Sunday, March 05, 2023

Job hunting tips for moms going back to the workforce

A stay-at-home mom DM'd me asking how it was looking for a job after 10 years as a work-from-home mom, and I was honest. I said it was disheartening.

There was one HR person who kept asking me what my college course was and how it was relevant to the editing job they advertised. And I said, "Look, I'm 46 years old. College was a lifetime ago. In college, I wrote erotica. That's sex stories. I wasted my time and my mother's money. But I have more than 20 years' experience as a writer and editor, even when I was - as you like to bring up - unemployed. That wealth of experience is what you should be asking me about."

Don't let HR discourage you. They ask from a list of questions. That list also told me they didn't even read the CV and sample work I sent. So just keep emphasizing your skills and experience. Downplay whatever flaw they find (in my case, being a devoted mommy was my flaw). 


And don't be desperate, I guess. It's hard not to feel desperate and discouraged but it makes you panic and not think. I was getting really sad! Then I remembered my self-worth is not tied to any job. So I just opened myself up to anything! And now I have a job in an industry I'd never been in! 

Oh, that job earlier? I got the job. But I turned them down because of the low offer. Because I was "unemployed" for 10 years, even as I insisted I earned more money as a freelancer than any job ever (including my current one) 🙄

So, yeah, job hunting sucked but I'm happy with the job I did get. So if you're looking for a job, just don't quit. Tell people you're looking. Don't be shy. People will help but they need to know you need help.

And, yep, I'm still working as a freelancer and blogger. Still getting offers to write and edit. And do other things I've never done before! And I'm in the middle of 2 books, too. Exciting!

So getting past HR can be tough (I really wish they come in AFTER the department manager shortlists you), but don't be discouraged.

Tell everyone you know you need a job. Don't be ashamed to say it. I was, for 3 months, and so I bounced around unhappily. The minute I posted on Facebook that I needed a job, my inbox was flooded with offers to help. People want to help. Just ask for it 😊

Good luck!!!

"You have not because you ask not." James 4:2

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Wednesday, February 22, 2023

Tuition fees are going up. Good luck to our budget!

I went back to the corporate world this year after 10 years as a freelancer/business owner and I got asked a couple of times if I got tired of the hustle culture. Partly yes, but mostly because I have 3 kids to educate and tuition is crazy expensive and needs to be paid quarterly. Unfortunately, when you’re a freelancer, the income is erratic. Sometimes, it pours when it rains. Most of the time, it’s dry season. And that's the real reason I got a regular job with a regular income. It allows me to create a budget for their education. 

I wrote an article for Wyeth ParenTeam, 5 Steps to Save for Your Child's College Tuition. It has an equation there that predicts tuition years and years from now. It’s all estimates but you get a good idea of how much you’re going to suffer and for how long hahahaaa huhuhu.

The equation goes: Current tuition multiplied by 1 plus Interest [P x (1+I)] raised to number of years (N).

In my article, the financial expert I interviewed said, “On your phone, just type 300,000 x 1.10 then press the equal sign 8 times. We have just projected that if tuition fees increase by 10% a year for 8 years, then Php 300,000 today will be around Php 644,000 in 8 years, or around Php 778,000 in 10 years.”

That's where I spent 4.5 years of my life, the College of Arts & Letters

Boy. Almost a million pesos for one year in college. A short-term financial solution is to get a loan. My mother got tuition loans from her job all the time so she could send our eldest brother to school. My and my younger brother’s education was free (thank you, Philippine taxpayers!) while my younger sister’s education wasn’t that expensive either. All our college was subsidized because we went to that state university in Diliman (thank you again, Philippine taxpayers!) so Mama didn’t have to borrow so much anymore.

Some schools accept credit card payments but that’s something I want to stay away from because I was a credit card-aholic (but my marriage saved me). Plus, credit card interest rates are jumping this March! College tuition is just too big an amount to put on a card.

I’m not going to think of college because we already have a college fund for them (that’s another solution: invest in a mutual fund or an insurance policy with regular endowment payouts!). Also, I’m hoping my boys go to my alma mater and be a scholar like me.

So let’s just compute for high school since my kids are 12, 10, and 8. Let’s do my eldest son’s tuition. So his Grade 6 tuition now is Php 150,000. So if tuition increases by 10%, I’ll need to pay Php 165,000 for 7th grade. That means my tuition budget is Php 13,750 a month for a year. Doable!

But then I have 2 more kids. That means Php 495,000 a year. That’s okay. I just need to set aside Php 41,250 every month. Thanks to my new job, this is still doable.

Now my kids go to a school near our place so we don’t spend a lot of money on the school run. Not a lot of time on the road either. It’s a big deal because they used to go to another school just 5 kms away and the school bus service cost me an additional Php 9,000 a month (or Php 90,000 a school year). Plus an hour and 2 hours in traffic, morning and afternoon respectively. Transferring to a nearer school made such a huge difference in time and money saved!

But then here comes the crazy part: We’re thinking of sending our boys to that boys’ school in Katipunan. We have our reasons although they pale after I tell you this: That school is almost 12 kilometers away from our home and difficult to get to because traffic to and fro is hellish. Since my husband also has a full-time job, he won’t be able to do the school run (he can do this now because our current school is very near).

So if the boys go to that boys’ school, we’ll have to get them a bus service. I asked my friend who lives near me how much she pays for her son’s bus service from our city to that school. A whopping Php 10,000 a month! That’s Php 100,000 x 3 = Php 300,000 a year just on the school service!

I don’t think I can afford Php 495,000 tuition + books + uniforms + baon + Php 300,000 bus service, mommies. It's just illogical. 

So we were prepared enough to save for college but I don’t know if we can even get them there because grade school and high school are so damn pricey! 

Lots of thinking to do.

*Photo by Kat Fernandez on Unsplash
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Saturday, February 18, 2023

7 reasons he’s pulling away just when things are getting serious

You’re thrilled at how things are going great with the guy you’re dating. He’s funny, thoughtful, and cute. Best of all, he seems really into you! But just when you think he might be “the one,” he becomes distant. Now you’re thinking if the reasons why he’s pulling away are your fault. (Note: Don't you ever blame yourself for his problems!)

Photo by Zhu Liang on Unsplash

Before you get worried about these reasons, take a deep breath. Maybe he’s just busy at work, tired from a trip, or spending time with family and friends. After all, he has a life, too. Remind yourself from this day and forever that people - family, friends, significant others - are allowed to have a life separate from your relationship. This is a good time for you to focus on your friends and interests. If it’s only been a few days of him acting distracted, then it’s probably nothing to worry about.

However, if he’s acting withdrawn for a week or so and he’s not telling you why or reassuring you, then you may be onto something. Here are 7 possible reasons why he’s pulling away:

1. He’s feeling rushed.

The good news is he’s realized he’s falling in love and he’s reeling from the intensity of his emotions for you. It’s all new and scary for him and he needs to slow down and take it all in. Be patient.

2. He’s scared of getting hurt.

Maybe he’s putting the brakes on because his heart’s been broken before. Be gentle and show him he can trust you.

3. He feels he doesn’t deserve you.

You’re everything he’s ever dreamed of… and he thinks someone as amazing as you might be better off with someone better than him. Okay, insecurity is a possible red flag, so reassure him of your admiration but watch out for constant low self-esteem. Believe me, you don't want to be with someone with low self-esteem.

4. He’s afraid of losing himself.

He could be wondering if he’s still the same person if he’s only doing things you like, wearing outfits you picked out, eating your favorite food, watching your favorite Koreanovela when he hates those shows, and so on. If you’re controlling everything you do together, give him space to be himself.

5. He needs a break.
 
You’re simply spending too much time together. His friends want to hang out with him, his family misses him, or he wants to play the videogame he bought months ago. Let him have fun without you!

6. He’s wary of commitment.

Your relationship started as just fun for him but now he’s thinking if this is serious enough to lead to marriage and kids. Maybe he’s not ready for that yet. If you’re willing to wait, assure him you’d like to take your time, too.

7. He’s losing interest.

Ouch! Don't waste your time. Just move on.

Everyone reaches a point where they take stock of their relationship. If he seems distant, don’t worry about it too much since all he needs is time to process how he feels for you. He needs to do this on his own so give him space.

Let him work through the reasons why he’s pulling away. If he breaks up with you, then it’s not meant to be. But if he comes back, then you know he’s serious about you. Now it's up to you to decide if he was worth the wait. 

* * * * * * *
P.S. I wrote this as a test article for a job I applied for last year (it didn't work out because stuff were piling up in my life). It's such a waste to not use it so I published it here but edited it so it sounds more like me and not like the website I wrote it for (they didn't publish it and I retain all rights to this article). Gosh. All the test articles I've written over the years! All the job search stories! Maybe I'll do a story on my job search. Let me know if you'd like that!
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