TOPAZ HORIZON

So in 2020, I wrote a book. In January 2021, it was published and ranked #3 New Release on Amazon in its category. I gave myself the rest of the year to promote it. The whole of 2022 was going to be writing the next book so I'll have my second book by 2023, 2024. I had been on schedule but then 2023 happened and I was derailed. In between, I went international and contributed to Boy Moms, the book by TheBump founder, I was published in Mother magazine, and was a finalist in the non-fiction category of Women on Writing. Meanwhile, Vince's fifth book The End of All Skies was published by Penguin Random House SEA so I got busy promoting his novel, too. Then my book editor job was resurrected when I edited Justine Castellon's novels. 

Now, my life has always revolved around words - writer, magazine editor, blogger - but the last few years have been especially wordy and I love it! So yes, the last 5 years were crazy. Crazy good, crazy bad. But all I can think of is how grateful I am anyway. And that I'm looking forward to the next 5 years while praying they will be kinder.

I saw this post on Instagram a couple of weeks ago and I want to do this activity, if only so I could focus on my 5-year vision.

I'll blog it! And it took me more than 30 minutes (2 weeks!) but only because August was extremely busy that I couldn't find time to sit down for 30 minutes and think and write it down! But I finally have time today. Hooray!

All I want is to be happy, healthy, and with my husband and sons, writing and editing. So yeah, I have everything I want!

I'm still living here in our condo, where we've lived since we married in 2007. I really love where we live, but I want a major renovation. It really needs a total revamp. 

But there's a part of me that wishes we lived in The Arton near Katipunan. I want my kids to study near their college, which will of course be UP Diliman. After almost 30 years of meeting and working with many kinds of people from different schools, I am still convinced it's the best university in the country.

I actually sleep by myself. My husband doesn't like this but ever since I started perimenopause, I have had a hard time sleeping, especially when someone else is breathing beside me (husband or child). But when I'm on my own, I can fall asleep within minutes. So I weighed it: my marriage or my sanity? My marriage or my health? My marriage adjusted. We're still very happily married and very happily sexual despite sleeping apart. 

That said, I hope when this perimenopause hell is done and my hormones have calmed down and my sleep isn't so easily disturbed, I'd be waking up beside my husband again. Especially since it's so delicious to wake up with him. 

I would like my house to look more stark. More bookshelves for my piles and piles of books and storage to hide all our mess. My kitchen will be smaller but more efficient and very white. Bathrooms will be more modern. The kids will have custom-built beds and closets. Our bedroom will also have custom-built shelves and closets. There will be better lighting. There will be speakers in the ceiling in every room so that I can listen to music properly. I've been leaning towards white and gray for a while now. I guess it's because my life is so busy that I want to be surrounded by blankness. But my husband likes color so this is never going to happen. He's already had to adjust to my sleeping preference.

Maybe I'll rent a studio and paint it all white, put a desk and a daybed there, line the walls with shelves for my books. Put up a watercolor painting corner and take up drawing and painting again. Another corner can be a podcasting station maybe. I also want a big table for all my unfinished projects. I can go there to think and write. And sleep.

Virginia Woolf wrote in A Room of One's Own that financial constraints and the prejudice of society have inhibited a woman's creativity. And yet, while I agree, millions of women, despite having no money, no time, no rest, and no support, continue to still create. It's infinitely easier to create without worrying over bills, security, and childcare, and yet we women persist. I believe that's what makes us such beautiful creatures.

Well, if I still worked at Personal Collection, I'd start work at 8 AM. But if I had my way, I'd start work at 10. That means I'd either be busy with my resurrected writing and editing business (it's dormant now but I'm still filing taxes via Taxumo) or I'm writing my third or fourth book! 

Let's see. August 30, 2029, is a Thursday. I'll probably be working and then cooking. Then I'll have dinner with my family and then read or write. Same old, same old. But that's okay.

If I'm still with PC, hopefully, I'd be working with the same team. I like them a lot. I'd also like Lean In Manila to be more prominent in my life by then. We haven't had time to do more with it but maybe in 5 years, we'd be doing monthly Circle Sessions and talks and workshops. 

I want to work with more words so that means I want to work with authors as their book editor. Or I'd be working with my publisher because I'd have my nth book by then! I also want to write for publications again so I'd be working with more editorial teams.  

You know, if life weren't so expensive, I'd be happy teaching kids, writing books, blogging, serving coffee in a little library cafe that's been my dream to start. I'd even be okay with arranging bookshelves in a bookstore. So yeah, my kids would starve if I did that haha

I've done the math and we just need P200,000 a month to live comfortably. I honestly don't want more than that. But I'm not earning that yet. I don't know how to get there but if you're hiring and would like to offer me that, let me know!

Assuming I'm still with PC, I think I'll be doing okay. I actually really like my job. I just don't like the hours. If it were a 9-5, it would be perfect. It's an 8-6. As a mom and an author, that makes me unhappy. 

So if in 2029, I'm in a job that's 9-5 (but pays 200K??? hahahaha) or better yet, starts at 10am, I'd be very very happy!

I really should just restart my business. I was earning okay. But I got too old for the hustle and the running after clients who don't pay. I just couldn't deal with the indignities anymore.

So I had a bad year last year. My physical and mental health suffered. This year, I started exercising and eating better. Still not exercising daily and I really should add more fruits and veggies to my diet and curb the carbs. But I've already lost 10 lbs! That was my year-end goal but I achieved it in 6 months! Yey me!

So in 5 years' time, I hope to be fit and healthy. I want to be 125 lbs (I'm 134 now). I want to be able to run and climb stairs without huffing. I want to be muscled and toned with clear skin, my cholesterol levels down, my periods over, and I'll just be a crazy, happy, gorgeous, bitchin' middle-aged woman!

Hopefully, never. You know, that is the most un-Filipino thing about me. I hate leaving my house. I intensely dislike traveling. I mean, I'd do it if I had to. Like, if I'm forced to do it because it's a job or a wedding or something family-related. Okay, fine, I like traveling for work. And only for work. I hate traveling for leisure. So in 5 years' time, if I am traveling, I'm only doing it for my kids. Or family. Or work.