I have three little boys. Everyone says I must be enjoying being the only female in my home. Okay, I love my kids and how sweet they are to me but I'm also very aware that that there's a huge divide between me and my sons, simply because of our gender. One, I don't think I'd ever understand their obsession with their penises. Two, I don't get why they're gross and why they love gross stuff like boogers and poop and stinky feet. Three, I can't fathom why they have to be yelling and running and jumping and darn near killing themselves and destroying the house to have fun. This has to be a boy thing because I don't know any girl kids doing these things!
I can't even begin to imagine what life would be like when they're teenagers and hormonal and dating. I pray I'll be a great boy mom in every way. Many Pinoy men have moms who doted on them to the point that Pinoys think women are created to serve them. Many Pinoys don't know any household chores and display toxic masculinity. I believe the parents—both mothers and fathers—are to blame for this. Fathers and mothers who don't teach their sons to be tender and kind, to help around the house, and who encourage sexism and violence and sexual irresponsibility. Hence we're surrounded by emotionally immature, angry, confused, sexist, violent men.
As a mom of three future men, I always pray I'm doing the right thing with my sons. I'm very devoted to them but not devoted enough to serve them hand and foot. I'm actually very stern and strict with them. They love their mama but they won't become mama's boys, that's for sure. There are no gender-specific roles in our family. We are very open and honest and talk about everything from God and spirituality to sex and the evils of the world. It is my hope that raising them in a safe environment where both mother and father are simultaneously strong and vulnerable, honest and brave, fiercely independent and yet working as a team will turn them into men who are emotionally stable, not afraid to love, and secure in themselves to be whatever they want to be.
As you can tell, this is very important to me. It's one of my personal advocacies—to encourage fellow moms of boys to raise feminist men! I'm very passionate about this!
Anyway, I have a guest post today about how important it is for moms to have a good and loving relationship with their sons. Please read! We boy moms have a very important mission: to love our boys so well that they grow up to be real men, not mama's boys or women haters.
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A child’s development is highly subjective to factors such as heredity, environment, hormones, nutrition, geographical culture, and familial influence. Both boys and girls experience physical and mental changes throughout puberty. Boys tend to develop and mature later than girls. According to a study conducted by Newcastle University, girls can develop and begin maturing at the age of 10, while boys can be as late as 20.
The late maturity of boys can be a factor as to why they tend to act childish up until a certain age. Familial influence can be a determining factor as to how a boy will develop as he grows into manhood. To be specific, the mother-son relationship greatly contributes to his emotional health and development. This relationship will serve as the foundation of his character that he will carry throughout his life. To give more clarity on the significance of this connection, here are some important facts of the mother-son relationship.
Confidence
Boys who have a close bond with their mother will likely turn out to be a confident person. According to a study, when a male child experiences unconditional love, care, and acceptance from their mother they develop a sense of reassurance that they are worthy of love, affection and acceptance from others. They start to build a good basis for positive self-image. They become confident about who they are, what they are, and where they come from. Apart from this, when they are under the care of a loving, understanding mother, they develop into a warm, acceptable, and friendly individual.
They are Better at Resisting Hypermasculinity
When a strong bond between mother and son is present in the family, the child develops their own perspective of what being a man truly is. They do not buy into hypermasculinity and tend to stay away from aggressive behavior. For them, manliness is more than just fist fights, action figures, and color-bias gender. They also become more in touch about their uniqueness, and tap into their feminine side, making them better appreciate their emotions. When a person knows how to appreciate and use their emotions, they become more of a stable individual. In addition, they are also not afraid to tap into their artistic side.
They Learn To Respect Women
One important result of a close bond between mother and son is the child’s development and understanding of respect. At a young age, they will already form as assumption, that later becomes their life principle, about the importance of a woman’s presence in their personal life and society as a whole. Therefore, they will see women as an equal counterpart and show respect towards them.
This kind of characteristic will help your child be more inclusive about the friends they make. They do not get shy around girls their age, or tend to develop awkward behavior around the opposite sex. Instead, they will learn how to appreciate and compliment a girl’s habits, like wearing pretty clothes, being beautiful, graceful, and independently strong.
They Become Academic Achievers
When a boy is under the loving care of a mother, they tend to develop great interest, respect and a positive outlook toward schooling and academics in general. Mothers are usually our first teacher, and they tend to encourage us always about our school work. Mothers often teach their kids, especially the boys, to become in touch with our own opinions and feelings, giving us the assurance that it is okay to be transparent about expressing our thoughts. Therefore, this develops certain skills fit for academic excellence, like reading and writing. When a boy learns to express his thoughts and feelings, he can comprehend the content more precisely, and attune to the emotions of the book or article. In return, they become more articulate in their own speech and conversations.
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Next time, let's talk about the great importance of fathers in their sons' lives, too. I'll write that post myself because I want us moms to insist on our partners to take on a bigger role in parenting. Most of us moms—I noticed this!—don't allow our husbands to be more hands-on with our kids. Dads are vital to our children's identity and development! Let your husbands be fathers!
* This is a guest post, with my edits. To place a guest post, email frances@topazhorizon.com for my rates.
