This time last year was when the clouds in my head began to clear. It had been a difficult period because I had just started a new job, and my schedule changed drastically. I barely saw my husband, and I hardly spent time with our boys, who had also returned to school. Exhausted and sad, I distanced myself from family and friends, choosing instead to sleep and cry on weekends.
By October, however, things started to shift. My body had adjusted, the toxic atmosphere at work resigned, er, disappeared, and I had finally completed my hormone therapy — the side effects of which had been wreaking havoc on both my mind and body. Slowly, I regained time, energy, and the emotional space to reconnect with the people I love and the things that brought me joy. Life started to feel manageable again, and I began to feel like myself once more.
You can't imagine the relief I feel now that I recognize myself again. Even my husband, Vince, says he feels the same way! This year, 2024, has been so much better, and I’m truly grateful.
To be fair, my family and friends were always there for me.* My sister Jacqui helped me sort through my thoughts, which was incredibly helpful. Considering she had a disastrous year herself, it’s amazing that she still went out of her way to support me. I honestly couldn’t do the same—I was too wrapped up in my own despair.
My friend Justine also played a big role in pulling me out of my depression, and she did it with the one thing that always works: duty. I had to edit her books, and even though all I wanted was to curl up and sleep, those deadlines kept me going and, in a strange way, kept me sane.
Slowly but surely, I started reconnecting with family and friends. I even found myself willing to chat with complete strangers again, which isn’t surprising—that's the old me. I used to love striking up conversations with people anywhere and everywhere. But last year, I was closed off, hostile to everyone. So, I’m really glad to feel like myself again. What’s even nicer is that my family and friends welcomed me back with open arms.
Let me quickly walk you through the photos! The top one is with my dearest friend and Lean In Manila co-founder, Ginger. That was such a fun day when our families took the Pasig River ferry to Intramuros—a memorable adventure. The next photo is from a long-awaited reunion with the OK! magazine girls, and of course, four hours was nowhere near enough to catch up! Then there’s a shot of me with my Praying Wives group (and a couple of husbands) during a fun dinner.
In the bottom row, there's Justine and me celebrating fantastic news about her book. I’m so glad I pushed through with editing her novel because... I'll share more exciting details when I know more! Next, that’s my brother Ted and my sister-in-law Rose with Jacqui and our kids. Vince and my other boys stayed home, which was a pity because we ended up having a wild road trip! Then there’s a lovely photo with Martine and Jean, two fascinating women. And finally, that’s me with the amazing Lean In Manila women during one of our workshops.
As I reflected on my journey back to myself, I realized how powerful connection has been in my healing process. It reminded me of the importance of reaching out, even when things feel overwhelming.
That’s why I’m so excited to talk about MomConnect 2024, happening on October 26. This year’s theme, “#CalltoConnect,” speaks deeply to me. It’s all about fostering the connections that keep us grounded—whether it's with family, friends, or even new faces we meet along the way.
Hosted by Mommy Mundo, MomConnect will offer a full day of learning and interaction, bringing together moms and experts to discuss pressing parenting and societal concerns. Whether you’re looking for guidance, inspiration, or simply a sense of community, this event is an invitation for moms and families to connect in meaningful ways.
I know firsthand how much meaningful connections can transform our lives, and I’m looking forward to attending MomConnect 2024 to learn more about how we can uplift each other as parents, partners, and friends. I’d love for you to join me!
You can REGISTER HERE and use this code: FrancesforMomCon to get a discount!
I truly hope to see you there! It’s been a while since I’ve been in the mommy bloggers, influencers, and networking circles, and it would be wonderful to reconnect with all of you. If you spot me and I seem a little shy, just know it’s because I’m still finding my footing again.
Anyway, enough about me! Let's all see each other at MomCon! Your presence would mean the world, and together we can continue supporting each other on this journey of motherhood and beyond. See you soon!
*If you're depressed, it's totally understandable why you can't reach out to people. When I was going through it, I felt dark and didn't want to BURDEN people with my self-perceived ugliness.
So, to our family and friends, please be the ones to check in. "Hey, how are you? I'm coming over. I'm calling now. I don't care about the mess or anything, I just want to see you." Please just check in. You may save a life.
Justin Bieber's baby mama posted on IG beautiful photos of her preggy belly, which made me wish I had maternity shoots. Instead I'm going to share a few from my three pregnancies!
2010
Pregnant with Jelly Bean
2012
Pregnant with Wiggles
2014
Pregnant with Baby Chicken
I found that I have more solo preggy pics with my second one. The first and last, I was always with somebody! The last one, the somebodies were his 2 older brothers who were just so darn cute! But I wanted this post to be about my baby belly, not the babies haha
And then I blinked and now instead of babies, I have these big boys eating us out of house and home, filling the days and nights with laughter, gossip, singing, and playing the piano. Filling my once-pretty house with their mess, too. I think my house will be clean again when they move out. Feels like a million years away but we all know I'll blink and they're gone.
It's been said so many times but I'll say it anyway: It goes by so fast. I'm so happy I had healthy pregnancies (the third one had a bit of trouble, which was why it was the last). I'm so grateful all of them were delivered quickly and easily, and that I recovered so frikkin' fast every time. And I'm thankful you were there with me and blessed me every time.
Reminiscing on the belly today reminded me how incredibly grateful I am for everything. It's been the most wonderful time.
I'm excited to share with you this sweet little book, Mama, Interrupted by Elaine Natividad Reyes. To my dear Loyal Readers, Elaine should be familiar to you because she and I used to be the editors of OK! magazine. She's worked since then as features editor, beauty editor, and freelance writer.
And now she's added author to that list! I'm so proud of Elaine's new book and I'll tell you why today.
Look at this page from her book (beautifully drawn by Eleanor Bautista). This is how it starts. Elaine lays out the situation by describing the day of a typical mom. I relate to it a lot because that's me every single day. She was describing me! Many women are busy working on something and relying on coffee (or sugar or bone broth) to get them through their day.
Now, check out the entire page below. If this was an activity sheet for kids, the instructions would be, "Find the object that doesn't belong." (I encircled it haha) For moms like Elaine and me, our desks and minds and schedules revolve around our children. And we try to make everything else - husband, chores, work, friends - fit in.
Every mom is a working mom, that's what I always say. Doesn't matter if you're working from home or the office, if you're a housewife or the mom everyone at church/school/neighborhood counts on. If you're a mom, your hands are full. More full than anyone's hands. More full than anyone's heart, too. And I guess that's what makes moms such amazing people. Distracted, stressed out, exhausted, sleepless, yes. But amazing nevertheless.
Elaine writes -
This is how her days usually go,
full of stops and starts, rarely a smooth flow.
On top of all the things we have to do, Elaine touches on how we're desperate for help. For many of us without household help or family to rely on, we turn to that dreaded device: the TV, or the iPad, or the smartphone. Sometimes we have to feed the always-hungry kids instant noodles, or hotdogs, or chips. Because we don't always have the time to cook. Or sometimes because it's just easier dammit. But ease seems to be something mothers shouldn't enjoy, and there is a poignant pain that twinges my heart as I read Elaine's plea for understanding.
And then Elaine writes the words every mom says to herself at the end of another chaotic day.
Ain't that the truth.
In her Lithub article, The Heartbreaking Ingenuity of the Mother-Writer, Olivia Campbell writes, "Women writers have always been up against the expectation that they can do it all, all at once. Male authors are lauded as disciplined recluses for closing themselves away to write; women are praised for juggling writing and family simultaneously. But you can’t have it both ways. Either writing is a laborious, worthwhile craft requiring time alone or it’s not, no matter the writer’s gender. 'How does she do it all?' society muses while staring at the bedraggled mom-author clutching her book in one hand and her baby in the other. By having no work-life balance or boundaries. Losing sleep. Hiding in pantries. Getting increasingly angry by the lack of support. By nearly drowning." (italics mine)
No sleep, no rest, no time alone to collect oneself. And yet we persist in doing the work that separates us from the roles of wife and mother. For me, it's my work that saves me from the drowning. It's my writing that convinces me I am my own person, even if I love giving myself to others. It's what stops me from screaming into the void of duty. It's what takes my eyes away from the despair of exhaustion.
Don't worry, the book isn't all desperation. After that page where the mom in Elaine's book is undone by all her unfinished tasks, the book takes on a tender realization.
Daddy to the rescue! I love how dads never seem to be worried. I guess that's how amazing moms are haha! Because moms are so focused on the tiny details, dads can see the big picture and know that we're doing okay, that this won't last, that this is actually the sweetest days of our life.
(On that note, not gonna lie, I am SO GLAD that stage is over. True, it was so sweet but I am in a much better place now that I can breathe. And read. And spend more than 5 minutes in the bathroom.)
And that's what I love about Mama, Interrupted. The book describes a mother's day - the chaos, the desperation, the wish to do her best - but it never shows resentment for the adorable interruptions. Having kids is difficult and the book doesn't shy away from that. That's why I urge everyone to give a copy to friends who just got married and are dreaming of babies. The book tells you it's going to be hard. But... It is what it is but it's not that bad as long as mama has support from her husband.
I appreciate that the book also brings attention to the role of dads. They're important, of course, as a father, but the mama also needs him as her husband, the one who anchors her when she's spiraling from all the drudgery of motherhood, the one who calms her down with his strength and logic, the one who assures her that after all this craziness, she still has him.
Mama, Interrupted is actually a book for moms disguised as a children's book. It's a love letter to her. It's an assurance - "I see you, mama, and I see all that you do. You're doing an amazing job." And isn't that what we mamas need? Not exactly gratitude because this is our duty. But it's ever so nice to be acknowledged.
All that in a little book? Yes! It's a tender book with many hard truths. Easy to read and digest because of the rhyme, and a wonderful gift to give the moms in your life to tell her, "I see you. I love you. I honor you."
Get your copy of Mama, Interrupted by Elaine Natividad Reyes. It's only P399 but you save more if you buy more! Order here.
* * * * * * *
I review books written by Filipinos. If you're a mom, I'll prioritize it!
I love this video of an experiment involving blindfolded kids picking out their moms in a lineup. Using just touch and smell, the kids all accurately picked out their mamas.
I remembered this documentary I watched a long time ago, on emperor penguins coming back from the ocean, their tummies full of fish. On a vast expanse of ice, thousands of baby penguins wait, and they're all the same kind of fluffy and white, and I thought there's just no way the parents can find their baby. But they do, they do. They find their very own!
I love how special each mommy felt. How unique and how loved!
But did you also feel each mommy's apprehension that their child won't recognize them? I did. I felt the real fear behind the worry. How many of us moms think that we're all taken for granted, pushed to the side, hidden in the background, always in the supporting role, forgotten, unappreciated, unseen?
I feel that sometimes! But that's silly really. I must never forget that I'll always be incredibly special to three precious boys and their Papa. And that's more than enough for me. Really. That's more than I deserve, and I am grateful.
Happy Mother's Day, mamas! Thank you for all that you do. We're not invisible. They know what we do and they love us. Remember that!
*This is a repost from my now-unpublished blog, Topaz Mommy!
As I was hanging the laundry to dry with my youngest son helping me, he said out of the blue, "Mama, I liked quarantine."
We both agreed we didn't like the reason for it, but staying safe at home with the people we most love in the world was the best time. It was a magical time when it was just the five of us. When we were all at home.
I'm going to just fill this blog post with photos from 2020-2022. They're not related to what I'll blog about, though. My journalism training says the photos should always support the text. But today we'll disobey. I just want to share pictures of those years when we were all together and write about the year we went off to do our separate things.
When we were all together. This will never happen again. Have you realized that, too?
My boys have all gone back to school. I've gone back to the office. This is why 2023 was so exciting and so excruciatingly heartbreaking for me. So many massive changes as we all returned to a world I wasn't quite ready to go back to. If I had my way, I want us all to stay home again.
I could actually. I was earning well, just not regularly - when you're a freelancer, it's so hard to collect! But that was okay because homeschooling made education so affordable. It also made me realize that I am an awesome teacher. There really was no need for them to go to a brick-and-mortar school.
But in 2023, I had to go back to work. I may want us to stay home forever, but my kids were oh so ready to get out of it. They wanted to see new places, meet new people, learn new points of view, and make friends. And they wanted this every day. They wanted to go to school. And tuition is so expensive so off I went back to earning a regular salary.
It's not so bad. It's actually a good thing! I'm very grateful, make no mistake. I love that my kids are healthy and happy. They have new friends. They're doing so well in school. I love that we can give them a good life.
But I also loved it when it was just us. It was so simple and sweet. We were all safe and sound. I got to know my husband and sons thoroughly because that's what happens when you're together all the time.
Now, we're all running around. Busy busy busy. We're all so tired. I feel like I'm losing them. I feel like I'm losing me. So I have to work harder to make sure we don't become strangers. And that's so exhausting, too, you know?
It's okay. It's inevitable.
Besides, it wasn't meant to happen, those nearly 3 years indoors. But it did and we came out of it okay. I was so scared all those years because of the pandemic but I was also so happy. So very happy. I was with my most favorite people in the world. What more could a mama want?
They had to learn how to dress up again because it was finally time to go outside.
Hi, mommies who are looking to go back to work after years as a homemaker! Yes, I've been getting your questions about what it's like to jump back in the rat race and I'm taking my time to respond. I'm not ignoring you! I just really don't know how to answer the question because my experience is wholly mine - the industry, the salary, the hours, the coworkers, the way I'm adjusting, the way my family is adjusting.
There are so many aspects to being employed again so it's a complicated question to answer. What matters to me may not be important to you. What makes me unhappy may be something you're praying for. So since my experience may not apply to you, I don't know how to navigate the subject. I'll write a blog post about it once I figure out how I feel.
I've always been a working mom, but for the last 10 years, I was a work-at-home mom with my own business. Working for a company is a whole different animal.
So you asked me 3 questions:
"What's going back to work like after all these years?" No answer yet.
"Where do you work?" I know I promised to reveal my new job as soon as I get regularized, but I just quietly decided that I want to still be known for my work as a writer, editor, author, and Lean In co-founder. My job isn't a secret. I just don't think my day job needs to be broadcast.
"How do I answer the interviewer when they say, 'Tell me about yourself'?" Answer below! And I'll add tips on how to ask questions, too!
Company: Tell me about yourself.
I'll be honest. Every time I hear this, my first reaction is, "Did you not read my CV?!" My HR friend said they scan dozens of CVs so, no, they don't recall anything about you at all. So a succinct introduction helps them mark your application as a go or a no.
Here's how I answer:
1. I give them a brief background of what I've been doing,
2. I talk about something I'm passionate about,
3. I list a few of my skills and strengths that are relevant to the position,
4. I say what I hope to achieve in my career, not necessarily in their company but it helps if you can connect them.
So here's an example:
"Hi, I'm Frances. I'm a writer and editor. I've contributed to and edited content in magazines, websites, and e-commerce sites for the last 20 years. I do this very well and quickly, too. I live for deadlines! I have also led teams, and managing people is something I'm good at and truly enjoy. Even my hobbies are about writing and people. I wrote a book about marriage and motherhood. I also have a blog where I try to empower and inspire other moms like me because I'm passionate about helping other women. That's why I co-founded Lean In Manila, which supports women in their work. That's also why the communications manager position you have open interests me. Not only is communications my specific skill set, but I also know your company has helped thousands of Filipinas improve their lives and I want to see how I can be part of that."
That's tweakable. Like I said, I just say what's relevant to the position. Now go, try it out. Write down your answer and rehearse it a bit. It's not so hard because you're talking about yourself, but you want to write it down so you won't ramble.
But what about if you didn't work at all because you're a homemaker? Own it! Don't be ashamed. I always tell companies that I'm a mom. It's my most important job! Here's a good article: "How to explain the mommy gap in your resume"
Oh, another tip. Be relatable. If I'm speaking to a Filipino, then I speak in Taglish. I know I have to be professional but I also want a friendly vibe. Check also how the person interviewing you is like - are they friendly, nice, kind? Or are they short, condescending, rude? That already tells you a lot about that workplace!
I also talk about myself in a happy, proud way because, yes I need a job, but I also want them to see that they need someone skilled, talented, and great to work with - me! That's a first impression you want to make.
You: So tell me about your company.
Yes, mama. Return the favor! Ask them why they're a good idea. Remember that this job is taking you away from your family for at least 9 hours a day. Is this a place you want to spend that much time in? My work, for example, requires us to be at the office for 10 hours.
TEN HOURS.
My youngest boy told me last week, "I did some computing, Mama. You leave at 7:15 and then come home at 6:40. Sometimes even later. That's almost 12 hours you're away. You spend more time at your job than with us."
💔
Yeah, mamas. I'm doing a lot of thinking. Please pray for me.
😞
Back to the topic. Job interviews are very much like speed dating and you shouldn't forget that you need to get to know who you're going to spend the best hours of your day with. You have power, too, mama. Don't ever let any HR person make you feel desperate.
So when they start winding down the interview and they ask, “Do you have any questions for us?”, please lay them all out!
Ask the important questions!
Here are a few:
Why is this position open? What happened to the person who used to hold this job?
Very important! Was the person fired - why? Did the person quit - why? They actually won't answer this honestly, unless it's "The previous manager was promoted to director. In our company, good work is recognized and rewarded."
Why is this a good place to work in? Do you like working here? What's keeping you here?
This is you exploring the work culture and the benefits they offer.
Where is the company headed in 2 to 5 years?
You want to know their plans and see if these align with yours. Remember, you're a mommy. Things change with every stage of the kids' life, so you want to gauge if your family life will be affected by the company's future plans.
What kind of employee are you looking for?
Red flag if they say someone who's willing to work beyond their hours!
How is conflict handled?
Always, always ask this. Sigh.
How do you retain employees? Is there an annual merit increase? How is the promotion process like?
You want to know if the increase matches inflation. You also want to know how they promote employees - is there tenure required, for example, or will you be required to take on projects that aren't in your job description, or will they ask you to work extra hours?
What are the KPIs?
Don't ever forget this! We all think when we see the job description, "Oh, this is right up my alley. I'll be promoted in no time!" Then you find out your KPIs on your first day of work and you realize they set you up for failure.
What are the next steps?
You want to know if they're going to tell you if you got the job or not, especially if it's a not. Some companies just never let you know.
What else? What else? Let me know in the comments! There’s a lot more, depending on what matters to you. For example, if you're a mom of just one kid and he's old enough and he's doing well in school and has great friends, then maybe spending 10 hours at work isn't such a big deal. But when you have 3 kids and the youngest says he still needs his mama, then...
Sometimes, when I get home and I'm not so exhausted, I cook! My family misses my cooking.
In my case, I asked about medical benefits because I have 3 kids and I got sick last year. Suddenly, health benefits became a priority, which is the second biggest reason I went back to the rat race (the first is regular income - running a business was hard during the pandemic). I liked what the company offered - it was a really good HMO package! - but joke's on me because when I finally got regularized and qualified for HMO, all our family doctors and dentists said they were not affiliated with the particular HMO of our company. So that really, really sucks.
Some questions should be asked as soon as they come up in conversation. You don't have to wait till the end of the interview to take out your list! But, yes, write down your questions and let them know you want answers. This lets them know you're serious about the job and yourself.
Remember, a job is a relationship. You're not a slave and your employer is not a dictator. Ask your questions because you need to know what you're walking into. Yes, you want to make a good impression but they need to impress you, too. Will they actually be honest with you? I dunno. But trust your gut.
And then even after all the questions and answers and you finally get hired, you walk into the office and meet your coworkers and you get that sinking feeling in your tummy. "Oh shoot. I've made a mistake." That's okay. There's a probation period of 4-6 months for you... and the company! Yes, you should work hard and give your best, but keep your eyes and ears open and see if the company is giving its best to you, too.
Over the last few years, some dear Loyal Readers dropped messages in my inbox asking if I was ever going to talk about Papa because I said I would. I promised it in "When peace is a complicated thing," and maybe you should read that first because it will help you understand this post.
Papa died in April 2019, and while I had peppered my blog with stories of how Papa and I had drifted apart in the last two decades of his life, I still thought I would feel his loss. People told me that I would regret our distance. That I would regret not trying harder.
But I'd already tried. Talked, gave (how much I gave!), forgave, tried again. I was always trying because I felt that I owed that to him because he was my father, and that I owed it to Mama, who also always tried till the day she died. I found out later from my aunt that Mama regretted trying to make it work all the damn time. So that informed my decision to walk away later on when the straw finally broke the camel's back.
That was the day when I visited him yet again with my little baby boys, and he just kept watching TV. Nakwento ko na ba ito? Anyway, there was a basketball game. He loved basketball. But I was there, and with his grandsons, too! Surely he loved us more? So I said, "Papa, look at your apos. Play with them. Or play the guitar. They love music! Get to know them. We're only here once a month, and they grow so fast." And Papa, without looking away from the TV, said, "I don't have to. I know all I need to know from your Facebook posts."
I was shocked, but not surprised. I guess the shock was him saying that in front of my kids. I tried again. "But you know Facebook is just the highlight reel. Don't you want to know how we really are?"
And still not taking his eyes off his stupid basketball game, he said, "I'm okay with Facebook."
So I let him be okay with Facebook. He shared my sons' photos with gushing updates and his 5,000+ friends liked and commented, "You're such a great lolo! So blessed!" They never knew he never asked to see my sons, never even asked about them. Kahit text man lang na "Kumusta na ang mga bata?" wala. He went out of his way to see friends and relatives na mas malayo pa sa bahay ko, but my sons? No. Ni ha, ni ho, wala.
I can forgive anything done to me. But it's a different story when it comes to my kids. If you're not making an effort to get to know my kids, then they don't need to know you. It took me a long time to learn that I shouldn't force myself on friends, guys, jobs, situations. Kung ayaw, eh di huwag, diba?
Why then should I force my children on people who don't care about them? My sons don't deserve that indignity. I say this with no anger at all. I'm over it frankly. Papa and I had forgiven each other before he died. Tapos na yun. But people ask what happened and here is the story. Now you know. It's sad. Some people say, "Para yun lang." It's not "yun lang" for me. Reject my kids, I reject you. Any good parent will do the same to protect their children. Even then, believe it or not, I have no anger or hate at all. Not even disappointment. I expected it after all.
People still ask sometimes, "Do you miss him? Do you regret not having a relationship with your Papa?" And I know they want me to say I do. And you know what? I also wish I could say I do.
Listen to this song. Remove the romance aspect of the lyrics and that's how I feel about Papa.
I want it to hurt. I want to hurt so badly because that would mean I lost something so vital, it hurts to breathe.
When Mama died, it truly felt like someone punched a hole through my chest. Until now, I whisper sometimes into the void, "I wish you could see me now, Mama. You'd be so proud of me." And I'd tell her about Vince, our perfect boys, my imperfect ways of mothering. I'd ask her did she feel as lost or as amazing as I do. I'd tell her my heart breaks when I realize she didn't have money many times, and I only understand the despair and fear now as a mother, too. And I come from a place of having enough when she raised us with barely enough to get by. I still talk to her, and for 15 years she hasn't talked back. I think I'll do this until we finally catch up in heaven.
But with Papa... I remember only one time when I cried. I was in a taxi. This was a few months after Papa died, still before the pandemic, and I was stuck in traffic. I saw another taxi idling by the curb on the other side of the street, the driver helping an old man load suitcases into the trunk. A young woman hurried to him with another bag. They both hugged like they'd never see each other again, and I knew she was flying off to work in another country. The taxi drove off (it wasn't traffic on that side of the road) and the old man stared after it for a long time. And that sad, longing, proud-parent smile broke me.
I never had that with Papa. When I left home, when I got married, when Mama died, when he left to live in Leyte, when my kids were born. Nothing. He was like, "Hey, this is it. So good luck." No joke, guys. Talagang wala lang talaga. I got more emotion and support for my life events from you, my blog readers, than from my own father.
I don't hate him. I'm not even angry at him. After our talk at the hospital as he hovered near death, I realized he didn't know what to do with me or act around me. He felt inadequate as a man, a husband, and as a father. He was ashamed. And he was afraid. That's why he never even tried. I came away from our talk reeling because Papa was one of the funniest, smartest, incredibly charming, and unbelievably talented men that walked this earth. And he had a beautiful wife! And beautiful, talented children and grandchildren! How could he not possess the confidence and grace of one so gifted?
I still feel this immense sadness for him, for Mama, and for my siblings. All the pain we went through! Sana nagalit na lang ako kasi I know how to deal with my anger. Kahit na ano pang laki ng liyab ng galit, nauubos din ito. But sadness is like the sea. And my sadness for this poor old man who lived his life in fear of disappointing everyone and so ended up disappointing everyone, who was so afraid to give so he took and took... My God, how my heart aches with sorrow for Papa!
But does my heart ache for him?
You know, I wish I missed him. I do. He doesn't occupy my thoughts unless people ask, and that so rarely. I miss the idea of a father. I see Vince being so involved in our sons' lives. I see Vince's dad swooping in when we need help. I see my friends doting on their daddies and their daddies still doting on them - note that my friends are middle-aged women like me! I read about God's provision, protection, and care for His children. And I miss that kind of fathering. And yet how can you miss something you never really had?
So sometimes - not all the time, and only when I stare long enough at fathers being daddies - I like to imagine that things were different.
I like to imagine that Papa cried at my wedding and gave an embarrassing speech that made everyone laugh and cry. I like to imagine he was there all the times I was pregnant, getting emotional that his daughter was now a mommy. I like to imagine loud Sunday lunches and my boys around their Lolo and his guitar on his knee and him singing to them in his wonderful voice. I like to imagine him giving me advice when I found marriage, motherhood, and life overwhelming and he'd say stuff like, "I wish your Mama could see you now. She'd be so proud of you."
I like to imagine he was proud of me.
The mind is a malleable thing and maybe my imaginings will turn into memories, which, though false, will be something I can hold on to. And maybe then I can finally grieve.
"I still love the people I've loved, even if I cross the street to avoid them."
Hi, everyone! I'm Frances. I'm the author of Not Invisible. I'm also a lifestyle and parenting writer, a book editor, the co-founder of Lean In Manila, and I have a day job in corporate communications. When I find time away from my busy life as all mentioned and as a wife and mom, I blog here.
Welcome to my blog! It's a 16-year-old honest and safe space for working moms, mothers of boys, and feminists (I just described all of myself). Thanks for dropping by!
BUY MY BOOK!
Also available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Ukiyoto, Dymocks, and Kindle
BUY THE NOT INVISIBLE BOOK EXPERIENCE KIT
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BUY THE END OF ALL SKIES
Also available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kinokuniya, and most online bookstores
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