there. It vanished a few months after that time he completely wiped out our savings back when Vito was born. He didn't say thanks at all when we saved his life via expensive medical procedures. He just said, "Kung sinong anak ko ang pinakamahal ako, siya ang gagastos sa hospital." And I had just given birth—just paid a big medical bill there!—and we actually got into debt just to pay for Papa's hospital bills. I was furious for months because he didn't say thanks, he didn't even ask about the new baby, he didn't even care where we got the money. Then my anger finally died not because I realized I loved him (and I do, despite everything), the anger died because the hope that he will change died, too.
And that's just my father. I have an older brother with the same story, maybe even worse. I'm actually okay because I don't live with them. So they only crop up now and then. That's why I can be happy. My dead mother, that's another story.
And now comments will no longer be entertained. It's a sad story but it's not uncommon so there's really no need to dwell on it. But thanks everybody! =)