TOPAZ HORIZON

Truth be told, I like quarantine. I didn't anticipate it to last for 10 months (and counting) but being an introvert and an overwhelmed mommy, staying indoors is a relief. I didn't have to rush rush rush anymore. My rushing about wasn't pointless, even though I seemed like a headless chicken most days. There are always errands and chores and deadlines for a working mama. There is always something urgent. Always something to do. There were so many days I would slowly sink into a chair and realize this was the first time I sat down that day.

So when quarantine happened, I was determined to sit down and even lie down for as long as possible. For once, I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to stay put and enjoy staying put. I wanted to do nothing and be nothing. 

If that sounded lazy and selfish, well, maybe it was. But I had spent the last 10 years getting pregnant, giving birth, breastfeeding, teaching, feeding, caring, giving and giving and giving, you know? I just wanted to rest. And from out of nowhere, a pandemic happened and I can finally get the rest I wanted.

I was actually quite happy. Then Chadwick Boseman died. Black Panther. King of Wakanda. And apparently one of the wisest, most beloved and admired in Hollywood. I wasn't really a fan. I liked Black Panther, sure. I think it and the first Iron Man movies are the best in that Marvel movieverse. Otherwise, I didn't really have any reason to mourn his passing. But people kept sharing his words and this one hit me in the chest:

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything You gave me.'"

I used everything You gave me. 

It made me want to stop lazing about! I thought of what my talents and skills are and if I'm using them well. I realized very quickly that I wasn't. I was in a selfish, lazy mode. I was also in insecure, I'm-a-nobody-anyway, I'm-just-a-mom, poor-me mode. 

But Chadwick's words stirred awake that little girl who dreamed of changing the world. And yes I may be no one important but that's just my ego talking. Anyone - big or small - can make a difference, big or small. God gave all of us talents and skills. Some seem to have gotten a big chunk, sure, but what matters is what we do with what God gave us. And I've learned that when you put yourself out there and use what you got, people will pay attention, they will help, and you will learn more and gain more. So even if God gave you maybe one little talent, it will help you gain more skills and opportunities just as long as you keep using your talent!

The Bible literally has a story on talents working this way, except that in that parable, a talent is a form of currency worth 16 years of daily wages. In Matthew 25:14-30, the story goes that a rich man was going off on a trip. He gave one of his servants 5 talents, a second one 2 talents, and a third servant just 1 talent. Why the unfair distribution of talents? Well, his criteria were he'd give according to their ability to do what they can with the money. Well, the first two servants used the money given them for business and their investments grew. The last guy was too scared he'd lose the money so he just hid it. Of course, when they had to give an accounting of the money, the rich boss got mad at the servant who didn't do anything with the talent.

So there I was, on my butt, hiding my talent because I was feeling boo-hoo, I'm a nobody, why write when no one cares about what I have to say. But Chadwick, my man, you may not know me but what you said made me sit up and stand up. And I decided then and there that I'm going to write and teach and fight and sing (lost that talent already actually) and discover all the good things God gave me and use them all for the good of mankind and for His glory. 

And that's why I'm writing thought pieces for Project Vanity, why I decided to blog mindfully, why I'm being more mindful of my decisions this year, and why I wrote a book. Life is so unsure now, what with that COVID-19 threatening our every breath. So we'd better do what we have to do with whatever time that's given us. 

I hope this story galvanizes you, too! Let's get off our ass, stop feeling insecure, and just use whatever God gave us and make a good change in this brokenhearted world. We all need to make life just a bit better, just a bit kinder, softer, sweeter, wiser. Let's use everything He gave us. God bless you, my friend! 

P.S. Taylor Swift was an inspiration, too! Two albums within months. If she could do something productive in lockdown, I was determined to do the same!