TOPAZ HORIZON

2008 at my first ever bloggers conference at Singapore with Erica Paredes and Alodia Gosiengfiao. At this moment, I never even considered that my life would be changed by blogging forever. It changed my career trajectory, it saved me and my family when our magazine careers died, and it gave me so many friends (and haters!). Blogging has given me so much, and taken so much, but now I feel I can take it back again.

Remember blogging before 2010? Before Facebook, which everyone with a blog and website now needs to promote, we bloggers relied on word-of-mouth and Google. I'd get maybe 300 views a day and I was happy. People who came upon my blog were usually people who were just like me—weird and too honest—and the kindred spirit made me feel not so alone in this world.

Facebook changed all that. Plus all the exposure I got as a mommy blogger back in 2012. I started racking up to 60,000 page views a month. While the audience was much bigger, they were also not my people and I got a lot of negativity in the comments. It was strange because I was getting a lot of love from brands, hence the blog became a business; but I was also getting a lot of hate from strangers. I kept blogging because the money made it possible for me to stay home with my kids—that was the most important thing. But my heart was heavy and my mind not so healthy. And though the income was welcome, I also realized I couldn't be as honest anymore because brands like chirpy, I'm-so-blessed, oh-so-positive mommies. They didn't like brutally honest mommies who struggled with despair, exhaustion, and the fact that marriage and motherhood can be so damn hard.

Looking back, I don't feel any anger or resentment towards the brands that helped me or the people who hated me. It's a business so you have to respect the arrangement. It's a public platform so you gotta deal with people who don't like you. That's all. I think I have a healthy attitude now because brands have shifted their attention to Instagram and bloggers like me don't matter anymore.

And what a relief hahaha

Yes! I feel relief! I don't have to check my stats anymore! I don't have to blog when I'm lazy and tired just to keep the audience engaged! I don't have to entertain. I can just live my life again and share what I want again and I can say bad words and bad feelings and basically be... authentic.

Yes, that much-abused word. I like to think I remained true throughout my blogging career. What changed would be if before I would say what I think and feel—and I can be mayabang or mega nega or depressed—I had refrained from doing that. Actually, I still did write a lot of blog posts that were far from happy-happy-joy-joy. Motherhood was really a bitch to me. I love being a mom but it's fucking hard and maybe because I didn't want to be a mom, I had a harder time with it. But I couldn't really say that, you know? It's not... advertiser-friendly.

So I just focused on the positive even though I was going through post-partum depression and my marriage was going through hell. Hindi ko naman tinago yun. Diba I still wrote about those years? But I wrote about them when I was out of them na, so that may positive spin pa rin. You know, "I went through shit but I came out of it victorious and here are 5 lessons I learned and this was brought to you by Brand A." Hehe still brutally honest but also kinda full of bullshit haha

Joking aside, I tried to be authentic and honest all the time. I hope you agree.

But I'm also past that, that feeling that I need to write for you. When I blog thinking about the sponsor and the reader, I fail me. I. Fail. Me. And when I'm unhappy, I can't make anyone else happy, right?

I am so grateful to my sponsors and to my readers but it started getting scary when readers got angry at me for killing off Topaz Mommy ("Yan na nga lang binabasa ko, kukunin mo pa!"), for not posting about my kids anymore ("Madamot ka!"), for not blogging when they wanted me to ("Mommy, wag kang tamad."). I went through a few years wondering if I should do what my readers want—sing and dance, offer my kids as entertainment, share the most intimate parts of my life as a pastime. And I decided, as I watched vloggers do stunts to rack up views, and bloggers renovate their houses to be Instagram worthy, and influencers get into debt just to have a social media moment, I decided I'm going to just be me. And if people think that me is boring, then so be it.

And as if to make me feel better about my decision, the strangest thing happened. I got into the PR business and learned—now that I'm on agency-side—that brands don't like blogs anymore anyway. They prefer Instagram and you have to have at least 10K followers to be even considered. I only have 8K followers. And then readers also prefer Facebook and Instagram now. They don't like clicking links or even visiting #linkinbio. There are no readers anymore. People don't like to read, and they don't like blogs that have loooooong posts like this. So I guess my blogging as a business is dying haha

I say this with a truly relieved heart. Sure, I was sad. But I can claim my blog again. I can say shit and fuck again. I can even maybe not blog anymore. And that's okay. It's okay! My blog can be what it was like way back before 2010 when I just rambled about my dumb thoughts and silly observations of life and the universe, when I just shared my eBay finds, when I talked about movies I watched without trying to list down 5 lessons learned so I can be "inspirational" and it's such a relief!

I know you understand because only my Loyal Readers are around to read this anyway. You who have stuck around for years and years, through my many incarnations, and my many many confused, angry, depressed posts. That's why I feel like I was ready to write this post because I know you'll understand that I may have pulled back, I may have shown you peeks instead of the whole show, I may have done what I could to make brands and my readers happy, but ultimately you understand that I need my blog to be my own space. And you're the kind of reader who respects that.

That's why I love you and I'm so grateful for you all. You guys inspire me to still keep blogging! Even though I've wanted to quit so many times! So many other readers told me to do this, do that. But my Loyal Readers just stayed and read and encouraged and even criticized, but always I felt your open mind and welcoming hearts. Thank you.

I think I can blog again, the way I used to. And I hope that's okay with you, too.

*photo by Ashley Gosiengfiao

I finally have a new wallet! And I love it! Mamas, meet my Cath Kidston London Icons appliqué wallet. I lost my old wallet back in April and I searched long, far and wide for a new one to replace it. Finally, I was browsing Zalora and saw Cath Kidston was sold there (I didn't know!). I took some screenshots of the wallets I liked, posted them on my Instagram Stories and asked my followers to vote. I said I'd get the wallet that got the most votes. And London Icons won!


I'm doing a little reveal here for you because I promised my followers, the ones who voted, that I'll do a blog post on it. And here it is! I wanted this one because of 3 things:

1. I love everything that has polka dots.
2. It has icons of my most favorite city in the world, London—where I spent my honeymoon!
3. The icons are appliquéd, which adds texture and quirkiness to an otherwise normal wallet.


It won by one vote, by the way. But when the other wallet was winning, I knew I wanted this one to win. Nope, it wasn't a tie and, nope, I didn't vote for the London Icons to be the tie-breaker!

It's a long wallet, though, which I was hoping to avoid because the wallet I had lost was big and I think it fell out of my bag when I fished for my asthma medicine while I was walking home. Also big wallets take up so much space in my bag! But I've been using this for a couple of weeks now and I love it! Let's look inside!


It has many many pocketses! There's a zip compartment for coins and beside it a simple compartment for bills. The long wallet is not long enough for the peso bills, though. It's built for the British pound, so I just fold my bills.


Aside from the generous slots for my cards, there are also 2 secret compartments lying flat against the sides. I haven't figured out what to put there yet.

So there you have it! A peek at my new wallet that you all helped me get! Thank you! And thank you also to my dearest Loyal Readers who actually sent me DMs saying they prayed over my wallet—that it will never get lost and that it will always be full of money. Guys, I love you. Thank you so much for loving me!

You can buy your own Cath Kidston London Icons wallet from Zalora or you can check out the other wallets at the Cath Kidston flagship store at Bonifacio High Street at BGC, Taguig.

June is over and what a whirlwind it was. The kids started school. As I am now a veteran mommy of schoolkids, gone are the days of panic and stress. Okay, I was still stressed and slept maybe 3 hours every night (3 schoolkids means 3 sets of uniforms, books, school supplies, and baon and more loads of laundry!) and that's not good. But at least I'm no longer on the edge of panic and anxiety. I'm a lot relaxed now and that's good.

Vito is now Grade 3

Iñigo is Grade 2.

Piero is Kinder.

But as I watch the not-so-little ones chatter away happily at breakfast and come home noisily in the afternoon, I realize they have their own lives now. Own days, own friends, own music, little worlds I don't belong in anymore, and when once I felt suffocated by their sheer need to be in my space 24/7, now they are creating pockets of their life away from me and their Papa. And that's good. That is always good.

My heart breaks a little each day anyway, knowing they're not really mine, that no matter how tightly I hug them close, I don't possess them. They are their very own and I'm only here to raise them—not for me—but for someone else. That's motherhood for you, and that's okay.




Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while

The feeling that I'm losing her forever
And without really entering her world
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter
That funny little girl

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it

Summer was super fun for my two younger boys, Iñigo and Piero, because of Ready Steady Go Kids! Every Saturday, we trooped to the 9th Avenue School at BGC, Taguig, for an hour of fun and fitness with other kids.

You know how people call play the real work of kids? Well, this is exactly like that! The kids may seem like they're just throwing and catching balls or jumping up and down or chasing each other. They look like they're just playing but really they're developing eye-hand coordination, learning what their bodies can do and how it moves, building strength and flexibility, learning focus and patience and determination, learning to listen to instructions and pay attention to others—and doing all of that while having fun!

Ready Steady Go is Australia’s largest and most reputable multi-sport and exercise program for preschoolers (aged 2.5-7 years). We have been with RSGK since they launched here in the Philippines 5 years ago. At first, we were skeptical because it was just play. They can play at our playground for free! But at the very first session, when Vito was just 4, we saw that Vito learned motor and social skills fast. We were converted to the Temple of Play!


RSGK offers a high-quality, physio-designed program that teaches children the fundamentals of 10 different sports in a fun, non-competitive, team-based environment. There are 5 sports covered in each term. Each class focuses on a specific gross motor, hand-eye/foot-eye and/or balance activity to complement the sport component. The program has a structure repeated each week so that the kiddos become familiar and comfortable with the routine. It's not drastically different from each class, which is good because kids like familiarity.


So far, my kids learned basketball, golf, and tennis. But not in a competitive way. It was really just taking the basic moves of the sports and then using them to teach kids how to use and develop their muscles and social skills. It's really fascinating to watch the coaches apply sports to instill useful life skills! 


The classes run for 45 minutes. Best to go early so your kids can settle in. We also stay and play with the other kids after the class ends so we spend about an hour to an hour-and-a-half at RSGK. Super fun, mamas!


If your kids have summer vacation now or if they have classes but you want them to improve their motor skills or if you have a preschooler, please enroll them at Ready Steady Go! Super highly recommended! Topaz Mommy-approved! Register here: http://readysteadygokids.com.ph/enroll/

You can also follow their Facebook page to find out more: https://www.facebook.com/ReadySteadyGoKidsPhilippines. I can't say enough good things about RSGK! Please enroll your kids na!

Yo, I came out very quickly from blogger hibernation because someone slid into my DMs to say, "Kawawa ka naman puros lalaki mga anak mo." Girl, bless your heart, pero hindi ako kawawa. I am already so blessed to be a mother of one amazing, gorgeous, smart, healthy son. Na-times three pa! Sinong panalo? Sino???

Sinong pikon also haha

Pero nakakapikon talaga, ha. I was too suffocated with babyhood to have bothered before but, hey, I'm gonna make patol now. Why? Because this is not the first time this has happened! Piero wasn't even born yet and people have plagued me with this! Whenever people find out I have three boys, they get this look on their face, like, "Oh dear. Poor you."

Don't give me that look. Yes, I have a hard time with motherhood not because of the gender of my kids but because I'm a working mom, I have two (sometimes three) jobs, I have no household help, and no family around to help save my sanity. I may look kawawa kasi pagod na pagod ako at may losyang vibes na BUT I don't feel sad for having sons. Are you kidding me? I'm surrounded by three beautiful boys every day!

Three handsome boys all in a row. I mean, the world is always a better place when amazing brothers band together to rule it. Just look at these examples:


The Stark Brothers: Jon, Bran, Robb
Okay, technically Jon is their cousin but he was raised as their brother so don't fight me. And, yes, we will conveniently forget real brother Rikkon who was murdered by Ramsey. But just look at this photo from the first season of Game of Thrones! Who'd have thought they'd all become kings one day?


The Kennedy Brothers: John, Robert, Teddy
Yes, we'll do real life now. Yes, two weren't very good at staying alive and the last one wasn't very good at staying out of trouble but they did change US history and for three sons in one family to do that is pretty darn awesome.


The Hansons: Taylor, Zac and Isaac
Dreamy, can play music, can sing, knows a lot about art history, good looking, are amazing husbands and fathers. Perfect!


The Hemsworth Brothers: Liam, Chris and Luke
All three are successful actors (Westworld fans will recognize eldest bro Luke). They're easy on the eyes, too.


The Jonas Brothers: Nick, Joe, Kevin
Famous all over the world for being a pop sensation and for marrying strong and independent women.

The Sales VIPs
Best boys in this list! I can't even imagine what amazing things they'll do! I bet they'll be legendary. My mommy heart says so!

Mother of men. That's me!

I think having daughters is probably amazing, too. I say "probably" only because it's not my experience. I bet moms of daughters think they're the luckiest mommies, too. I'm super happy really. I seriously don't spend my days pining away for a little girl (sa hirap ng buhay ngayon, hindi talaga haha). Neither do I go around looking at moms of all girls and saying, "Kawawa ka naman." Loko ka. I think having kids of any number and any gender is a gift! So stop it and just congratulate me for being blessed three times over. Mwah!

"Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." Psalm 127: 3-5a