TOPAZ HORIZON

Weekend weekend! And what do we do on weekends? Some shop, some go out with family and friends, some watch movies, some play sports, some paint their roofs or fix the faucet or do some motorhome repair, and then there are those who devote their idle days on quirky little hobbies like stamp collecting.

I have a cute stamp collection myself. They're all of rabbits!

It's a modest collection. I have many more stamps--so adorable and clever!--but this would be a very long and picture-heavy post if I posted them all. I haven't actually been able to attend to my little hobby since I gave birth in 2010, so imagine my shock and delight when Mariel's dad, Tito William, sent me these awesome gold stamps:

The stamps came in a special folder encased in protective plastic.

OMG. They're 24-karat gold foil! I haven't taken them out of the plastic. I don't want to soil them with the oils and dirt from my fingertips. It's an amazing pair of precious stamps. Tito William, thank you oh so much! I will cherish these stamps forever!

If you check out my other blogs (Topaz Mommy and Beauty For A Living), you'll find I've been updating frequently. I've been able to spend a lot of time online this week because I've been stuck at home sick. It's a nasty cough and cold. Being pregnant, I've not been able to resort to my usual pill-popping ways so this bug is taking its slow sweet time leaving my body. And I am miserable.

Well, not too miserable since, in other news, everything's fine and dandy. OK! magazine is doing well, the pregnancy is progressing along okay, the money front is secure, I have fabulous friends, my husband loves me and only me... yep, life is great!

I guess I'm just being a worrywart. I seem to like to torture myself with worry--I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about my lovely house because a fire or an earthquake might destroy it (I didn't feel the 6.1 this afternoon! That's why when Vince was herding me outside, I was delaying: "Wait, I have to get this and that!"... to his complete annoyance). And that's just one example! If I don't watch it, I'm going to age badly and no wrinkle cream in the world will hide the fact that I'm a worrier!

The Bible says worrying is a sin. First, worriers wouldn't worry so much if they believed that a Sovereign God will see us through everything--good and bad. Second, worriers worry because they've become attached to the temporal things of the world and are afraid to lose them. So you can bet I also worry about this sin!

So I just pray for God to take away my fretting because I believe in His sovereignty (I do! I do!) and I say I am grateful for all the blessings in my life and will accept His will even if it is His will to take them all away. It works, you know. Prayer's like that--it changes me. Slowly, in my case, but there's change anyway.  

You know what else makes me forget my worries? This little creature:

Sad, sick, angry, scared... a little cuddle time with Matilda always cheers me up!

I think I'm finally out of a depression. Regular readers, you know I haven't had a good November. Now, I think I can finally explain what happened. A huge opportunity was offered to me the day before my birthday. It's so huge--in terms of prestige and money--that I was, and still am, reeling from it, so dazzled and flattered was I.

This is a good thing, right? Well, it is. But even as I thought about and then finally accepted the new opportunity, I began wondering if I made the right decision. It wasn't actually a done deal yet--I still had to go through some processes--but as I went through each step, I began to get restless. The littlest things upset me. I had a hard time sleeping. I would often find myself sighing and crying quietly but regularly like the maddening dripping from broken kitchen faucets.

I went on shopping sprees (will blog about my new vintage finds soon!). I became more tired than usual. I stopped doing my chores. My clothes and papers started piling up, my mess started creeping from my desk and my side of our bed to the living and dining areas. Vince, very neat and organized Vince, kept quiet but offered gently to help clean up, and I'd say, "No, no, I'll do that myself." But I won't. At work, I projected my happy self. But inside I was feeling unsure and stressed, and couldn't find pleasure in the job I love.

The few who knew about the offer (except OK!'s managing editor Lana and our ninong sa kasal who thought the brand was a dinosaur) was just as dazzled. They said, "Take it! Take it!" And I did! I felt like I grew shinier in their eyes. But as the final interview ended and the Americans said they were "very impressed," I ended that overseas call with a heavy heart, wiped my tears away and looked through OK! magazine and realized I just can't leave it. Not yet. I also wasn't ready to spend 24/7 doing something new--I'm like that: When I'm involved in a new project, I forsake everything else. When my mother died, I haven't seen her in almost 2 months, because I was that busy. I don't want to be that busy again.

So yesterday, after exactly 5 weeks of incredible highs and crushing lows, I turned down the offer. The night before, I alarmed Vince by sobbing my explanation: "I'm happy where I am now. I want to be grateful, not greedy." I think Vince was confused--being a man, he is the conquering type and thought the offer would be a great challenge, which he knew I liked. He also liked the money. Hell, I did, too. But I've always followed my heart, and look where my heart brought me--OK! magazine, my lovely home, and most wonderful of all, my darling husband Vince. My heart told me I wasn't ready to rock this boat. In the end, Vince assured me that he supports my decision. And I know he does, although I think he got frightened by my crying!  

I know I'm crazy to refuse so don't leave comments telling me I'm stupid. I already know that. There's still that ambitious part of me that's screaming in my head in absolute fury. I know opportunities like this don't come traipsing along every day, and I'll just have to live with this decision for the rest of my life. But now that it's done, my agony is over, my insomnia is cured, my world is again at peace.

Maybe now is not the time. Maybe in the future, something just as big will present itself again. Or maybe this means my time in a glamorous job is nearing its end and I should do something else--something not glamorous at all. Whatever the future holds, I only know that what I choose will always be the one that, in the words of that timeless song, will need all the love I can give, every day of my life for as long as I live.

Of course, I'm still thinking about the money I could've gotten. But I'll just have to make more money some other way. Kindly click on my ads then and buy shoes from me!

My dearest Topaz Horizon readers, I know I haven't been updating as often as I usually do. Been melancholy since Galady died and also been busy entertaining Matilda who is now a lonely wabbit. Then there's stuff happening at work (sorry, can't disclose) but suffice it to say that these have been interesting times. And if you're Chinese, you know that that's actually not a good thing!

I'm also going on a hypoallergenic diet. Had a bad allergic reaction to a facial this weekend (the seaweed mask did it). So I should avoid everything that I'm allergic to so that my skin won't get worse. So good-bye chicken, eggs, seafood, milk, chocolates, citrus fruits and everything else that makes life worth living!!! Man, I really hate hypoallergenic diets! Some people recommend a complete colon cleanse to flush away all the allergens in my system but I'll stick to drinking water. I just had my last two squares of brownies actually and, at dinner, a few sips of spicy chicken soup. Yum! So now I'm itchy again but... only for tonight. Tomorrow and for the next week, I'll be good.

No pictures obviously. So my darling Mozzarella will pretend to be moi. Indeed I look ghastly. Splotchy and red. So upsetting since I'm giving my first ever classroom talk on Wednesday. I'm sooooo excited! Except that I look like a cooked lobster so now I'm not so excited to face a roomful of students as the representative of the glamorous world of magazines. No way can anyone look glamorous with a swollen, red, bumpy face. But they invited me because of my credentials not because of my skin or the clothes I wear. Still, please pray my skin will calm down by tomorrow.

I'm really excited about my talk. It will be in De La Salle University and I'll be telling some college kids all about the celebrity magazine industry. And, honey, y'all know I love my job! Goodness, it's like being paid to eat candy really. Ya, some days it's cloying, some days it's sickening but most days, life is oh so sweet. And to tell kids about it is really something I'm looking forward to.

Now the question is what shall I wear? I wanted to wear my usual skinny jeans-comfy tee-and-sexy heels combo but my hubby says I should look professional. But that's what I wear when I go to work! Vince says I should put on the arsenal of dress, heels and makeup so I won't look like a student. Aww, ain't he sweet? He thinks I can still pass as a student! I love you, Vince!

Well, what do you know, it's almost Christmas. The pink tree is up, the gifts are starting to collect under it and I'm going through the first of many Christmas party invitations. It's a bit sad that we won't have our Christmas mascot around this year, though. Well, we'll have to force Matilda to pose for pics then!
Galady is actually Vince's baby girl. I was just the adopted mom so Vince was very sad when Galady passed away. He was really heartbroken. Still is. And he wanted me to add these photos of them so you all see how much he loved Galady:


Look at how round she was! That's why seeing her so thin and old really killed us. Vince has tons more photos of his baby girl. But I guess that'll be all for now. Hope you don't mind the photo tributes to Galady. It's just hard for us to let go...

Galadriel Amper Sales Rabbit finally said good-bye to us yesterday morning. Since suffering from a stroke in August, Galady hung on because every day I asked her to stay. On my birthday, we stayed home all weekend because she was slipping away but when my birthday came and went and she still greeted us with those big brown eyes, I thanked her for staying with me still.

But she was tired. I knew that. And with half her body paralyzed, that was no way to live. Vince and I sat by her in her final hours and when she started crying, we told her, "It's okay, baby. You can go, you can go." So at 2:40 AM, she finally followed the exit signs she's probably been seeing since August and went on her way.

The last 7 years and 6 months were filled with cuddles and love from the most adorable rabbit we've ever had. For once, I can't find any words to describe the heartache Vince and I are suffering. She was our baby girl. And we miss her so.



Galady, Mommy, Daddy and Matilda love you and miss you. We hope you're running free again in a land that's hopefully filled with all the Haagen Dazs ice cream, chocolate chip cookies, carrots, apples and bananas that you can eat. And be nice to Gandalf when you see her again. We miss you so.

I am feeling slightly better. Been down with a nasty cold bug that I am finally finally shaking off. So we continue with the Singapore series...

The morning after the Nuffnang blog awards, the Singapore Tourism Board scheduled a city tour... at 8 in the morning. Now I am not a morning person. Never have been. My mother used to tell me I would never be a successful person because successful people wake up with the sun. I'd always reply I'd find a night job and my father would always retort that women who work at night are... well, I am digressing.

So the bus leaves at 8. I woke up at 8:30. My roommate, Jen Juan, woke up at about the same time. The next 10 minutes were a flurry of panic. But to our relief, we weren't so late. True, we were the very last to climb aboard the bus at about 8:45 but there were also a few stragglers and everybody hid their groggy eyes behind dark glasses. Except me. I'm stuck with my eyeglasses, which didn't hide how sleepy I was.

While we went to several places, today I'll talk about my favorite one. The Royal Selangor. It's a pewter shop. What's pewter? See the background of my photo above? That's pewter. Despite the entire wall of it behind me, it's not used for metal buildings. Pewter is like silver but it's really tin and in olden times, pewter was used chiefly for tableware so if you watch all those Middle Ages movies and people are eating and drinking from metal plates and glasses, well, that's pewter they're eating and drinking from. The Royal Selangor is world famous for their pewter products and I really wanted to buy these rabbits but they were way over my budget:
However, we didn't leave empty-handed since we all had a chance to make our own pewter bowl! Pewter is a malleable alloy so we were given wooden hammers, a flat pewter disc and a set of letters and numerals and told to hammer away!
This was my design:
Obviously I was thinking of only one person the entire time. Anyway, after hammering my disc into a perfect bowl, I felt really satisfied and rediscovered something about myself: I like working with my hands. Aside from cooking and housework, I've never really done anything with my hands. Sewing and knitting were hard on my eyes. I used to be able to draw well but my parents didn't encourage us kids to take up the arts because artists starve (funny then that my brother is a musician, I'm a writer and my sister is an actress--something wonderful does come out of disobedience).
When I was 17, I made the bookshelves for my tiny bedroom, measuring, sawing the plywood, hammering in the nails... I felt a great sense of accomplishment with carpentry but of course, my parents didn't raise me to be a carpenter or to be anyone who worked with their hands. I was supposed to be a rich housewife and a doting mother to at least 4 kids. I remember telling Papa I wanted to be a writer because I can create stories, he said, "Create? The only thing a woman should be creating is babies!" Now, I have nothing against women who embrace this creative aspect but I think, in this aspect, I will continue to be a happy disappointment.

So lately, I've been drawn to shoe and jewelry design. It's something I think I'd like to do. When I see and touch my little pewter bowl, which Vince now uses as the house keys container, I believe I've found another thing to do. And I'm really really excited about this!

I would like to thank Nuffnang and the Singapore Tourism Board for this Uniquely Singapore Series.

Here's my other baby girl, the adorable and naughty Matilda. She got my eyes, don't you think?

Time for a Galady update! The bad news: She's still paralyzed. The good news: That means she's still alive! Most days she's still cheerful especially when there's wabbit treats; some days she's very tired and not even treats can cheer her up. The poor thing... I guess it's really hard for her to hold on to life considering how difficult her situation is now. And yet, she hangs on and I am grateful that my brave little bunny is still doing her best to make mommy and daddy happy.


Then there's Matilda. We call her Maldita (I can't find a word in English but its closest is spoiled rotten naughty beeyatch!). Matilda the Maldita likes to bully Galady about because she's jealous. Here she is attacking Galady after Galady's bath.
She also eats Galady's food, drinks her water, pees and poops in her cage... basically being a big meanie! Still, Galady adores Matilda; if we separate her from the bully, Galady gets sad and pines away. So between letting her die of old age or of a broken heart, we've already made our choice--Galady and Matilda can stay together, even if it kills the old girl, because that's how that sweet rabbit would want it.Have a happy weekend with your loved ones!