TOPAZ HORIZON

It's Valentine's Day today but my head's not there because tomorrow is Vince's birthday. All he wants is a video game. Again. I've been giving him video games for the last eight or so years and I'm really starting to think I'm a horrible gift giver. I've given Vince shirts, toys, shoes but nothing makes him as happy as the latest video game. So I'm giving him (surprise!) a PS3 game tomorrow.

Now when it comes to gifts, Vince is very very good. He gives me the best gifts! Special edition books, quirky stuff like my hot pink Christmas tree, roses as big as my fist, my diamond engagement ring... Then there are the poems and love letters! He's an A+ when it comes to gifts. But let me tell you about my favorite gift of all.

When Vince and I met, he was a talented writer from a rich family, lived in a posh gated neighborhood, drove his own car, had a lucrative advertising career. I was a nobody. His girlfriends were these beautiful women who were incredibly rich and glamorous. I was a nobody and I owned three pairs of shoes. His friends were jetsetters who talked about diving in Palau, shopping in Hong Kong, summers in Spain. I was a nobody who's never been anywhere. I honestly didn't know what he saw in me.

One afternoon, Vince and I were walking in a mall when I saw this beautiful red velvet bag. It was small and it was hand-beaded completely with shiny beads and sequins. I ran my hands over the bag and said, "This is so beautiful, Vince!"

"Buy it," he said.

I put the bag back on the shelf and sadly said, "It's too pretty for me," and I put it out of my mind because back then we were so poor that to be happy, we just didn't dwell on things we didn't, couldn't have.

A few days later, Vince gave me a package and in it... was the red velvet bag. He said, "Everyone deserves to have something pretty. And you're beautiful."

That pretty much changed my life. I used to think I should just be content with my lot, to not want and ask for more because I didn't deserve anything good and beautiful. But with that one bag, Vince showed me that I'm special, that I'm somebody after all and the world was mine to conquer. Everything--jobs, friends, life--was easy after that.

The bag is not the most expensive gift Vince gave me, not even the prettiest, or rarest, or most fabulous. But it's my favorite because it changed my life. Thanks, Vincent. Happy hearts day and happy happy birthday!

Two weddings are coming up: Mariel's and Nikki's. We're all in a flurry of preparations but there'll be one friend missing from the parties--darling Kat.

Kat resigned from her job as the super chic fashion editor of Cosmopolitan to study fashion merchandising in NYC. Years ago, Kat and I would talk about further studies but since life was so good to us (my goodness, we have the best jobs in the world!), what was the point of leaving our cushy lives and becoming a student again? But she told me she wants to take up something fashion so she can work in the mega fashion brands of the world. I told her that I want to freshen up my literature and creative writing knowledge so I can--get ready for this--teach Koreans.


Kat said she was thinking of studying abroad. I said I was thinking of enrolling at an online university; after all, I can't leave my husband and rabbit to study! I already looked at schools like the London School of Journalism and Penn Foster Career School. The LSJ appeals to me because it's a British school and my favorite writers are British so obviously I would benefit from British teachers. The Penn Foster school is also known to have successful graduates and, like the LSJ, the courses are quite affordable. Someone sent me an email telling me to check out the online degree programs of Western Governors University but I was pretty disappointed that its offerings are mostly for those interested in business, IT, education, and the health industry. So while I'm sure it's a great school, it doesn't have anything to offer me.

Anyway, these are the stuff Kat and I would chat about late at night, interspersed with gossip and love stories and shopping finds. Then we'd laugh at ourselves for thinking such silly things ("School! So far out!") and we'd go back to our glam lives.


Little did I know that Kat was actually dead serious. A few months ago, she said she got accepted at the Fashion Institute of Technology. We were thrilled for her! And then she said, "I'm moving to New York City!" And our smiles died. The gang was losing one member and though we were so excited, we will miss her so.

Last month, Kat left for the US of A, her top concerns being: (1) how to fit all her clothes within her luggage capacity and (2) how to look fashionable and not freeze to death while doing so. Typical Kat, she's found solutions to (1)--it involves a smitten man!--and (2)--it involves creative layering. But being a student means no job which means save money, so she won't be able to fly back here to attend the weddings of our friends.  

When Vince and I went to London for our honeymoon, my biggest regret was not setting aside an entire three days for the National Gallery. We spent just three hours instead and then we had to catch the plane to Manila. We missed our plane but you can read more about London here (although back then, my posts were mostly written in Taglish).

Anyway, I took a few courses in Renaissance Art in college since I've always been fascinated with it when I was a kid. So when we entered the National Gallery and I saw the works of Da Vinci, Van Gogh, Titian, Holbein, Vermeer, Rembrandt, Monet... I completely lost it. I just cried! Seeing those paintings has got to be one of the most amazing things in my life and I will go back. And I will spend an entire hour staring at this:


This is a huge painting. It's bigger than my house, I think. This depicts the tragic conclusion of the life of Lady Jane Grey, Queen of England for a mere nine days. She was the grandniece of that notorious Henry VIII (he of the six wives) and though she was royalty and had the best life had to offer, she didn't have her parents' love. Their ambition was her undoing.

I won't do a history lesson here but I just wanted to say that this was my favorite painting in the precious few hours we spent at the National Gallery. Vince and I stood before this painting transfixed. It is absolutely stunning--the alabaster of her skin, the satin of her gown, the way she fumbled about for the chopping block, the gentle way she was assisted to her death, the distress of her maids, the calm of her executioner. And she was but 19 years old. Poor thing.

The painting is magnificent and Lady Jane truly does inspire some of the most remarkable art. WendyB, my gorgeous blogger friend who I admire and adore, has created a pendant inspired by the tragic Lady Jane.

Within the rock crystal teardrop are rubies, symbolizing blood and tears. It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. And I want it! I'll have to earn tons of money to afford it, however, but I've already put that photo on my dream board and whatever I put on that board, I get!

UPDATES:
1. Interested in Jane's story? WendyB has a fun and easy post about her. Click here!
2. The necklace is about PHP 300,000.

*painting photo from Wikipedia, pendant photo from Wendy Brandes

Thanks everybody for your kind words. And to those who didn't have any kind words, fuck you.

I'm not going to talk about my pregnancy anymore or anything serious. I always said before that shallowness is the theme of this blog and yet I keep insisting on otherwise. I'm not just talking about the pregnancy; even my mother was criticized when I wrote about her recently. For Pete's sake, the woman is dead! Did ya forget to take your anti-depressants or something?

So let's go back to fun and vanity and frivolity. Better to be called stupid and vain than all the other nasty things I've been called recently. On to shopping! And parties! And shoes! And celebrities!

The previous post was interesting because some reader got offended by a comment I made and some readers reacted and then it became nasty and then I just had to not allow nasty comments anymore (the exchange is at my mommy blog--yes, I double post!). To be honest with ya, I found the exchange fascinating. I always liked controversy and dirt (which explains why I work in an entertainment magazine!) but since that is a mommy blog, I kinda figured I better clean it up since mommies seem to be expected to be positive and perfect. And since I'm spilling my guts there (and here) about how I feel about pregnancy and people around me (and guts aren't pretty), well, I'm rubbing people the wrong way.

First of all, I want to assure everybody that I love my unborn child. I hate feeling vomity and hungry and dizzy and tired and I certainly do not like my acne and the unsolicited advice being thrown at me left and right, but hey, it comes with the territory. I don't like what comes with the pregnancy but I love the kid that's causing all this fuss. The Jelly Bean is worth it.

Second, I'm honest but I'm not mean. People can't tell the difference. If you're fat and you ask me, "Hey, am I fat?", I will say, "Yes, you're fat." I will not mince words and I will not look away. But when I do say that, I'm not being nasty; I just answered your frikkin' question. So when I said in my previous post that I noticed that only ugly and unfashionable women tell me to stop trying to look good, I did mean that--that I'm fascinated with the fact that beautiful, kind and stylish women are encouraging and helpful while ugly women are nasty and discouraging. It's true! I wasn't being snarky when I wrote that; I was stating an observation.

Third, second point doesn't mean I'm a good and gentle person. If I were, this discussion won't even exist. I can be cruel and unkind. My friends and family call me "brutally honest" and they say this fondly but my family and friends are wonderful people who love me despite having been victims of my tongue. I've hurt a lot of people even though I didn't mean to. My sister once told me, "You're an editor so edit yourself!" As I've gotten older, I've learned to hold in my opinion, to lie even, but people can always tell if I'm lying. So now I say, "Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies."

Fourth, will my brutal honesty harm my child? I have no idea. My mother was just as brutal while my father's philosophy was, "Honesty is not always the best policy." I don't want to know why my father will live by that credo but in my experience, I appreciated my mother's truthfulness so I want to be just as truthful with my kid. But I do hope that wisdom and compassion will hold my tongue and, to be honest with ya, just right now, wisdom and compassion are two things I'm still learning about. So help me God!

Fifth, what does this mean for my blogging and my promise to be completely candid? Well, this means I'll still tell you how I really feel. And if you think I've said too much, do tell me. Sometimes I really am not aware if I'm already being hurtful. My husband, my friends, my brother and sister are always telling me to be careful, to shut up, to delete that post, etc. So tell me if I was out of line--I'm used to being told off and I don't get offended because I know how stupid and careless I can be. Also, if you notice, I don't really blog daily. That's because there are days I really really am miserable but I don't want to post it because I really don't want to record too much ugliness.

They say pregnancy is a beautiful thing. So far, it's been pretty ugly (sniff! sniff!). But I do have moments of happiness--the ultrasound and seeing that beautiful little Jelly Bean swimming about as we counted its fingers and toes (complete sets!), the gentle way my husband treats me and tells me I'm beautiful even though pimples have multiplied on my face and back, the way drivers will stop their cars or strangers will open doors when they see me waddling past, the way people's eyes light up when they find out I'm pregnant... There is kindness, too. And I'm happy to be honest about that!