Wednesday, August 10, 2016

What's inside my Kate Spade bag and Cath Kidston everyday kits

Say hello to my favorite bag, the Kate Spade Holden Street Lanie satchel.
I have this in two colors: this absolutely perfect pink and a beautiful black. I was thinking of getting it in cobalt blue, white, and red, too. But after only a few months in the stores and online, it was gone. Sigh. I love it so much!

Anyway, I'm not doing a bag review (unless you want me to!). I'm going to show you what's inside my everyday bag and kit. Here's a peek!

As you can see, I don't bring a lot. This is actually already a lot. I used to bring everything in a clutch. But since I've added a few more things, I moved to a bigger bag. Here's what's inside:
My Charles & Keith wallet, my iPhone 6 phone in a Kate Spade case, my Beauty Biz Bliss business cards in a Ni-QUA card case in smooth dark green leather, my little sketchbook for my #waiting sketches (check it out on my Instagram), my shopping sack, and my two Cath Kidston cases.

That's it!

I'm a recent convert to Cath Kidston. I'm more of a Kate Spade than a Cath Kidston but this pretty floral print is so classic and feminine but not too cloying.

I love it. In fact, I have a coffee mug in this print, too.

What's inside the pouch: Tod's keyring (the circle medal is from a Topaz Horizon reader), Ventolin inhaler, Happy Skin lipstick, Maybelline pressed powder foundation, Biogenic alcohol spray, my ballpoint pen, a flat flashlight (that's the orange square with "blessings"), and the access pass to our condominium complex. That's it!

What's inside the sunglasses case: my power bank and USB stick! I got this idea from a Buzzfeed article on travel hacks. It works fine for me!

So that's your little peek into my things! What's in yours?


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Tuesday, August 09, 2016

My boys are learning street dance moves at Elan Ballet Pilates Studio!

We had such a fun weekend!

My kids are now learning how to dance. I mean, they dance a lot. Since they were babies, they just hear music and they start contorting their bodies, twisting this way and that, and jumping and hopping, and basically loving life and music! I love it when my kids dance. So when a dance studio opened up nearby, well, we just had to check it out. And I'm so glad we did because my boys had so much fun, they asked if they can go to dance class every day!

Elan Ballet Pilates Studio is a big sunlit dance and fitness studio in the Sparta Complex along Pioneer Street in Mandaluyong. My friend, the beautiful ballerina, Philippine Ballet Theatre artistic council member, and Pilates instructor Cathee Lee Roslovstev, owns Elan, and I'm so happy that she has this place to share her love of dance and the strength and grace of the human body.
Cathee, our photos together are always pregnant and with arms full of babies!

I'm also so happy that Cathee makes sure every dance class is fun! Check out my kids at their street dance class:

Piero is still too young to take the street dance class so he was his older brothers' water boy and cuddle provider when the boys took breaks. He entertained himself with lots of running around the studio while waiting for his brothers to finish.

Here's Vito after dance class. Maybe he can do ballet, too!

Can't wait to take them back to dance class. They got so hungry and tired, they gobbled up their dinner without talking or getting up from the table and they fell asleep before 8! Mommy me and daddy Vince are sooooo happy!

Elan Ballet Pilates Studio also offers these classes: ballet for adults and kids, jazz for kids and teens, salsa, street dance for kids and teens, tap dancing, Zumba, and STOTT Pilates. I'm going to attempt Pilates, guys. Maybe that's what will finally get me off my flat ass!

Special announcements!

Moms of kids aged 2 to 4 years old! There's a free trial class for our kids on Sunday, August 14. Through music, movement and dance, kids can learn rhythm, develop motor skills, and enjoy play time with mommy! Click here for more details on the FREE Kinderdance class this Sunday.

Meanwhile, if you're a babywearing mama, there's a dance especially made for you this August 14, too. Bring your baby wrapped around you and have fun dancing. Your baby will love the rocking movements and your closeness while you get a workout. Click here for more details on the FREE Babywearing dance class this Sunday.

For the class schedules, fees, and more info on Elan Ballet Pilates Studio, check out their website or follow them on Facebook. See you at Elan!


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Sunday, August 07, 2016

My skin condition just before I turn 40

Today, August 7, is exactly three months before my 40th birthday. Okay, just hold on to that thought while I jump to another.

I've been editing the posts on this 10-year-old blog and I found a draft I wrote when I was 31 called, "My beauty plan so I will look fantabulous at 40." I never got to finish that post so I never published it and now I'm almost 40. Reading that plan and realizing that life happened so differently from what I planned my past 10 years to be, well, that just made me marvel at the folly of planning an entire decade!

I wrote: "I'm going to sleep at least 8 hours every day. I'm going to follow a 10-step skincare regimen like the Japanese and Koreans! I will cleanse twice, I will tone, apply anti-aging serum,  eye cream, moisturizer, sunscreen and every beauty marvel. I will exfoliate my face and entire body twice a week then massage a deeply nourishing lotion on every part of me. I will apply a hair mask every weekend. I will drink 8 glasses of water and vitamins and beauty vitamins daily. I will do a beauty marathon once a day every month—visit Louis Phillip Kee's salon and spend the entire day getting a trim, a hair treatment, a color touchup, hand and foot spa, mani-pedi. With this plan, I'll be proud to turn 40 knowing I look nothing like 40!"

Hahahaha.

I didn't think I'd have kids and you all know what kids do to carefully laid out plans! I haven't slept well in 7 years. Average night's sleep is about 4 hours. I'm so consumed by childcare and home care and then my work that many days, I fall into bed too exhausted to wash my face, much less apply eye cream, anti-aging serum and moisturizer! My time in the bathroom—so sacred to me—is rushed. It's enough that I get clean. Get beautiful is out of the question!

This neglect has resulted to bad skin. My regular readers know I just came out of a horrible year suffering from really bad acne. I'm so thankful I went to Flawless Skin & Body Clinic, which really took care of my skin with twice-a-month anti-acne facials. I also stuck to a simpler skin regimen of non-foaming cleanser and just moisturizer (thanks so much, Physiogel Calming Face Relief*!), which really calmed down my skin. Still, my pimples are popping back every so often. Not so badly anymore because I've been managing my skin well. But I do long for the day that I need not see a pimple ever again!

I can now go out with just BB Cream on! But... (next photo)

My gynecologist said that as soon as I stop breastfeeding, she'll prescribe a contraceptive pill that will also address my pimple concerns. Till then, because my 2-year-old boy has no plans on weaning, I guess I'll continue to suffer this adult acne.

But today is three months before my 40th birthday! And maybe, because I'm not planning a beauty plan spanning a decade, maybe it's safe to plan for better skin! And the reason why I'm blogging about it is so that you know what my plans are and that you will hold me accountable. Like maybe you can tell me, "Hey, Frances, are you still applying eye cream? Are you getting enough sleep?"

... I still got a long way to go!

This is my makeup-free face now. The terrible acne is gone but the dark spots and ice-pick scars they left are there. Dark and puffy circles under my red eyes. Uneven skin tone. Still a big improvement from last year's horrible pimple-ridden, red and sensitive skin but nowhere near perfect. I've been on this good earth for almost 40 years. I really truly need to care for my skin!

Here's my simple plan to look good (not fantabulous haha) by my 40th birthday:

1. Sleep as much as possible. As a mom of young kids, this can be impossible. But I have to get as much rest as I can not only for my skin's sake but for my mental health and emotional well-being. All these years of inadequate sleep have made me  irritable, easily upset and weepy. I not only look bad, I also feel bad. And worst of all, the lack of sleep makes me a bad mommy because I'm so cranky all the time! So if I can't sleep the full 8 hours, I'll take naps whenever I can.

 2. Wash face every night! Some nights, I really just fall asleep when I lie down beside the baby to breastfeed him. I get so sleepy and then I don't have the energy to get up and wash my face anymore. This is not good especially for my oily, acne-prone skin!

 3. Eye cream, moisturizer and sunscreen—that's enough! I just got a new eye cream called Helix-D that promises amazing things so I'm looking forward to brighter looking eyes in a month or two! Will do a review in October. I also started using Marula Oil in the morning. Marula is said to be better than Argan Oil and can be used as a sunscreen. But I still like applying sunscreens from Bioderma Lancôme anyway, just to be sure. At night, I've added Philosophy Help Me retinol cream to my regimen. I apply Help Me before Physiogel. I'll do reviews on those in October, too, since two months is a good time to check if a topical product works.

 4. Drink water! No more other drinks! No more juice, cola, milkshakes! Just water. And coffee hehe. I like my Kopiko coffee too much. Omigosh, this water thing has been my resolution every single year for the last 20 years! Will I ever be able to do this???

 5. Take vitamins and beautymins so that my body and skin will be nourished even when I forget to do all of the above because mommy life is so unpredictable! I dunno what beautymins actually to take since I'm still breastfeeding and I don't know what's safe. I also want to take probiotic supplements. What's a good one? Either that or I'll eat kimchi every day!

6. Exercise. Yep. No need to explain this extremely hard to do part!

That's it! Oh, and be more joyful and peaceful, too. That means meditate on God's Word and pray! After all, what's inside of us really comes out on our faces, and if we're angry, bitter, hateful, anxious and sad, no matter what skin regimen we do, the ugliness inside will ravage our looks outside! I really believe this.

Well, with my beautiful family making me so happy this past decade, I've been absolutely wonderful inside. Too bad I still suffer from acne. Not so much anymore because I started taking care of my skin last November but I really hope that by the time I'm 40, I'll be perfect. Naks! Perfect talaga ang peg! Good luck, me! So I really hope this new skin plan will work. Will keep you updated, my dear Loyal Readers, and if you have any tips, do share in the comments below!


*Here are my affiliate links to the Physiogel Calming Relief products:

Physiogel Hypoallergenic Calming Relief A.I. Cream 

Physiogel Calming Relief AI Restoring Lipid Balm

Physiogel Hypoallergenic Calming Relief A.I. Body Lotion

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Thursday, August 04, 2016

Review: LashEM lash and brow serum, mascara and liquid eyeliner

I posted a photo on my Instagram and Facebook in June about this product I've been using for my lashes and brows. That photo got a lot of comments asking for a review on my blog so here we go!

Sorry it took me more than a month to do this review post!

Today I'll be doing a review of Lashem products. I was given three products to try:

This is the Lashem All Eyes on You Eyelash and Brow Enhancing Serum, P3,599.75.

This is the Lashem Double Trouble Mascara (Lengthening and Volumizing), P1,029.75.

And this is the Lashem Colour Strokes Liquid Eyeliner, P1,029.75.

Let's review the brow and lash serum first.
It's the wonder product of Lashem and all you need to do is apply it on lashes and brows twice a day for 28 days. Made of amino acids that will lengthen, thicken and encourage hair growth, Lashem stands by their promise that there will be a "measurable difference." Well, I believe them because here's the proof!
Before
After

Before I started applying the product last April, I took the before photo. And I took the after photo today. As you can see, there is a visible difference between my brows before and my brows now.

There's also an improvement with my lashes. Slight! I don't know if you'll notice but in the after photo, my lashes curl up on my upper eyelid. My lashes are so short, they never get long enough to be curled like that. So they did grow long! I was hoping that they would thicken and that new ones will grow, too, just like how my brows grew. But for my lashes, they only lengthened. Well, at least it worked!

Next: the Double Trouble mascara!
It also has the lash and brow serum! So if you use this, you kinda used the serum. But I highly recommend you still buy the serum instead of buying this because it's cheaper, okay?

Anyway, one end lengthens, the other thickens. I like the thickening end—I feel like it really made my lashes pop. The lengthening one parang okay lang. So what I just do is use the thickening one first then apply the lengthening after for lashes that spell double trouble!

My one con for this product is that it smears on my skin. It's my skin. I'm really oily. Like, oil spill. So I only use this mascara if I know I'll be in a mega airconditioned room.

And last: the liquid liner.
I love that's it's a felt tip, not a brush. Makes it easier to apply that tricky line. And this one also has the serum so your lashes are getting the treatment while you're sporting a cat's eye! I love that the liner has staying power, too!

So there's my quick review! Lashem works, ladies! There are 7 products in the Lashem line so check them out at SM Beauty!
Lakas ng loob! No makeup!!! Yes, I forgot to take a photo of me with the eyeliner and the mascara on! Anyway, my skin is better na finally (thanks, Physiogel, philosophy, and Marula!). I'm also trying a beauty supplement na that's anti-acne. Just started last weekend. You want me to do a review? Just tell me!

Lashem is available at SM Beauty Store, SM Makati.

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Saturday, July 30, 2016

10 more ways to use rubbing alcohol

This post is brought to you by Biogenic Alcohol.

As a Biogenic Ambassador, I use lots of alcohol. Use, not drink hehe. Never drink rubbing alcohol!

Yes, we're talking about rubbing alcohol today! And I'm really happy to share with you these 10 ways I use Biogenic in my home. I'm sure you also have lots of other reasons for buying a big bottle of alcohol for your house, right? It's not just for the first aid kit, right?

Oh no! What to do? Don't worry—Biogenic to the rescue!

I already wrote about keeping my home and my kids healthy and safe (10 Ways I Keep My Home Healthy and 5 Simple Ways to Keep Our Kids Safe from Germs at School), so today I'll tell you all about the other ways I use Biogenic.

1. Hairspray fallout remover
Because I have such flat, thin, limp hair, I employ hairspray to keep whatever body I forced into my hair (via mousse and blowdrying) with some generous blasts of hairspray. Hehe, matrona helmet! The problem is hairspray coats everything around me—sink, mirror, doorknob, my makeup containers, everything!—in a fine sticky mist. So a quick wipe on these surfaces with tissue moistened with Biogenic instantly removes the sticky spray fallout.

 2. Faucet cleaner
This is connected to the tip above but I gave it special mention because alcohol makes chrome fixtures extra shiny. I don't actually know why. Try it!

 3. Deodorant alternative
Hehe sorry TMI. But we're all girls here, right? I don't use deodorant. I don't have body odor. Promise! I just quickly wipe my underarms with a cotton ball wet with Biogenic. What causes body odor is bacteria, so if your armpits are germ-free, there won't be odor!

 4. Phone and keyboard sanitizer
Because fingers and faces are oily, this oiliness transfers to things you touch. Like your computer keyboard and your phone. My face is extra oily, like you can't imagine, so I hate using my phone for calls because it sticks to my cheek and then it's an oil spill. So gross. My instant solution to removing slime and grime? Biogenic.

Oh, and let me take this opportunity to show you my Biogenic ad out now in the August issue of Good Housekeeping!

 5. Stove de-greaser
Because of the above find (that alcohol can fight oil), I spray the stove and surrounding walls with Biogenic after I cook. It lessens the grease considerably. We still do a big cleanup after dinner using a cleanser but at least there's no huge oily mess anymore. Plus, my stove ends up extra shiny!

6. Sticky stuff remover
Ever peeled off a sticker from stuff you bought like books, pens, plastic anything, and the sticker residue stubbornly refuses to un-adhere from the product? Use Biogenic to wipe that stickiness away!

7. Ink stain remover
This works. I proved this when my toddler Piero took my ballpoint pen and wrote on our dining chair. Not a line, not a few scribbles. He did a whole Cy Twombly on the loveseat! I seriously thought I needed to have the whole thing reupholstered. But Biogenic and lots of scrubbing later and the pen scribbles disappeared.

 8. Marker ink dissolver
If it can remove ink, markers are even easier to tackle. I don't panic anymore when my kids go on a marker spree on the table, the dining chairs, the walls, and on themselves. I just Biogenic them all!

 9. Whiteboard cleaner
Again, because of my reason found in #8. But I just wanted to reiterate that alcohol can really dissolve whiteboard marker ink, even if you haven't cleaned that whiteboard in years. The ink will just disappear!

10. Bug bite first aid
Whenever my kids get bug bites, I spray Biogenic on the bite before I smear booboo balm. The alcohol sanitizes the area so that when my kids scratch it, at least I know the affected area is free from germs, in case they break the skin from scratching. The cool sensation of alcohol also relieves the itchiness. Try it!

Do you use alcohol in these ways, too? Do you have more tips and secrets? Please share in the comments!

There are also more tips on the Instagram account and Facebook page of Biogenic alcohol. Like and follow the hashtags #BiogenicAlcohol #MyBiogenicWorld and #BiogenicxHome.

Also just wanted to invite you all this weekend (yes, it starts today!) to the My Biogenic World: Playtime Discoveries event at Market! Market! Activity Area.


There will be FREE seminars you and your husband can enjoy. For example, I'll be giving a talk on how to take care of your marriage even with kids. Yes, I heard it can be done so let's talk about it later!

There will also be celebrity moms like Rica Peralejo-Bonifacio and Danica Sotto-Pingris at the event. They are two of the nicest and truly real women I've ever met. I totally recommend you meeting them, too!


Bring the kids! There are soooo many fun activities for them! There will be an area for Build & Play and Water & Sand games. There'll be creative play at Kids at Art. And your kids will definitely enjoy the Inflatable Castle and the Biogenic Train!

All aboard then! See you later at the My Biogenic World: Playtime Discoveries!

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Thursday, July 28, 2016

Planning a trip to the UK with the kids and here’s where you should go!

My 10th wedding anniversary is next year and I’ve been bugging my husband about going to the UK to celebrate it. Our honeymoon was in London and it was amazing!





That’s why I want to go back. My plan is for just the two of us to go, you know, a second honeymoon! But Vince can’t imagine going anywhere without the kids. So, since he’s hellbent on bringing the kids, I’ve been doing some research, and I’ve come to the happy conclusion that the UK can make a fantastic holiday destination especially for families with young children, like my own.

When it comes to picking a travel destination within the UK, London, the capital, is the obvious choice. Packed full of sights, attractions, and hotels of all shapes and sizes, London is known for being family-friendly. 


However, it is also very expensive and with five of us now instead of just two in 2008, I've been thinking of maybe exploring other parts of the British Isles. From beach breaks to camping trips, I found that the UK has so many vacation options that are ideal for families. In case you’re thinking of going there, I thought that I would share a few ideas and suggestions of ideal locations, as well as things to do in the area.

Take a seaside break in Blackpool


I know, I know. Why would any Filipino who lives in paradise want to go to another beach? Well, try Blackpool anyway! Situated on the Irish Sea coast of England, Blackpool is home to a bustling seaside town, beautiful beach, and an amusement park. Dating back to the 1890s, the park offers lots of rides—vintage rides as well as more modern ones, with rides and activities for visitors of all ages. For the daredevils, there are plenty of thrill rides, like Avalanche and The Big One roller coasters. While for younger visitors, there’s Nickelodeon Land and lots of little rides and activities for them to get stuck into. 

The town itself is home to various hotels and guesthouses, meaning that you’ll have plenty of choice of accommodation. There’s also lots of restaurants and bars, a theater, and lots of shops to explore. So if you're looking for a big beach with a carnival, Blackpool could be the perfect place!

Opt for a city break in Bristol



I'm a city girl through and through. If you're like me, London is the dream destination. But like I said, it's just too expensive there so how about planning a trip to Bristol instead? Bristol, the largest city in the South of the UK, is a fantastic place to visit. It’s packed full of shops, sights and attractions, and so, has plenty to keep visitors of all ages entertained. There’s museums, art galleries, a zoo, and tons of other things to keep your family busy. 

Getting around shouldn’t be a problem as there are plenty of trains, buses, and taxis. If you want to get your kids walking, sign up for a Bristol walking tour. This will take you all around the city’s most famous sights and attractions, such as Clifton Suspension Bridge and Queen Square. For a city break that’s not as hectic as London but still as enjoyable and child-friendly, Bristol is the ideal location.

Visit the sunny South Hams



Nestled in the heart of South Devon is the South Hams, an area made up of beautiful countryside, nature reserves, and rugged coastline. If what you want is a less commercialized and more authentic experience, then a trip to the South Hams is perfect for your family.

Here you’ll find miles and miles of untouched countryside and beaches. As well as lots of seaside towns and villages to explore. The best places to consider staying are Salcombe or Dartmouth. This is because both of these locations have beaches, shops, restaurants, and lots to keep the kids occupied. There’s also one of the UK’s best zoos nearby (Paignton Zoo), as well as a fantastic open air water park (Splashdown at Quaywest). A short drive away, there’s Dartmoor National Park, a fantastic location for exploring with the little ones. There are theme parks like Crealy and Woodlands to keep the thrill seekers occupied. Although a smaller and less commercialized location, the South Hams has a lot to offer families. There are plenty of accommodation options to choose from, too. From five-star hotels to self-catered holiday cottages, there’s sure to be something that’s perfect for your family whatever your budget!

Explore Truro



I want to see Cornwall because this is the duchy of Prince Charles. I believe this is what makes him a very wealthy prince. Anyway! Cornwall’s only city, Truro, is a bustling hub of activity. Its beautiful cobbled streets are lined with shops, art galleries, museums, and restaurants. It’s also home to a beautiful cathedral that dates back to the late 1880’s. While Truro itself is a city packed full of plenty to see and do, some of Cornwall’s best beaches are nearby. One of which is Perranporth beach. This beach and seaside town are incredibly popular with surfers and families due to its golden sands and calm, clear waters. Just under an hour’s drive away is the Eden Project, a tropical garden paradise located inside two biodomes. There are also lots of cute, quirky towns, like Tintagel and Padstow, just a short drive away. All of which are ideal for exploring with your little ones.

Head to the Lake District


A national park located in North England, the Lake District is the ideal location for a family break. Especially if you and your little ones love the great outdoors. And I may be a city girl but just look at that view. It's like straight out of a fairy tale! Known for its stunning lakes and vast areas of countryside, the Lake District is a favorite with camping enthusiasts. There’s not just exploring and bird spotting to keep your little ones entertained. Oh no, there are also plenty of sights and attractions like The World of Beatrix Potter to the Bowness on Windermere Treasure Trail. Hmm, my kids do love Peter Rabbit so maybe this is worth checking out. I just need to buy binoculars for kids first and we're all set to explore that amazing terrain! Whether you love to camp or prefer to stay in a hotel, there’s plenty of accommodation options to choose from, too.

So did you like my little travel advice? If you’re considering a break in the UK (it's summer there now!), the not-London, not-typical tourist ideas I suggested above are my top picks. Whether you prefer to explore the city or camp in the wilderness, the UK has plenty to offer. I hope we really can go to the UK next year for our anniversary! Wish us luck!

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Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Ask Frances: After caring for the kids all day, how is sex with my husband even possible?

This post is brought to you by Biogenic Alcohol.


Well, yes, I haven't forgotten about this super popular series! So if you're wondering about my Ask Frances series, well, I didn't do posts for May and June. I've been getting really heavy and serious questions. I'm kinda scared to answer them because marriages are on the balance. Nakakatakot sagutin, diba? But I said I'd do this series and so let's do this!

"Ask Frances" is a monthly (well, that was the plan!) blog series where I will answer questions from my readers. The chosen question will receive a prize. This month's prize is from my blog partner, Biogenic Alcohol. I really chose this question because it's perfect for announcing something I'm doing for a big event of Biogenic this weekend.

Today's prize is all these bottles of Biogenic. I'm especially happy with the big spray bottles.

I think Ethyl alcohol is safer to use around kids. It's an ingredient in making alcoholic beverages, after all, which mean it's ingestible. But that doesn't mean you should drink it! Ethyl alcohol is what I use whenever my kids are involved—their grooming kits, our first aid kit.

Isopropyl alcohol is volatile and highly combustible. This ingredient is found in sanitizing solutions like hand gels and heavy-duty cleaners. Obviously, dangerous to ingest! I use this for cleaning the house.

Our question this month:

 I started reading your blog since you were pregnant with Iñigo. I found your blog because I was also pregnant in 2012 with my first child. Now I have two kids. A boy and a baby girl. My life is so full and happy, like yours. Frances, I can tell from the few posts that you write about your marriage that your marriage changed after the kids came. Mine did also. 

 My husband says he misses me. He wants me to stay awake so I can spend time with him after the kids go to sleep. Most of the time, he also wants to make love. We're married. He's a man. Of course he wants sex. I understand. But I want him to understand I'm so tired from taking care of the kids all day. I get up at 5 and I am on my feet until the kids bedtime at 8. I just really want to sleep. I am still attracted to my husband but I'm so tired. My husband doesn't force me at all. So I am thankful. But I am guilty. I'm too tired! I am also resentful. But I don't want him to become celibate for ever. I don't want him to look for a querida also. 

 Sorry for the personal question. How do you still have a marriage after kids? I follow you on IG and you still look so happy together with Vince. Are you still having sex? If yes, how do you do it? I don't want my marriage to end. Thank you!

 M.N.

Dear M.N., what questions you ask! I seriously don't know how to answer because I'm going through the same questions myself! But let me try anyway. Let's pretend it's just you and me talking, two wives who love their husbands so very much, two mothers too exhausted to show their husbands that love.

Let me answer the questions as bluntly as you asked them. "Are you still having sex?" Yes, we are still having sex. Sadly, the frequency has lessened to the point that sometimes Vince calls me his roommate. Haha.

I think it's important to remember that our husbands are not the villains here. He doesn't ask for sex because he's selfish. He wants sex because it's a display of love and affection for him to you and from you to him. I dunno why men can't display such affection in ways such as doing all the chores, or letting us sleep, or taking care of the kids all day long haha. For example, if I had a nap that day, I'm in a better mood for sex later at night. The longer my nap, the more game I am for making out! If I had time to shower, too! Honestly, sometimes a whole day can pass and I hadn't had time to wash my face or brush my teeth, then here comes my husband asking for loving. When I'm stinky, sticky and yucky, I'm not in the mood at all. Vince says he doesn't mind, but sex starts in the mind and if my mind says I'm yucky, I won't feel sexy. So let me nap, let me shower, and I can have sexy time!

So I guess that answers your question, "If yes, how do you do it?" He tries to make sure I get rest—even for just a little while—so I can have energy to take him on later. Talk to your husband about how tired you are and ask for his help. If he's at work all day, ask budget for household help. A life coach I know told me that mothers shouldn't feel guilty to hire yayas for their kids. Yayas help the mom in that she can rest and spend time with her husband. Someone needs to take care of our husbands, and if it won't be us, who's going to do it?

What helped me was remembering that I'm the only one in the world who can legally provide sex to my husband. So I do have a duty! I don't view it as an obligation, however, because that will make me resentful and that will make my husband a chore. I mean, I wouldn't want him to view me that way either. I want him to love the fact that he's the only one for me—for better or worse! So we have to make love to each other because we're the only ones who are supposed to and who are legally allowed to! So it's a joyful duty. Having an attitude of joy helps. I confess I'm not joyful about it every day because the exhaustion really drowns whatever joy or desire I have (and yes, I am still very much attracted to my husband!). So the solution—for us tired moms, at least—is to address our exhaustion. If husband and wife work together in making mom life less tiring (haha), then wife life will happen!!!

That said, don't conclude that just because you're not having sex, your marriage will end. Yes, sex is a very important part of marriage, but it's not the be-all and end-all of your relationship. It's commitment. Till death do you part, whether or not you're having sex.

Work with your husband about this. Tell him you still want him. Sometimes, that's all they need actually—your confirmation that he's still hot stuff. Commit to spending time together—whether going out on a date, or talking for an hour after the kids are asleep. Yes, just talking. It's hard for us wives to be intimate with someone we don't talk to. So I chat with Vince first before we do it. He gets impatient sometimes haha but it's really hard for me to get in the mood if I don't know how he is or I haven't told him about my day!

M.N., I've been assured (and warned in a way) that this mom-of-young-kids stage won't last forever. The babies will suddenly grow up and then we won't be so tired anymore. We'll have more time again. Just make sure you nurture your marriage while we wait for that time. Nurturing doesn't mean sex all day (who has the time???). Just be there for each other, talk to each other, affirm each other, laugh together, love each other, and make love when you can. That's what we're doing. Hopefully, it's enough to tide us over for when all the kids in school and we finally find ourselves alone!

Now, send me an email so I can send your Biogenic gift pack! You can also attend my talk on July 30, Saturday, at Market! Market! for the "My Biogenic World: Playtime Discoveries" event of Biogenic Alcohol. My topic will be "How to Take Care of Your Marriage After Kids." I'll have more tips to share there.



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