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GUEST POST - The holidays can be a stressful time for any family. If you’re in a situation with separated or divorced parents, that stress can become unbearable. While you may not be overly happy about having to share child visitation rights with your former partner, there are some tips that can make dealing with child custody this holiday season easier for you and for your children

If you and your former partner are near enough to each other and logistics allow for it, you might consider planning two holidays so your children don’t have to choose between you. Inviting your extended family, your kids' friends, and making the event feel as normal and loving as possible will make it so that your children won’t feel as though they have been left out of one parent’s life. The exact date of the holiday matters less than the idea of celebrating with their family, no matter what the date.

If you and your former partner live too far away for two holidays to work, then you should be proactive in ensuring that your child doesn’t feel abandoned or as though they have chosen one of you over the other. This can be done by sending packages in advance to give to your children on the day of, keeping traditions from when you and your partner were together so that your children can still feel connected to holidays past, and planning phone calls or video chats with the other parent. The important thing is to prioritize your children's emotional well-being, even if you and your former partner would prefer to never speak to each other again.

If you were able to have the kids for Christmas, then you should be willing to allow your former partner to have them over on New Year's Eve. This allows your children to have that special time with their other parent and ensures that any acrimony between you and your former partner isn’t increased by the impression that one or the other of you is trying to monopolize your children's’ time. This may be difficult, especially if you have a combative or nasty relationship with your former partner, but your family can help to keep things on an even keel and ensure that your children have the best holidays possible.

Many separated couples have greater difficulty around the holidays because they aren’t honest with each other about their hopes and needs around the holiday season. Not every former couple will be able to deal with each other openly and honestly, of course, but even if you have a terrible relationship with your ex it is best to keep them in the loop about your holiday plans with your children. This will ensure that you don’t unintentionally step on each other’s toes and are able to plan around your ex’s holiday plans - and they around yours.

5. Get together.

If the acrimony over the separation has passed and you feel you are able to deal with each other civilly, there is no reason why you can’t plan a get together that includes all parts of your children's’ family. This isn’t an option for everyone, of course, but showing your children that they don’t have to feel torn between the different parts of their family goes a long way to helping them in their emotional journey.

There are no easy solutions when it comes to child custody over the holiday season, and none of these possible arrangements are right for every family. Still, with grace and maturity, you will be able to find ways to make it so your children have the best holidays possible.