TOPAZ HORIZON

In my job, I always come across glamorous stars who say that they're really boring in real life. Style icon Victoria Beckham says she's happiest when she's home with her boys or watching DVDs with hunky hubby David in bed. Then you have stars like Tiger Woods who have an impeccable reputation but an unbelievable secret life!

So let's talk about reputations and what's really the truth. Now that I'm going to have a kid, my fear is—irrational though it may be—my fear is that when my kid accuses me one day of being the most boring person on earth, I'm afraid that will be the honest truth. I am boring. I don't have a secret sordid past. I don't have any exciting adventures.
Now, when it comes to Vince, that's a different story. Here he is at our joint bridal shower/stag party with hot Brazilian models. Though my husband is now very well behaved, he has mighty impressive tales of debauchery and seduction, of wild nights and days of drunken stupor, of exciting travels to exotic places... whereas I don't. My husband is the craziest, funniest, most exciting, most fascinating person I know even though he looks like a saint. Me, I'm a saint. Well, depends on who you ask, I guess, but more on that later.

Soon after Vince and I started dating, he asked me what kind of girl I was in college: what orgs was I a member of, which bars did I hang out in, how many guys have I slept with, and all that shit. I very proudly told him how saintly I was. He kinda guffawed in disbelief. So I asked him, "If you had met me in college, would you have asked me out?"

He laughed, "Church youth leader, curfew at 6 pm and you don't drink? No way!"

"So why are you so interested now?!"

"You're the smartest girl I've ever met. That's why I love you."

I'm the smartest girl he's ever met. Not the most beautiful, not the sexiest but the smartest. Hardly what a girl would like to hear but I'd take it.

This is me, still at the bridal shower, but see how conservative I am? I refused to have my photo taken with the boys without Vince because I was scared photos of me alone with strange men might surface on the Internet (see Exhibit A: Vince and Brazilian models) and people will gossip about me! How square is that?! 

The truth is I'm a girl who studied in a convent, then in a special science high school, then took up writing in college, then got a coveted fellowship in a national writers workshop (where I met a long-haired hungover Vince), taught preschool, wrote a senator's speeches, did PR work, then made a magazine. I fell in love with Vince at 22, married him at 30, got pregnant with his baby at 33. I'm the girl who usually made the right choice and played it safe. I've never gotten drunk, never did drugs, never slept around, never kissed a girl, never ever did anything fun! The dirtiest thing about me is my language. I try really hard not to swear (especially when I'm around my family, little kids and my Born-Again friends) but if you ever meet me and I say, "Fuck you!", that's just my way of saying hi when I'm very happy.

If you ask people from my high school, however, they'd tell you I was a slut. I have no idea how that rumor came to be. Let me remind you that I was a Bible-thumping, church-going nerd with a 6 pm curfew (okay, and a potty mouth). I remember in college, I met this old high school classmate. She was studying in UPLB and she was visiting friends in the Diliman campus, where I was. She looked at me with worry and said, "Hey, how's your kid?"

"My what?!"

"I heard you have a three-year-old daughter and you don't know who the father is."

I just stared at her. "Weren't we seatmates in sophomore year?"

"Yes."

"You saw me every single day when we were 15. Did you ever see my tummy grow?"

"Er... no."

"Did you ever see me look pregnant? Hear I gave birth? Did my flat chest ever blossom to breastfeeding proportions?"

"No."

"Then why would you believe I have a three-year-old kid, you idiot?! And it's a girl, too! And there's no father! Unbelievable! Those details! Who makes up this shit?"

So I was a good girl with a bad reputation. I always hated that. But now, with a kid growing in me, I somehow wish that I did have a few tales that would make my kid's eyes widen and that he/she would see me in a different light, that mom isn't just boring old mom but a woman of mystery and unbridled passion, a woman who took frightening risks and hid explosive secrets. Well, I'm not that woman.

My kid will just have to look at Vince and think, "At least I have a cool dad!"

CLARIFICATION:
Thanks for all the sweet comments but I think I was misunderstood, I don't mean that I wish I had done some bad things. I mean I wish I had traveled the world, written a few books, climbed a mountain, seen more things, met more people... really LIVED, like my husband. He's truly had an amazing life. Me? I've lived through books and movies but basically spent the last 30 years at home. Tragic! And lest the people who really know me start laughing their heads off, maybe I shouldn't have used the word "saint" to describe myself since I, well, I've done stuff that would make saints blush. In the words of my hubby, "You aren't bad enough, but when you're bad, you're really good."

Because sooner than we thought, we're having a little one and Vince definitely wants better pictures than this grainy one:

Well, it still took our breath away.

And with that, I'd like to say that this year may have been difficult for us all but God is faithful and good and He keeps pouring down His blessings on us all if we just open our eyes and see the wonder of His hands. Life is pretty amazing! Tomorrow is another year and, for me and Vince, we're already sure it's going to be very very different and full of endless surprises. Well, isn't each day a surprise?

One thing that continues to surprise me and make me happy is how there are so many of you reading this blog! Thank you! You've been a big part of my life, my dear Topaz Horizon readers, and now my life is about to change yet again and if you'd like to join the ride, come along, come along! And if you feel like sending my husband a spankin' brand new Olympus EP-1, why bless your heart!

Happy New Year!

My goodness! I know I haven't updated but that's because these past few days have been beyond amazing! I'll tell you more about that later on when the busyness of the season has died down.

So we had Christmas dinner with my Sales family last night. That was the best Sales Christmas dinner so far because the kids outdid themselves--from a musical performance on the marimba by darling Elizabeth and Michael Jackson dance numbers by the irrepressible Zo to a Christmas play written, directed, produced and starred in by Elizabeth, Zo, Kevin, Sean, Auntie Gigi, Mommy Lizelle, Uncle Phil, Uncle Vince and Auntie Frances (with music, effects and scenery helpfully provided by Joe, Uncle Lit and Lola Di!)!!!

Then today was spent with my Amper family. We basically spent all afternoon outdoing ourselves on the Playstation's Rock Band. What incredible fun! I mean, we're such a musical family so Rock Band should be a cinch but oh no, we were so bad!!! But that wasn't what mattered--it was being together again and having a jolly good time.

Ack, no pictures yet. Too sleepy now. Will update as soon as I can. In the meantime, I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and I wish you and your family a Happy (and more prosperous!) New Year!

I think I'm finally out of a depression. Regular readers, you know I haven't had a good November. Now, I think I can finally explain what happened. A huge opportunity was offered to me the day before my birthday. It's so huge--in terms of prestige and money--that I was, and still am, reeling from it, so dazzled and flattered was I.

This is a good thing, right? Well, it is. But even as I thought about and then finally accepted the new opportunity, I began wondering if I made the right decision. It wasn't actually a done deal yet--I still had to go through some processes--but as I went through each step, I began to get restless. The littlest things upset me. I had a hard time sleeping. I would often find myself sighing and crying quietly but regularly like the maddening dripping from broken kitchen faucets.

I went on shopping sprees (will blog about my new vintage finds soon!). I became more tired than usual. I stopped doing my chores. My clothes and papers started piling up, my mess started creeping from my desk and my side of our bed to the living and dining areas. Vince, very neat and organized Vince, kept quiet but offered gently to help clean up, and I'd say, "No, no, I'll do that myself." But I won't. At work, I projected my happy self. But inside I was feeling unsure and stressed, and couldn't find pleasure in the job I love.

The few who knew about the offer (except OK!'s managing editor Lana and our ninong sa kasal who thought the brand was a dinosaur) was just as dazzled. They said, "Take it! Take it!" And I did! I felt like I grew shinier in their eyes. But as the final interview ended and the Americans said they were "very impressed," I ended that overseas call with a heavy heart, wiped my tears away and looked through OK! magazine and realized I just can't leave it. Not yet. I also wasn't ready to spend 24/7 doing something new--I'm like that: When I'm involved in a new project, I forsake everything else. When my mother died, I haven't seen her in almost 2 months, because I was that busy. I don't want to be that busy again.

So yesterday, after exactly 5 weeks of incredible highs and crushing lows, I turned down the offer. The night before, I alarmed Vince by sobbing my explanation: "I'm happy where I am now. I want to be grateful, not greedy." I think Vince was confused--being a man, he is the conquering type and thought the offer would be a great challenge, which he knew I liked. He also liked the money. Hell, I did, too. But I've always followed my heart, and look where my heart brought me--OK! magazine, my lovely home, and most wonderful of all, my darling husband Vince. My heart told me I wasn't ready to rock this boat. In the end, Vince assured me that he supports my decision. And I know he does, although I think he got frightened by my crying!  

I know I'm crazy to refuse so don't leave comments telling me I'm stupid. I already know that. There's still that ambitious part of me that's screaming in my head in absolute fury. I know opportunities like this don't come traipsing along every day, and I'll just have to live with this decision for the rest of my life. But now that it's done, my agony is over, my insomnia is cured, my world is again at peace.

Maybe now is not the time. Maybe in the future, something just as big will present itself again. Or maybe this means my time in a glamorous job is nearing its end and I should do something else--something not glamorous at all. Whatever the future holds, I only know that what I choose will always be the one that, in the words of that timeless song, will need all the love I can give, every day of my life for as long as I live.

Of course, I'm still thinking about the money I could've gotten. But I'll just have to make more money some other way. Kindly click on my ads then and buy shoes from me!

Staff shoot post again! This shoot actually took place months ago (you can see what happened there here, here and here) since we had to take photos of Joanna while her pregnant tummy was still small. You see, we usually have our photos taken a month before the issue comes out. Since this was for the December issue, we had to have the shoot late October, but since Joanna was going to give birth in October, we knew she wouldn't be available so we just shot the Christmas shoot in July. Whew, long sentence there!

Our art director Sonny tells us where to stand and how to pose. The idea was Gossip Girl. Since I never watch that silly show, I have no idea what he's talking about. But when we look at the pics, they tell me we all nailed the GG look.

This is what came out in the magazine... with some major Photoshop editing! The wrinkles and folds of my dress around the stomach area was smoothened (the dress was a size 2 and I'm a 4. I could hardly breathe in it!), Sonny's pants were darkened from blue to black to keep with the color scheme of red, white and black. Joanna's dress came out orange so we color-corrected that and...

... well, since Joanna was hugging her tummy up there, we took her photo from down here, cut it out, pasted it back up there, and removed her baby bump. Yes, that's possible with Photoshop! Since this was coming out in the December issue--and Joanna had given birth by then--we can't have her pregnant! We also extended the mat we're all standing on. The shoes--except my nude pumps and Elaine's studded gladiators--were all borrowed so to prevent scuff marks on the sole, we had to stand on that mat. Sonny, who's not on the mat, had masking tape on the soles of his shoes (you can see the tape peeking out). We digitally removed that, too.

Nikki, OK!'s beauty columnist and our stylist for the shoot, joins us. As our photographer Ocs adjusts the light, we all rest from all the smiling and catch up. We super miss Nikki! She's getting married in a couple of months and we're all buzzing about what we'll wear to her stylish wedding. Meanwhile, doesn't Elaine look so Blair?

There are three things the OK! staff all love: Hollywood celebs, eating and laughing. Our photo shoots are always a nightmare for the photographers because we can't stop laughing. I posted the photo of us looking the least hilarious (of course, I can't let us look silly!).

And here's the entire staff with the team who made us look fantabulous! Want to see the final shot? Pick up OK!'s December issue and you may even get a chance to win the most expensive moisturizer on the planet!

XOXO,