It's made me cry because I've felt that sometimes, that nobody sees me—the mama who is awake in the middle of the night, checking if her kids are cold, patting them softly back to sleep when they wake from nightmares, praying over them, breastfeeding, working in the dark so the kids won't wake up, crying and praying when the clients don't pay and the bills are here, chatting with the kid who wakes up and asks questions about life at 3 a.m., rising again when another kid asks for water, and basically not sleeping at all.
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| My nights are always chaotic but sweet. |
But I also know that people do see me, the mommy me. Because I go on Facebook or Instagram in the dead of night and I post a status or share a photo and guess who likes and comments? Mommies, too. Yes, all of us moms awake in the wee hours of the morning. We silly, wonderful, exhausted, tireless, blessed mommies!
I see you. Thanks for seeing me, too. If only on Facebook! If only here on my blog. Thank you, fellow mommy.
Nobody saw you
Nobody saw you,
nobody at all
at 3 AM when
they woke again.
they woke again.
Nobody saw you
picking up the peas,
wiping up the beans,
emptying the laundry basket,
taking out the bins
picking up the peas,
wiping up the beans,
emptying the laundry basket,
taking out the bins
again
and again.
and again.
Nobody saw the crust of toast
that fell out of your bra when you got undressed at night,
such a glamorous life
that fell out of your bra when you got undressed at night,
such a glamorous life
being mum
wiping noses
washing faces
trying to stay calm.
washing faces
trying to stay calm.
(for fuckssake)
Nobody saw you
when you were so bored of playing princess ninja pirate turtles
but you said, ‘ok,
just five more minutes,
just one more time,
just one more go,
just one more round’
when you were so bored of playing princess ninja pirate turtles
but you said, ‘ok,
just five more minutes,
just one more time,
just one more go,
just one more round’
and then said it again ten minutes later.
Nobody saw you
holding the toddler who wouldn’t be put down
but also wouldn’t go in the buggy
but also wanted to walk but only in the opposite direction
and ‘oh look!
a stick/discarded lolly/dog poo/pebble/cigarette butt/the sky!’
holding the toddler who wouldn’t be put down
but also wouldn’t go in the buggy
but also wanted to walk but only in the opposite direction
and ‘oh look!
a stick/discarded lolly/dog poo/pebble/cigarette butt/the sky!’
Nobody saw you holding the sick bucket in the night
or on the way back from school
nobody saw you holding a jacket,
a rucksack, a book bag, a sunhat,
a scooter, the baby, a half-eaten apple
and an art project made out of three cereal boxes taped together
and covered in glitter glue,
or on the way back from school
nobody saw you holding a jacket,
a rucksack, a book bag, a sunhat,
a scooter, the baby, a half-eaten apple
and an art project made out of three cereal boxes taped together
and covered in glitter glue,
holding soft little hands at bedtime,
holding angry little bodies still kicking and shouting,
holding angry little bodies still kicking and shouting,
holding it together,
holding on,
holding on,
holding a hungry little head
to a boob as hard as concrete
in those early days
of chaos.
to a boob as hard as concrete
in those early days
of chaos.
Nobody saw you winding the bobbin up
and winding it back again
and pointing to the ceiling
and pointing to the floor
and pointing to the window
and pointing to the door.
and winding it back again
and pointing to the ceiling
and pointing to the floor
and pointing to the window
and pointing to the door.
Nobody saw you when it was raining again
and the kids were sick
and you didn’t leave the house for three days.
and the kids were sick
and you didn’t leave the house for three days.
Nobody saw that.
Nobody saw how many times you watched ‘The Gruffalo,’
on the third day,
how many times you read about what happened to igglepiggle’s blanket
or the one about the inappropriate pets
sent by the zoo.
on the third day,
how many times you read about what happened to igglepiggle’s blanket
or the one about the inappropriate pets
sent by the zoo.
Nobody saw you in the car
when you dropped the baby off for the first time
when you promised yourself you wouldn’t
but you cried all the way home
all the same.
when you dropped the baby off for the first time
when you promised yourself you wouldn’t
but you cried all the way home
all the same.
Nobody saw when you were empty
but you gave something
but you made something
but you thought of a game
but you said sorry to a little face
for being cross, for snapping again.
but you gave something
but you made something
but you thought of a game
but you said sorry to a little face
for being cross, for snapping again.
I haven’t seen you for a while
we haven’t chatted for too long
but I when I see those lovely pictures of your kids
you post sometimes
we haven’t chatted for too long
but I when I see those lovely pictures of your kids
you post sometimes
I feel like I am seeing you,
(continued here)Good night, dear mommies! Try to get some sleep. God bless us all!
Yes, I see you, (fellow) mommy! :) Your boys are adorable!
ReplyDeleteReading this at work and I am trying to stop tears from flowing... :P
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing, Frances.
ReplyDelete