Friday, April 20, 2018

Considering a career change around your kids? Here are questions to ask first!

All mothers are busy. We can all agree on that, right? But when the kids are already spending all day in school, or you're lucky enough to have responsible household staff, and you feel that you now have time to do what you've always wanted but still have time for family, what do you do?

Many mamas feel they are missing professional challenges in their life. Now that you have a little bit of time on your hands and your long-suppressed ambitions are getting rowdy in your heart, then it might be a good idea to look through your career progression options. Whether you would like more flexibility or better time management, there is a perfect job out there for you. Before you make your final decision, however, you will need to check whether you can complete the transition and get what you want out of your new career. Here are the questions to ask yourself:

Do you have support?
Looking for a new job or asking for more work responsibilities is not just a professional decision. You have to make sure your family is behind you 100%. That means they really will be there for you when you come home late or need to meet deadlines. Supportive means they won't complain about the hours you spend studying or training. Supporting you means no emotional blackmail and making you feel guilty. It's hard enough to be a working mama so you're going to need your family's cooperation if you believe it's time to pursue your dreams.

Do you really have the time to pursue this?
One of the things mothers struggle with is time. You don’t want to spend more time away from home than necessary. If you are working full time at the moment, you might not be able to commit to training and development. If your training or further schooling is far from home, you might feel bad at the long commute, especially if you live in the traffic hell that is Manila. Before you decide which career option to go for, it is important that you check the time it will involve and if you're okay with committing to it. I'm not being discouraging, okay? I'm just being pragmatic. Best to know if you can do it than jump in and then find that you wasted your family's money and efforts because you didn't have the time to do it.

Being a consultant editor for BABY magazine was perfect! I brought the kids along to photo shoots, for example.

Can you build on your existing qualifications?
One of the best ways of speeding up your career progression or transition is to look for a new course that takes into consideration your previous qualifications. As an example, if you would like to upgrade your diploma online RN to BSN you will get credits for your previous course and get your degree faster studying at your own pace.

How flexible are your choices?
When raising kids, you will have some important responsibilities that you cannot neglect. Ideally, you would like to spend the weekends with your family, eat dinner with the kids, and be able to attend parents’ meetings and football matches. If your chosen career is not likely to give you this flexibility, you might need to look further. If, however, you will be able to work from home for a couple of days a week, you can work around your family life. That's my life now! It takes a lot of discipline, working from home, since there's a bed, a TV, and books to distract you! But I do enjoy working from home.
There's a lot of cute guys in my work place. Here's the littlest one!

Have you considered starting a business?

If you're tired of your office hours or the commute or if you're a housewife who now wants to work but doesn't want to go back to the stiff corporate environment, then you might consider starting your own business and being your own boss. Like I did! While at the beginning you’ll need to put in the extra hours and work hard, in the end you will get more freedom and money to spare. Consider your options and build on your strengths and opportunities to create a long term plan that works for you. From blogging to becoming an affiliate, virtual assistant, or online accountant, there are several options to choose from, depending on your qualifications, interest, and skills. 

I turned my blog into a business: I get sponsorships, partnerships, brand ambassadorships, and launched workshops.

Us working mamas often struggle with work-life balance. If you feel like it is time for a career change, consider your current and future commitments, and what your new job will help you to achieve. This way, you can not only improve your career, but also live a more balanced life.

*This post has affiliate links.

Thursday, April 19, 2018

The day after our wedding

Look at what Vince found last week! Photos from the morning after our wedding!

He's showing off his wedding ring. Hindi nakita haha
My eye bags are so wow.

These were 11 years ago. I took them with my Blackberry. We were so exhausted and exhilarated. Just so giddy and happy and tired. My eye bags are huge! I swear I look younger now than I did 11 years ago haha Thank you, eye cream!

Oh, such a happy day my wedding was. But, as someone once said in a speech at another wedding a long time ago, your wedding day is not the happiest day in your life. And it's true. The next day was. And most days after that. When the children are born... Oh my dear heaven, nothing beats that day and I'm so glad I had three of those blessed days.

Sure, marriage isn't all happiness. One time, Vince and I had a massive fight and I said I wasn't happy anymore and he seethed back, "So what? I didn't marry you to make you happy. I married you till death do us part!" And I was taken aback and realized that if every couple married for happiness, then what do you do when you're not happy anymore? And in life, there is only one guarantee—it's going to be hard, sometimes so hard you can't see through the darkness and despair. That's why you vow to stick together for better and for worse. Your husband is the hand you hold as you struggle out of the muck. And we went through a lot of shit a few years ago, and we came out of it still together and stronger than ever.

I can see Vince reading that last sentence and rolling his eyes in mirth. Vince likes to tease me whenever I blog about difficulties in our marriage. He goes, "Grabe, parang maghihiwalay na tayo! Grabe ang drama!" Kainis!!! In my mind, these are real struggles. But in his mind, I guess, as long as we're together, they're nothing to be worried about. He's so stable, so secure, so sure. I love this man.

Happy anniversary, Vince! Eleven years married, 19 in love. Next year is 20 years yo! You're such a lucky guy. And I'll always be the luckiest girl.

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Frances Finds: BabyLove Premium Gold Pants Diaper

Hi mamas! I just discovered the joy of shopping for diapers online!!! And I found a new diaper brand and we love it, too—BabyLove Premium Gold Pants.

But first, the back story: Ever since I've blogged about products I love, it's become stressful to do the grocery. Why??? Let me tell you this one time I wanted canned corn kernels and my usual brand had run out so I grabbed another brand instead. No biggie, right? Wouldn't you know that a blog reader just happened to pass by and remark, "Ay, diba Jolly ka?" GUYS. Stress! It's not just when there's no stock. There have been many times I wanted to try out a new product I saw on the supermarket shelf or on another mommy blogger's IG feed and I couldn't!

So I was telling the girls at work that the supermarket near the office didn't have my toddler's diaper size and I had to go to a much farther grocery store to get our usual diaper brand because I can't buy another brand in case there just happens to be some blog reader passing by to question my brand loyalty. They laughed at my ridiculousness, decided they'll never become a blogger, and said, "That's so crazy. Why don't you buy diapers from Lazada or Shopee then? They're much cheaper, there are more brands available, and they're delivered straight to your house!" Straight to my house...! Why did I never think of that?! I never realized you can buy diapers online!

So I went to Lazada and Shopee and sure enough there were diapers upon diapers upon diapers! Good thing there were official stores so it was easy to find authentic products. I was about to put our usual brand in my cart when I remembered that I am now safe to check out other brands. Oh yes! So I clicked on this diaper and that diaper and then discovered BabyLove.

Okay, here are my 5 reasons for choosing BabyLove:


1. As I was clicking away, Piero, my toddler looked over my shoulder and liked the baby on the packaging. "That one, Mama!" So I clicked on it and read the description and figured it was worth a try.


2. I did some research because of course we mommies always research on the products we use on our kids. I found out that BabyLove is a Thai brand. Now, Thailand is the last country I visited so I felt a connection. So I guess that's also why I had more interest in this diaper than the others online!


3. Mommy blogger friend, Denise of Royal Domesticity, uses it on her new baby girl. In fact, she was the one who told me about BabyLove so since I like checking out what my friends use, I said yes to this brand! Denise blogged about BabyLove here: #MyBabyMyWay should be the official hashtag of your motherhood.


4. Okay, I wanted to try a high-end diaper. Yes. Because Piero has extra sensitive skin (compared to his older brothers, he has allergic reactions to more things). My research told me that BabyLove has all the qualities I look for in a diaper: absorbs fast and well, no leaking, keeps skin dry, and made of really soft material. I was so happy that when the diapers arrived, they looked and felt and even smelled so posh!


5. I also discovered on Instagram that BabyLove is supporting mothers' choices in raising their babies through their #MyBabyMyWay campaign. We may have different ways but our choices are always dictated by love. I like that. I support that. There's just too many mommy wars out there when we should just all be supporting each other. Motherhood is hard enough already. Let's just believe that the mother who raises her kids differently than we do made the best choices given their situation. 

So I got the BabyLove Premium Gold Pants because we're trying to toilet-train Piero. The pants arrived fast and we just started using them last week and so far so good, we love the "dia-pants"—that's what Piero calls them haha. We actually still have a dozen pieces of our old diaper brand but Piero doesn't want to use them anymore! That's how much he loves his new BabyLove Premium Gold Pants!


I'll do a proper review next time since this post is getting long haha. Anyway, just sharing some good news: If you want to try BabyLove, get good deals (up to 30%-50% off, mamas!) on this great find on Shopee's Baby Fair Event on April 19-24.  Shop here!

Check out the Facebook page of BabyLove Philippines for more info!

Monday, April 16, 2018

Frances Finds: Easy cook-at-home lechon kawali (plus a sawsawan recipe!)

I just had the best lechon kawali, mamas, and the bestest part of it is my husband cooked it here at our very own kitchen! That's because of my new mom find, the Purefoods Heat and Eat Lechon Kawali!


I saw this product first last Christmas when some of my mommy blogger friends posted photos of their Noche Buena and meron silang lechon kawali at crispy pata. And nainggit ako hahaha So I checked it out at the supermarket, found that the Purefood Heat and Eat packets were so affordable (the Lechon Kawali is just P230 and the Crispy Pata is just P325), and so now we are eating them!


Preparing the Lechon Kawali was super easy lang. It literally is just heat and eat. We just opened the bag, took out the pre-cooked chunk of meat, and fried it for a few minutes. That's it!


Here's my recipe for the sawsawan:

1/2 cup balsamic vinegar
1/4 cup patis
1 tsp brown sugar
1 tsp. sliced shallots
1 thinly sliced garlic clove
half a thumb of ginger, sliced into thin strips
2 siling labuyo

The lechon kawali was so hot and crispy and so good with my sawsawan, mamas! Paired with hot and steaming rice, plus pinakbet on the side and we had such an enjoyable and truly Pinoy lunch.


Yung leftovers, kung meron man, you can either fry or broil again, or you can make into lechon paksiw. So sobrang sulit talaga the lechon kawali because for just P230, you can feed your family na a hearty meal. I am so happy about my find!


You know, mamas, I'm really happy whenever I find anything that makes this whole motherhood thing easier. When you're a working mama like me without a maid or yaya (and I say that in grief and despair because every single day for more than a year, I've been hoping and wishing for a kasambahay and especially on my birthdays and the holidays, all I ever pray for is a trusty household helper), cooking and keeping house become drudgery. So when discoveries like these come my way, I get super excited and happy.

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

The Lucky Ones

I used to have a column in parenting website, Juana.com.ph. The website folded within a year and that made me very sad because I loved being a parenting columnist. Loyal Readers would know one of my dreams is to be a columnist.

Well, it came true naman. I was a lifestyle columnist at Manila Bulletin 4 years ago (my column was called Behind the Scenes) but that didn't go so well because I was a new mom for the third time and quickly found I couldn't juggle three kids, a blog, and a weekly newspaper column. After a year, I resigned with much regret and I think my editor was very disappointed I wasted my chance. So, two years later, when the Juana column offer came, I was so happy!

Oh well. Life in the time of rapidly changing media. 

Anyway, I wanted to publish my Juana articles here on my blog to preserve them. I'll post two or so every month. This was my first—a love letter to Vince when we were so dangerously close to not making it. It's apt since this April is also our 19th fell-in-love and 11th wedding anniversary! I'll add an update after.

* * * * * * *
This was taken shortly before I wrote my letter.

Dearest Vince, 

People tell me all the time how lucky we are to have careers that allow us to work from home. I blog. You write. I cook. You play with our boys. I negotiate another contract. You edit another chapter of your book. I help the preschoolers with their homework. You read to the toddler. I rush to meet a client’s deadline. You rush to meet a magazine’s deadline. We live and breathe words and kids under the same roof, 24/7. It’s an amazing life, one we always dreamed of, and we made this life together, just the two of us. 

People tell me how lucky we are that we live the way we do, but they don’t see that we are so busy, we sometimes spend days rushing past each other. There’s always dishes to wash, laundry to do, deadlines to meet, emails to answer, chores, errands, kids! Always the kids. They need to be fed, hugged, kissed, read to, played with, bathed, scolded, encouraged, taught, brought to school, fetched from school, again and again and again. While we love our life, everything in it is so urgent. Everything is now, now, now! Oh, Vince, if you only knew that my need for you is just as urgent as your need for me. 

I feel it from across the living room, where the kids and their toys and my laptop and notes are between us. It isn’t even sexual, this need, although of course many times it is. Most times what I desperately need is a laugh, a hug, a kiss, a good long chat. I feel it when we’re in the car with the noisy kids in the back seat and the endless errands before us, and we can’t really talk because the things we talk about when we finally do talk are just for the two of us. 

I miss the two of us. Please know that there will always be the two of us. We just need to ride this out. I hope you’ll wait for me, not years from now when we’re old and wrinkly. Please wait for me now, for those pockets of moments when we can be alone, even for just a minute. I know you do but after six years of the kids, work, and exhaustion grabbing me away from you, I know sometimes you give up and you fold into your books, knowing your books are always there and I am not. 

Sometimes I also ignore those moments. Sometimes I catch a rare chance when the kids are all asleep, and this is it, this is when I can be with you, but I chose instead to check Facebook because being married takes effort and I was too tired to get up and be married. 

I’m sorry, Vince. I’m sorry for not always appreciating the gift of you. And oh what a gift! I still remember that rainy Monday from 18 years ago when I met you. I didn’t know then that you, my wonderful you, were about to completely change my miserable life. 

My luck changed when I met you. People call it luck. I think it was love. It was love that made us push each other to chase our dreams and be each other’s sole cheerleaders because no one else believed we can make a living out of words. It was love that put us in a church on the hottest day of the year to vow forever. It was love that made us children, and love for them that made us build a life around them, and love that keeps us going even when we haven’t talked or bathed or laughed together for days.

So it isn’t luck that we have. It’s love. And love may not be as exciting and as passionate when it was just the two of us but the two of us built this amazing life with so much love. We may be buried under diapers and duties now, but we’re still here. And it sure isn’t luck that’s keeping us here. No, it isn’t luck at all. For that, I’m grateful.

* * * * * * *
This is us now. Stronger, better, happier!

Update: That letter was published February 2017. My Juana editor said my theme was Valentine's Day. I was a bit dismayed because I wasn't feeling very romantic. I believe any mama drowning in childcare and household chores can relate. But I sat down, took pen and paper, and forced myself to think about Vince, to think about him and only him and, and about us, too, and I was overwhelmed with a fierce love and longing, and then grief because children were overwhelming our marriage.

I was afraid we wouldn't make it, not because we were having affairs or fighting or hurting each other, but because we were so focused on the kids. Kids when we wake up, kids throughout the day, and kids when our heads hit the pillow. I was afraid that one day, we'd look up and see a stranger. 

So I wrote my letter. 

It's been more than a year and I'm happy to tell you we're still married. And we're so much happier now in our marriage than last year. There are things that could make our life better (like more money, a yaya and a maid, the work we really want to do—like writing and publishing books, editing dying magazines, and did I mention more money haha) but all of those are extra now that the marriage is going smoothly again.

What changed? Basically, it's time. I have more time for Vince now. I'm glad we waited for each other and I'm glad we helped each other through it. You know how people will demand, "I'm married. I have to have my needs taken care of!" Valid point. But what if you're sick, what if you're apart, what if you're working, what if you're just too tired and overwhelmed by parenthood? I believe in waiting, I believe in the right moments, I believe in riding it out. And I'm glad we waited out this whole small-children phase in our marriage. We know there will be other phases when we'll have to take a back seat to more urgent things. But we survived this. Good things come to those who wait. I'm glad we were so patient because now our marriage is good. Again. 

* * * * * * *

Update, January 2021: This blog post is part of my first book, Not Invisible, my mom-oir! Grab a copy from Ukiyoto Publishing and Amazon.