TOPAZ HORIZON

Happy New Year! It's back-to-work day today and I hope you all had a fantastic holiday because we're going to need all those happy memories and good food to sustain us for another year!

Another year. Imagine that! I'm extremely grateful I still have a new day to spend with my family. I really pray that God gives me not just another day but many more years to be with my husband and kids, and to do His will—which I think is to serve my family. I need Him to give me more time because I haven't really been the most amazing wife and mom in the world. I'm not terrible but I know I can still do better. I'm just not there yet. I'm still trying. There's no peace yet (will there ever?) about how I am as a wife and mommy.

As I was scrolling down my Facebook feed this weekend, I read many thoughts on the past year (my husband mockingly calls them New Year's Essay Contest hehe). Many of my friends on Facebook apparently had a horrible year. Wow. You'd never think that, looking at their updates throughout the year. Just goes to show that what we share publicly is just a snippet of our lives.


I didn't have a fantastic year either... if I choose to focus on the negative, that is, and there was a lot of bad stuff that happened indeed. But there was a lot of good, too. Lots and lots of good. So I will focus on that and declare that 2015 was also a great year. Not the best, but it had its wonderful moments!

I don't want to brush aside the bad, though. We have to learn from the past so we can have a better future. And here is what I learned from 2015:

1. Commitment is a constant state. I don't think my marriage has ever been tested as much as it was tested last year. Nothing movie-worthy—no affairs, no fell-out-of-love feelings, no torn-apart-by-destiny plot line. Ours was more insidious. Vince and I were just drowning every day in everything three kids could possibly throw at us. Consequently, we simmered in resentment and neglect. There were explosive fights and long silences.  

It was horrible because we still loved each other so much and yet we weren't showing it. We couldn't seem to be able to! The kids' needs were so constant and in our face! There would be entire days that we would pass each other in the hallway and eat meals without talking to each other simply because we were attending to a child crying, another one's bump from a fall, another one's feeding.   

I finally realized that the best thing I can do for my children is to prioritize my marriage. Vince and I talked and talked and talked about this. And, more importantly, we made changes. While the needs of the kids haven't abated, we now make sure to look at each other over the little sweaty heads, to touch hands or pinch a butt as we rush past each other to attend to a child or two, to steal a kiss whenever we can. It's just little things and sometimes they don't feel enough but they are constant reminders to each other that we are committed to our marriage. 

2. Liking isn't necessary to loving. I hate Legos. They're messy, noisy, constantly getting lost, and extremely painful when I sit or step on them. All those wise quotes people keep posting on Facebook and Instagram sagely advice to get rid of everything that makes you unhappy. Well, Legos make me unhappy. Extremely so. But they make my kids happy. Extremely so. So I keep buying those blasted things. Why? I may dislike them passionately but I love my kids. What can I do?! 

Sometimes I think these Legos are a foretaste of the future. My kids will like friends, hobbies, music, clothes, girls, and lifestyles that I may not like. But does what I feel matter? No. Granted of course those things aren't dangerous (like drugs and toxic friends and girlfriends) and then I will need to step in. But I have learned to love what my kids love even though I dislike whatever it is—an important attitude I learned really early. Thanks to Legos. 

3. Friends can save your sanity. They do. I don't know what I'd do were it not for my tribe of wise women. Everyone needs somebody to say the truth as well as offer comfort, to make you smile as well as get mad at you when you're being dumb, to get mad and fight for you when you're being too scared or stupid. I'm glad I have these women in my life! 

4. Bad people are difficult to shake off. Towards the end of 2015, a couple of friends revealed their true colors. One tried to sabotage my job. Another said the most awful things about me and when I confronted her, she spat out so much hate at me all because I asked why she was voting for a certain person. These on top of the other blogger friends I used to have, the mean bullies. These betrayals really messed with my head. Someone I work with told me, "Don't let it stay in your head. Rebuke it. Reject it. Better yet, cut off these people from your life!" Yep, remember that advice about getting rid of anything that makes you unhappy? Well, it's not so easy when it's people. I'm still "friends" with these Judases. I don't know why.  

5. Letting go is hard. This must be the reason to the above situation. But this Lesson #5 is meant more for the material things I can't seem to let go of! After three pregnancies, my body has changed. I believe that 90% of my wardrobe don't fit or flatter me anymore. And yet I keep them around in the vain hope my pre-kids body will return. My husband says whether it returns or not, I should just get rid of the clothes and shoes anyway. They're all from 6 years ago. More than not fitting me, they're not on trend anymore. He says, "Just buy new clothes and shoes!" But I caaaaaaaaan't! 

6. Aging bothers me after all. I have always looked forward to 40. I thought that that would be the age I would start being wise, I can finally have a stylish wardrobe and all the great things that come with old age without looking old. Well, this year I'm not liking what I see in the mirror. My face and my body reflect my life now—sleepless years nights, exhaustion, fast food and junk food, no exercise. The white hair, fine lines, sun spots, sagging lids, yellowing teeth, and everything else a young body doesn't have doesn't sit well with me, and my unhappiness about it bothered me.  

You see, I always thought I would welcome aging with grace. I'm not a vain woman, I celebrate my age, I like growing old, I am realistic about aging. But when I saw it happening to me, I was surprised at how upset I became. It made me rethink who I am. Am I vain after all? Am I going to be one of those Botox-stiff people after all?  

7. Being a Christian is really hard. I think I questioned God a lot last year. How can I pray without ceasing when I can't even think straight? Is the Proverbs 31 woman even for real? Is keeping quiet really the best way to respond to the awful things this person did to me? Are You really going to provide for us? Am I ever going to be the wife and mother You want me to be? 

That's what I learned in 2015. Here's what I hope to learn in 2016: I want to learn to love.


Yep. Love! Love in every sense of the word. Love in all its forms. Love that's real and fierce and spiritual and God-led. Love that informs all my decisions and actions.

Wow. That's hard. Big goal. I'm already intimidated just thinking of it. Love is my word for 2016.

I have words for every year since 2013. It helps define that year. In 2013, it was simplicity. In 2014, it was family. In 2015, it was courage. This 2016, I had decreed it to be abundance. I had a good year financially and career-wise in 2015 so I wanted that to continue and flourish this year. So I decided on the word abundance.

Vince disagreed and said, "Your word should be sex."

We laughed. Yeah, while it's still happening, sex isn't happening as often as we'd like! Two reasons: the kids and the exhaustion. Then I thought, "If I really loved Vince, I should honor his needs. Being married means making love and, yes, we must make more time for more of that!"

My motivation to make love is because of love. Love must always be my motivation for everything in my life!

I will be more patient, more kind to and more fun to my husband and kids. I will serve my family with grace and joy because I love them. 

I will spend more time with my friends and other family members because I love them. 

I will take care of my home, not allow mess to pile up, make everything pretty and clean, and use my nice things because I love my home and the ones who live in it. 

I will take care of my body, drink more water, eat healthy food, and exercise. I will apply the lotion, moisturizer and sunscreen, exfoliate weekly, pat on the eye cream. I will get rid of the clothes that make me sad and take up space in my closet and buy clothes that will make me look and feel good. I will go to the salon every two months. I will visit the derma and the dentist. I will sleep!!! I will love my body because it's the only one I've got and three little boys need me to be healthy, fit and beautiful. 

I will be more conscientious with my work. No more missed deadlines. No more "That will do" attitude. No more lateness. I will be the best magazine editor, blogger, writer, PR manager I can be because I love my work and how it puts food on my table and allows me to live my wonderful life.  

I will spend more time with God in devotions because I love Him. I really do. I haven't given Him any time at all last year, sadly. Maybe that's why I was so stressed and upset! Besides, I don't think I can succeed in this love project without the God of love to help me and guide me. 

Love is what will define and shape and move my year! The abundance will come after all that love! I wish you also love, love and more love in your relationships and in all you do! God bless our 2016 with soooo much love!

*image from Christlike Ministries NWA

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This video made by SMART made me miss my Mama.


It's the song. A few weeks after Mama died, I was commuting to somewhere I don't remember when "Everything I Own" by Bread played on the radio. I love that song. The taxi driver sang along to the radio. I did, too. I like doing that. But when the lyrics went "Is there someone you know/ You're loving them so/ But taking them all for granted/ You may lose them them one day/ Someone takes them away/ And they don't hear the words you want to say," I started sobbing. The taxi driver was concerned and I told him Mama had just died and he nodded and said, "Kaya dapat lagi tayong nagpapasalamat sa mga taong nagmamahal sa atin talaga."

I never got to thank Mama. The biggest regret of my life. But I have heaven to look forward to, and there I will tell her all the words I want to say.

Meanwhile, here on earth, I'd like to thank those who have made my life so amazing.

First, to my husband, my dearest Vince. You have always always pushed me to be a better version of myself, to dream big, to work hard, to not get lazy, to not mind those who tried to pull me down, to focus, to be disciplined. And when I failed, you always caught me then pushed me back up again. Thank you for seeing in me what I don't see. In many ways, you are my mentor, the very best one, because you teach me everything! From understanding pop culture, history, current events, my many gadgets and apps haha, and the intricacies of writing and editing well all the way to the profound ways I can be a better person. Every day is a lesson of love and learning from you. Thank you!

Second, to my beautiful children, my darling Vito, Iñigo and Piero. I always thought the toughest part of my job as your mother is to teach you about life. In the 5 years I've had that honor, I've realized the toughest part is opening my eyes and heart to the lessons you teach me every day. How to be patient, how to be silly, how to be compassionate, how to forgive, how to be full of wonder, how to be humble, how to be fully alive, how to truly love. I struggle each day to be a better mommy because you deserve no less than the very best. Your patience with me is my inspiration. Thank you!

The light of my life! They teach me so much!

Third, to my family—the Ampers and the Saleses. Vince and I are, well, different from you but you all always accepted us and loved us. You supported us, our dreams and our lifestyles even when you didn't understand. Even though we mostly update each other through Facebook haha, you are always there. You teach us always about generosity of the spirit and the hugeness of hearts bonded together by blood. Thank you!

Fourth, to my friends. My family—because they know I can be obstinate—have long realized it is never a good idea to put me in my place, but you, my dearest friends of which there are few, have always bravely called me out when I'm being an asshole or just stupid. You encourage my dreams and you shoot down my fears. Yet you always show me respect and acceptance despite the many times I can be dumb and full of doubt. You've taught me about fierce loyalty. You inspire me all the time because of how amazing you all are with how you passionately pursue what you want—anything from the outfit you want and the career you desire to the life you want and be absolutely unapologetic about it. We're all so busy now and some of us live far far away but I love that we keep tabs on each other through Facebook, Instagram and emails because you value our friendship. Thank you!

Fifth, to my blog readers and all the friends I've made online. My life would not be this amazing now were it not for you. It's true. I don't know where I'd be now if not for blogging. You made it possible for me to spend every day with my family. Your support for my blogging, my projects, my workshops, my everything I do online is what feeds my family. To top it off, you email me all the time encouraging me to keep blogging, you share with me your life and your wisdom, you edit my grammar and spelling, and you tell me you love my little boys every day! You've taught me that friendship need not be a face-to-face thing. It can be made, forged and sustained virtually and yet be even more real than flesh-and-blood ties. Thank you!

This 2016, I'm going to be more appreciative. Like, if not verbally to their face at least through emails or when Facebook announces it's their birthday and I can expound more on the standard "Happy birthday!" greeting. I will really tell everyone who's made a difference in my life that what they do and how they live their life has made a monumental impact. That's the least I can do. I don't ever want to have unspoken gratitude as my regret ever again.

I also hope I've made a difference in your life, dear Loyal Readers. I've got quite a few plans up my sleeve for my blog this 2016. I want to use whatever influence I have to share with you what I've learned from my husband, my children, my families, my friends, my readers, my work, and my God. It's going to be an exciting year of learning for all of us! Stay tuned! Thanks!

For more on how SMART wants us to be teachers with the help of technology, visit http://smart.com.ph/Pages/teach.

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Wow. That was so un-Miss Universe.

And that's why, Pia, you deserve that crown. I won't feel bad for Colombia anymore. After all, she will always have that moment naman daw.


Ibigay na nga! Pasko naman. World peace, diba?


UPDATE:
Read about how Miss Universe Pia Wurtzbach tells Entertainment Tonight about that "mean girls" scene. Love how she's so gracious about it! She even said she'll apologize to Miss Colombia one day!

Read about how Miss Universe judge and celebrity blogger Perez Hilton says that Miss Colombia did not deserve the title at all.


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As the Market Editor of BABY Magazine, I get to shop for a living. Well, window shop since I really don't buy anything, just borrow them for the magazine when I do photo shoots. Now, many of my blog readers know I dislike the physical activity of shopping (I like shopping online!) so while I enjoy my job, the window shopping part is my least favorite part. It's a good thing I only do that once every two months!

Anyway, I will confess that there's one part of the window shopping aspect that I really really really enjoy—when I visit the bookstores for books and other paper items. I always look forward to that! At my recent jaunt to National Book Store to pick books for the January-February issue of BABY Magazine (I looked for books that will inspire change), I found other fabulous things that I would love to find under my Christmas tree!

I already have the Kate Spade planners (I have three! Here's my review!) but I would love to get those gold paper clips!

I really don't have time for journalling but I want to believe these journals (Q&A A Day For Moms: A 5-Year Journal, and Do One Thing Every Day That Inspires You: A Creativity Journal by Robbie Rogge and Dian G. Smith) which require just short entries every day, won't be too time-consuming.

Those are my three-year-old son's hands, by the way!

I want All in Good Taste by Kate Spade and Love Style Life by Garance Doré! I snuck a peek at Love Style Life and it is a good read on personal style!

Oh these beautifully bound hardbound book collections!

I've not read Game of Thrones because I started on the HBO show first and my husband, who's read the books, fills me in anyway. But if they look this gorgeous, maybe I will read it!

I'd love all three of these books for my boys! I hate it that the children's section of bookstores these days are overrun by franchises. Disney. Pixar. Marvel. DC. Disney Junior. Nickelodeon. Cartoon Network. It's all Frozen, Batman, Avengers, Sofia the First, Toy Story, etc etc on the shelves! That's okay, okay? But where are the classics??? The myths, the poems, the bedtime stories, the fables, the fairy tales? I'm so happy I saw these at National Book Store!

There's more books and stationery to love at National Book Store! I've always believed that the bookstore is the one-stop shop for gifts. So shop shop shop!

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I've been promising to review skincare products for a few months now, and I don't know if you've noticed but I have done no such thing. That's because my skin has broken out horribly. It started in July as a smattering of tiny white bumps on my cheeks. By September, they had exploded into angry red acne. I stopped using everything I was using, I went to a dermatologist, but no improvement happened at all.

Until Flawless offered to take of my skin!

Now I know celebrities trust Flawless, so that's a good thing, but many facial clinics also have rosters of stars anyway. What sold me on Flawless were two things: First, when I checked out their rates, the treatments are very affordable. There have been many times before that I'd go to a celebrity-endorsed skin clinic and then when it's time for my follow-up treatment, I decide not to go because I'll have to fork over thousands of pesos. Second, there's a Flawless clinic everywhere! That's happened to me before, when I need to go back for a skin check up, and I'm all ready to go and then the traffic defeats me, and I just decide to stay home. But now I have no excuse because I just walk to my Flawless clinic!

I started my acne treatment last month. Yes, it's only been three weeks but my skin has drastically improved! In fact, halos maiyak ako when the dermatologist told me, "Anak, sisiguraduhin ko na makinis ka na sa Pasko." It's only Dec 6 and I already know her promise will hold!

I'll do a proper review of my advanced acne facial and home treatment in separate posts. For now, I'm inviting everyone to take advantage of the amazing Flawless 7+7 Promo.

Flawless has 22 service combinations so you have lots to choose from. Book 7 sessions within the month of December and then you get an extra 7 sessions of other services for free!!! So, for example, me, I'll book 7 sessions of my advanced acne treatment facial, then I'll book my free whitening facials after so that all my dark pimple scars will lighten! Remember: this promo is until Dec 31, 2015, only so book na!

And another promo! Bring any soap—used or unused—and exchange it for a FREE Flawless whitening soap that has Kojic Acid, Salicylic Acid and papaya extract for its active ingredients. This promo is only for tomorrow so go to your bathroom now and ipagpalit na ang mga soaps mo for Flawless soaps! (see details here)

I just want to say I'm super happy with Flawless. I'm not flawless yet but my skin looks soooo much better! Thanks so much, Flawless!

To find out about more promos (and there's always one!), check out their website StayFlawless, like their Facebook page, and follow them on Instagram @myflawless.