TOPAZ HORIZON

Oh hey, I just realized today, May 24, is the 16th anniversary of Topaz Horizon. Here's a photo from that year. That's me with our bunny wabbits, Galadriel and Gandalf.

I was bored in 2006, so I started a nonsense blog where I dumped all my silly thoughts about being a managing editor of a magazine, shopping for second-hand everything on eBay, taking care of rabbits, and being in love. Remember when blogs were just brain dumps with dark, grainy photos like that above? The olden days.

My blog's changed a lot since. I got engaged, got married, moved into a new home, got a plum career, lost it later, the bunnies died, my mother died, I had babies, I became part of this slick new world of influencers then I tired of its vanity quickly, then I had writing/editing/PR jobs here and there, lost myself, found myself, my father died, I wrote a book, I'm now writing a new one, my kids are growing up, my marriage is still doing great (even better!)... Wow, crammed the last 16 years in one sentence. 

Last week, I was going through this blog and let me tell you that I cringed at my early posts. I was young, I was shallow, I was selfish. Of course, middle-aged me would cringe. But I would never tell the younger me to change. Because even in my youth and selfishness, I also had nuggets of wisdom there. But I was so honest, I was cruel. The years have taught me to be compassionate and kind, especially when I'm right.

And maybe that's why I haven't been blogging so much anymore. I like to keep stuff to myself. So much of our lives are shared online now. I always shared my thoughts but carefully chose what parts of my life to share. Even 16 years ago, in the infancy of social media, I instinctively knew I had to keep huge parts of myself to myself. And though I believe everyone should say what they want to say, I also now know that we shouldn't.

The world has changed so much since 2006. Everyone has a platform and to my dismay, everyone uses their platform for hate or self-love. I don't know if this is the world I want to move in. Retreat, retreat.

But I still want to blog. I love it too much. And I will miss you so. You have been such good friends, growing up with me. Thank you always for your kindness, understanding, advice, and correction. I wouldn't know where I'd be without my Dear Loyal Readers. If you've stayed all these 16 years, my goodness, God bless you! I know some of you have left (especially when I decided not to be a mommy blogger anymore) and that's okay. I have never wanted people to stay when they think it's time to move on. I don't like dragging out relationships. But for the times you were here, I delighted in it. Thank you! Some of you are new and so you know the mommy me or the kind me or the wise me. I hope you don't read the early posts of this blog then haha. 

Anyway, 16 years is a long time. I never thought I'd be blogging this long. And maybe I won't for a while. I have three not-so-little boys whose needs may not be so urgent anymore but they need me just the same. I have a marriage that I savor so much, it's so much better now than ever and I just want to spend more time with my husband (we're so busy with work and school and home that we have to snatch our moments together!). And I want to write more books! My Not Invisible book gave me so much joy. I want to feel that always. Thank you to everyone who bought my book! I love you all!

I'm getting sentimental. I'm 45. We met when I was turning 30. Imagine that! Thank you. You are the friends I always wanted. Such a gift to me who always had a hard time making friends. I will count each of you a blessing and may the love you gave me and my family come back to you a hundred times forever.