TOPAZ HORIZON

Thank you to everyone who greeted me a happy mommy's day. That really amused me since, technically, I'm still a mom-to-be but, gee, I already am taking care of a little one in my tummy and a fat rabbit in the utility area so yup, that makes me a mom! Thanks!

Happy Mother's Day to you, too--moms of their own kids, pets, nephews and nieces--as long as you're taking care of someone, I salute you!

Anyway, I've been avoiding my darling blogging community the last few days because it was Mother's Day weekend and I just didn't want to read about how happy you are to have your moms around. Makes the emptiness in my heart just a wee bit more hollow, you know? But that didn't mean I didn't think of Mama--though I did try not to so I wouldn't be sad, but hey, maybe sadness isn't too bad. So today I finally allowed myself to wallow.

I was thinking today of this huge irony in my life: Mama had always wanted a nice house in a nice neighborhood. Our house used to be nice but decay had set in and we didn't have the money to do repairs so the house just became... well, not nice. Also, our once quiet neighborhood had become a den of thieves and peeping Toms, the kind that needed tall fences, dead bolts and driveway alarms, so Mama always talked about moving to another place.

She loved looking at the Crown Asia subdivisions in Antipolo--Maia Alta, Cottonwood--pretty little communities nestled far up in the hills. She'd say she'd buy a white car so she can visit us and she'd plant a pretty garden because Mama had an awfully green thumb and she can make dead things come to life.

So when I started working, I promised Mama I'd buy her a house in Cottonwood (it was nicer there, I thought). Vince knew this dream and agreed with me--we were going to buy Mama a house! Of course, a house and lot (and that white car) don't come cheap so I really spent the last decade just slaving away. I had a day job and then I had many other projects--PR writing here, web content there, and magazine articles, too. I seemed to be endlessly writing and never sleeping. Mama said she understood whenever I couldn't see her. I was just too damn busy, yes, but it was all for buying her that house! I hardly saw her the last few years of her life but I was getting there, getting closer to our dream.

On February 14, 2008--her 63rd birthday--I told her that with the way things are going, Vince and I would most likely buy her her own house and lot as her 65th birthday gift. She was so giddy. She died a few months later.

A few months after we buried Mama, I got a big raise. I remember looking at that piece of paper and just feeling... nothing. Just this vast emptiness that threatened to swallow me up and never spit me out. I think I went on a shopping spree for me, Vince, my sister and my nieces. I don't really remember.

Do I regret working too much when I could've spent that time with her? Sometimes I do, most times I don't. I did it for her, you see.

Sure, I may not have been able to get her her house but I was able to do this one thing for her... When I got married in 2007, and Mama walked down that aisle looking like a queen, I was so happy for her. When the wedding came out in the society pages and the people who had put her down and sneered at her all those years for being poor and unlucky began calling her up and wanted to be friends again, I was happy for her. She had a daughter who made her proud, and I was that daughter. I gave her a reason to lift her chin again. And I am never going to regret that.

Still, when Mother's Day comes rolling around, or her birthday, or mine, or the holidays, or when this whole motherhood thing crashes down on me and I get terrified at becoming a mom myself, I do wish she were still around so that I don't have to be so strong and so brave all the time. Because really, most of the time, I don't have any idea how life works and it would be so nice to have a mother around. Even for just a little while.

This is just so fabulous!!! Considering I mostly dress for comfort (except when it comes to shoes) and that I hardly ever know what's the latest on the runways, to be included in their feature is definitely most unexpected and appreciated.

Everyone else on the list is not just a celebrity, they're also such fashionistas! I'm just an ordinary girl!

Giddy, giddy me! Click on this link to read my interview and on this link to read the entire story--this I suggest most because the other women are much more stylish than I am and have more advice to offer you than I do. Yey, what a way to usher me into motherhood! Thanks, Style Bible. I think this is a fantastic first Mother's Day gift!

I was squinting at the mirror today, realizing my eyes need to be checked because my glasses are more than a year old and need changing. At the same time, I also know that pregnancy changes the shape of the eyeball so my increasingly blurry vision may just be temporary. I did think of getting cheap prescription glasses to tide me over till when I give birth in August, then I figured, what the heck, with all the changes in my body, I might as well wait out these last three months.

Three more months and then I'll be confronted with the real damage to my body. People have been warning me about stretchmarks, varicose veins, darkened skin, saggy breasts, swollen abdomen, stubborn fat... Well, I don't really mind. Really! Stretchmarks and dark skin can be bleached away, veins can be lasered off, fat can be exercised away, etc. What really has me sad is my belly button.

I'm only vain about two things--my nose and my belly button. I think that those are the only two perfect things in my entire body. Everything else (sparse lashes, myopic eyes, huge ears, big teeth, long face, thin flat hair, flat chest, bony fingers, stubby toes, flabby everywhere) is just okay. Despite enumerating all that, don't worry--I have pretty good self-esteem because I have friends and family who love me absolutely!

So anyway, everyone warned that pregnancy will wreak havoc on the body. So far, so good. I do feel insecure sometimes when I look in the mirror and see a different body. I check for changes--and there are many already--but the ones I'm most concerned about are the enlarged nose and the protruding navel. My nose is still the same, thank the heavens, but my belly button? Well, today, it is officially the same level as my tummy. Yes, it is no longer in its perfect deeply sunken, perfectly round state. And that means in a few weeks, I'll have a nipple in the middle of my belly.

I know it's so shallow but I feel a little grief over the belly button. Mommies tell me that the belly button will recede into the tummy again when the baby's out but that it will look stretched and tired. One said, "You'll just have to work extra hard to have a flat belly so that your navel may look ugly but because your tummy's perfect, it won't look so bad." Great, that's a big comfort to me! 


My husband already misses my belly button and it's upsetting me. In many ways, my belly button is a metaphor of my body-before-baby and I worry not really about what I'll look like after the baby but how my husband will react to the after-baby body. I know he'll still love me and want me but he misses the belly button already and I worry that he'll miss the pre-pregnant body, too.

I recently won my first contest while pregnant! That deserves to be mentioned because there's this belief that pregnant women are lucky, so since getting preggers I've been joining contests and raffles left and right, whether for an Xperia X10 phone (a Sony Ericsson raffle), a Tamaraw FX (a Mercury Drug raffle) and, yes, almost all the blog giveaways I can find and... I haven't won anything! Till now!

Here's my loot...

This is the Kezia band (P585) and it's in pink! Love it! It's very comfy. I'm a migraine sufferer so headbands aren't a favorite but I've heard that Evita Peroni headbands are painless and the rumor is correct!

Discovered a new cooking show today. Well, it's been airing for a while now actually but I usually spend Saturday afternoons asleep so I never catch this show. But today I woke up just before the day turned into evening and caught it. It's called Everyday Exotic and it's hosted by chef/musician Roger Mooking.

Today, his special ingredient was lychee. He made grilled pork chops with potato pancakes and lychee salad served with a refreshing lychee cocktail.

The potato pancakes were interesting--he basically made a pancake batter, mixed in garlic powder, mashed potatoes and scallions, browned both sides on a buttered pan, then slid the pancakes into a hot oven for about 10 minutes.

Pork chops are always a very simple thing to do. I just season it with salt and pepper then fry them on a skillet. Perfect and simple all the time. Roger, meanwhile, marinated the meat in hoisin sauce for 30 minutes then put them on a grill and, I swear, my mouth just watered. I've never grilled anything in my life before and I love grilled food. Vince loves it even more than I do! Which makes me wonder why on earth don't we have a grill!

Well, I do know why we haven't gotten one--we live in a high-rise and we've always just thought that charcoal and smoke with a small enclosed space is a very bad combination. But when I saw Roger's tabletop grill, well, now I want one, too! Yep, an outdoor electric grill will be on my to-buy list now--just look at that photo above. Yes, that's my future. With that, I'll be able to grill pork chops, barbecue, steak, kebabs, fish, prawns, burgers and even fruit slices! OMG, now I'm really really hungry!