But first, another story before I get to what I'm going to really talk about.
This afternoon, while Vince and I were stuck in traffic, I wondered aloud, "I'm wondering aloud what makes men finally decide that this is the girl they're marrying. I mean, George Clooney and Amal. That's, like, of course! He'd be dumb to let that one go! But what about Vic Sotto and Pauleen Luna? I mean, she's okay but it's not like he didn't have amazing girls before her. What made him decide to marry her?"
Vince said it's really simple—a man marries the one he really loves. I said that these guys were in a relationship with other girls for years, surely they must've loved them. And he said, "No, love demands a response. If you really love someone, you marry her."
So that made me think, kinda guiltily because I never wanted to get married, why I delayed marriage to Vince when I knew—cross my heart and hope to die!—that I loved him. I did and I do, but why did I delay the response? Well, I finally admitted to myself that it's because I loved myself first. I needed to prove something to myself and to others first, that I was going to make something of myself first. Vince has always shrugged off this huge issue of mine (my insecurity in overdrive!) because he knew he was never going to hold me back from my dreams anyway—whether we were married or not. But it was an issue for me.
Still, because he loved me and wanted to marry me, he waited. I guess that's a response that love demands, too.
It didn't help that I knew he loved me. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. Very early on, Vince knew he was going to marry me. We met on a rainy Monday in April. A month later, he asked me, "Do you want to be a June bride?" I laughed, "No," but I knew he wasn't teasing me. He was serious.
Have you ever looked into someone's eyes and saw your future in an instant? I did. I've met many boys who promised me the moon and the stars but no one promised me tomorrow. I only saw a future in Vince's eyes. He had a whole wonderful world planned for us but I wasn't ready to go into that world just weeks after meeting him. That's one of the most cowardly things I've ever done, not jumping down the rabbit hole after him. But I guess because I knew he already built that world for me, I had the luxury of time to dawdle, to get ready. I knew he wasn't going to do that for anyone else anymore, which allowed me to be selfish. It took me seven-and-a-half years to get ready, and I don't regret it and neither does he because we were practically husband-and-wife anyway in all those years. But marriage does do something to a relationship—it makes it more than love, more than happiness. It makes something fleeting and tremulous solid and real. It makes it about life and death.
Vince and I have loved each other for 17 years, been married for 9. The best years are the married years. It's not all moonbeams and roses—there have been days of thorns and harsh daylight! But even on the worst of days, I hold something dear in my heart: the promise of tomorrow. Tomorrow, we'll work this out. Tomorrow, we'll be better. Tomorrow, we'll try again. I can look forward to tomorrow. And that hope is a comfort and joy.
Which brings me back to my first sentence! Who remembers this song? I soooo loved this song and always hoped I'd find a guy that would say these things to me! And I did!!!
I did not realize that he had such a whiny voice!
Happy weekend, everyone! May you have bright tomorrows with the one you love!
It's true. Guys marry the girls they love the most. Men fall in and out of love and a man just knows that the love he has now for a woman may not be reason enough to marry her. That's why all hear the phrase, "she's the type I want to marry" from guys.
ReplyDeleteang sweeet naman! :D i wish i had that promise of tomorrow with the one i married, but unfortunately, wala eh :(
ReplyDeletei wish you many bright tomorrows with Vince and the Sales VIP, ms. frances :D
Oh no! Yes, some people get married without taking that "till death do us part" part seriously. That is very sad and infuriating! I wish you many bright tomorrows, too, with or without your husband!
DeleteRelate. :) My husband and I started dating in college, MU levels lang. But he told me that early na that someday he's going to marry me which I dismissed then kasi naman we were too young. Then we lost everything. As in no communication whatsoever, totally nagiwasan. 3 years after the unofficial "breakup", he re-appeared out of nowhere and pursued me for marriage.
ReplyDeleteI guess, men just have a way of knowing the right woman. When he was still pursuing me after his 3-year MIA stint, I would always ask him bakit kailangan pa nya bumalik when I was already ok w/o him. He told me, he has dated but that he was looking for something else that ultimately points to what we had then. He said he just has to marry me. Cuts both ways too, I think. As I knew from the start that if I am going to marry, I'd like to end up with someone like him. Maybe, destiny has its role too.
Thanks for this post, Frances. Naalala ko tuloy mag 'I love you' sa asawa ko. We're currently LDR and it's taking its toll on us. Your post reminded me of the "tomorrows" I should be looking forward to (instead of insanely counting the miles in between us right now).
I love that song too. Cheesy but all those years, even through our disappearing act (haha), I would always think of my would-be-husband when I listen to that song. Thank you.:)
Thank you for this kwento! Naiyak ako huhu Hang in there! Till death do us part, remember! No time, no distance. Only death. God bless your marriage!
ReplyDeleteHi france,
ReplyDeleteI'm at the office and i feel like crying.. i have been moving on from a 7 year relationship and every word in this blog is like hitting me with a hammer in my heart. we broke up because i felt like he has no plans of marrying me so i moved on. It's kinda painful to read a man's insight on this cause i have been wanting to know why.. and there it is. Painful but i need to go on and trust God's plan :) I hope i get to find the man the Lord has made for me. More power!
You will find him and he will find you. When you least expect it pa! God has bigger and better plans for you. The guy who broke your heart may not be the one... or he may not be the one yet. You said you "felt like he has no plans" to marry you. Did he actually say it out loud?
DeleteBut since you're moving on na (which is always a good idea!), go and take care of yourself. I found from my own experince and from seeing others' relationships that the man for you finds you when you've finally realized you don't need a man. So be whole, be complete in yourself! Good luck! =D
Frances!!! (With tili yan ha? Hahaha) I just got married two weeks ago hihi still on a honeymoon high. I stumbled upod your blog more than four years ago and read all your posts in less than a week! :) I was still single then. Still figuring out if the guy pursuing me was "the one".
ReplyDeleteI remember thinking "gosh I hope this is my 'Vince'" hahaha! I was in awe about how you could still be ao in love with your husband after many years and I remember hoping to be as in love with my future husband.
When we finally became a couple, he proposed after a month! Then again after 6 months! I wasn't ready then, but I was happy that he was already thinking about the future, our future.
After three and a half years, we are now married and if possible I am more in love with him now. Ugh! I'm hopeless haha! Anyway, I know we still have a looong way to go but you and Vince help my belief and faith in long and lasting love. Thank you for the inspiration. I might even start blogging again haha!
Oh wow! CONGRATULATIONS & BEST WISHES!!!
DeleteLove is a decision you make every day. Sometimes, I forget or decide not to do the loving thing. Or he does the unloving thing. Then it's hell. But the great thing about marriage is you're stuck together forever. So either you both decide to live in hell or you choose to love and honor each other again. =D I hope you always choose love!
Thank youuuu! You and Vince are my #relationshipgoals haha! Kidding. More of an inspiration and one of my constant reminders that life can really be this wonderful and that' okay. :)
Delete"I've met many boys who promised me the moon and the stars but no one promised me tomorrow."
ReplyDeleteI cried. My boyfriend kasi ayaw ako ipakilala sa magulang niya and ayaw rin niya mameet parents ko. Ok, he didn't say that naman but parang laging may excuse na hindi magkita or magmeet with family. Alam na, ano? Kung may balak siya na pakasalan ako, dapat siguro magmeet na kami ng mga families. It's been 6 months!!! =(
Aww.. :(
DeleteSorry mangingialam ako kahit hindi ako si Frances hehe. What does your gut tell you? I think you already know the answer :(
It's okay if he isn't "the one" yet. When you meet him, you will know becauze he will not cause you to doubt him. That whole thing about "you just know", is actually because he will show you through his actions. No games. Just love.
Good luck, girl! You deserve better!!
Relax ka lang. Six months pa lang naman pala. Wag makipag-break. Have fun, enjoy what you have. Hindi naman lahat ng relationships kailangan mauwi sa kasal. And he didn't say it naman pala! Baka naman all his excuses are legit. If his excuses are lame, then ask him why he doesn't want to meet your family and you his. Then you decide na after. You can decide to just have fun or you can decide to not waste your time. Good luck! =)
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