Another thing I have been wanting to ask you is, how did you forgive people who you helped financially? I have been praying to God to give me a forgiving heart pero minsan, I can't help but think, pano mo ifo-forgive eh hindi nga sila nanghihingi ng forgiveness? Ni hindi nila nakikita na nahu-hurt nila ang family n'yo by being a financial burden!
A.B.
Dear A.B.,
Don't attend reunions. I don't. Because your observation is correct: It's all compare, compare, compare. And no matter what you've made of yourself, someone's always going to make more money than you, look better than you, have a hotter spouse, and have a career more exciting than yours—and all of this is stuff that you probably don't want anyway! Even though your heart knows that you don't want what they have, all the negative energy in the room will make you want what you don't want. Like your high school ex maybe. Eww.
Joking aside, I can tell you with all honesty that I don't feel envy at all. I'm too happy with my life to be envious of others. You see, I know myself too well. For example, I have friends who travel all the time. That's nice but I know myself—I hate traveling. I like my home too much! So I'm just happy for my traveler friends and appreciate their stories and photos. I also have friends who have closets full of designer bags. I love nice bags, too! But I know my life—right now, my kids will just destroy everything I own so I patiently wait for the day I can own an expensive bag without worrying the kids will draw on it, spill juice in it or smear chocolate on it. Now this one I'll admit was a recent struggle: I have blogger friends who have amazing blogs and terrific traffic. I want that, too! But I quickly realized that right now my kids need my attention more so the blog will have to wait. And that's okay.
So the important tip:
Know yourself and what you really want. That's it. If you know who you are, know what you want, and be brave enough to go after it, then you know nothing can shake you from your purpose. And you'll be filled with happiness and peace, which allows you to be happy for others instead of getting envious of them.
Besides, people will always have something to say. Because we're writers (and, worse, I'm a blogger, which a lot of people find hysterical), Vince and I hear "concern" all the time. It does get on our nerves, to be honest. That's why it's important to know who you are and what you want. Eyes on the prize, A.B.! Vince and I are the happiest people we know. We may not be shopping every day, we may not have a huge house, but we're living a good life, a full life,
on our terms. Money can't buy the deliciousness of that!
As for your second question... Well, you just do. Forgive.
Help because you have a good heart. Help because you can. You seriously don't have to help, you know. Not helping someone financially is not a crime, but you help anyway because you're a good person. That is enough compensation—the knowledge that God has blessed you with more than enough and the undeniable truth that you may think you're bad for not wanting to help but because you did, then you are a better person than you think. You are a good person. So be good all the way!
It took me a looooong time to get to this point. Like you, I struggled with anger (and even hate) at the people who just take and take and take. They don't even say thanks! But I dunno. Maybe old age has softened my heart. What makes it easier for us also is we give money, we don't lend. So for example if someone asks to borrow P10,000, we'll say, "We can give you P5,000. It's yours." Then because we gave what we can, we can forget the money. It's not a niggling little worm that eats us.
You're the lucky one, A.B. That puts you in an incredibly privileged position. Help because you can. Forgive because you must.
Then email me so I can send you your Happy Skin lip glosses! Have a great weekend!
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If you have a question for me, send an email to frances@topazhorizon.com with "Ask Frances" on the subject.
