TOPAZ HORIZON

I had a great birthday weekend and thank you all so much for the hundreds of well wishes over at Facebook and my DMs and Instagram! You guys! You made my 44th so happy. Thank you! 

I said on my birthday post on all my social media platforms that I was going to make myself pretty. I was going to put on makeup, blow out my hair, and put on a brightly colored dress because I want to document that my turning into a middle-aged woman (wait, I've been one since 4 years ago haha) is still oh so fantabulous. 

But motherhood happened. I was sleepy, my boys told me to nap nap nap, and so I did. And so this is 44 - chaotic, unshowered, hair in a messy pony, and TOTALLY LOVED!

Speaking of what I've learned, let me just quickly share with you 4 things I've realized now that I'm in my 40s.

1. Slow down. 

Maybe because I'm a mommy always telling my kids, "Slooooow down - you'll get into an accident. Gentle hands only so you won't break it. Take your time so you won't make mistakes. Slow and steady wins the race, guys." Maybe because I say those so often I've had to practice what I preach. 

I've mostly been setting goals since I was 13. I had planned on having all my dreams come true by the time I'm 30. And yep, they did. And you know what? It's not that big a deal after all. What do you do when you get everything you want and more and you're only 30? You set more and bigger goals. Well, that can be an endless pursuit of happiness that will forever elude you. 

So I slowed down instead, settled down, had babies. I opened myself up to what the world said I should try next and for the first time in my life, I started being generous with my life instead of taking from others. I just go with the flow now. It's much more fascinating and surprising, and oh so fulfilling.

2. Watch. Listen.

Oh, this was because of the 2016 elections. It's no secret I'm not happy with the current administration but we are a democracy so no matter what I feel and believe, I'm going to let this administration run its course. But to survive the disappointment, the shock, and the anger, I've learned to stop, watch, and listen. I won't yell at you anymore. I'll listen. 

Because of this, I've learned a lot about other people's lives and why they picked their choices. I may not be convinced they made the right choice - yes, even after all that observing and listening - but at least I can see where they're coming from. And really, it's a place of fear, anger, hate, and a feeling of being ignored for so long. That's why they wanted change, even if that change was for the worse for the nation as a whole. But individually, their lives improved or at least they felt seen and heard. For the first time, these people felt important. 

That's powerful. The lesson I took away from that is to make every single person count. Then their choices will be informed by validation, not by desperation.

(Blogged on Nov. 10, 2016: This is all our fault.)

3. I'm not important. 

I know that sounds terribly low self-esteem haha but if you at all know me, I have a really healthy self-image, to the point of conceit (at least that's how some people see my self-love). But the older I got, the more I understood that making my little self matter in this big world is not the point of my existence. What's more important is making this big world smaller so that no one ever feels little.

4. Love truly is the solution to everything.

It's my faith in God speaking. Or maybe my being a liberal hippie. Or maybe because I'm a writer and I truly believe in love, truth, beauty, and freedom. Maybe it's all of the above. You see, the older I've gotten and I've seen more of people and the world, the more I've learned that love soothes, comforts, heals, encourages, sustains, breaks through, lifts up, and changes every single thing in the world. Love for self, for others, for the planet. If we truly love, the world will be so much better.

I don't know why others grow old in hate, ignorance, and fear. I bless my age because it has given me wisdom and made me see that love solves every problem in the world. And it may look like there's so little of it now but if I just look, really look, and also pray (because it is not easy to love!), then there's so much love that I can give! 

And receive! Just look at my life! There's my dearest husband who has loved me for more than 20 years. There's our darling boys who shower me with hugs and kisses and the most honest conversations in my life. I have my family, my in-laws, my neighbors, my friends, and I have you! You who have stuck around even when I was so selfish and unlovable. It's all of you really, the reason why I've become a better person. 

Love is the answer to everything. It may have taken me 44 years to see that but I finally have. I am so grateful! 

We may all still be quarantined because of the COVID-19 pandemic but that doesn't mean Halloween has to be sad. We can still make Halloween fun for the kids by celebrating at home! But because there's the novel coronavirus going around, let's make an extra effort to make this candy holiday a wee bit healthier.

My creepy and cute kids with their DIY Jack o' Lanterns and favorite healthy candy.

1. Create your own Halloween decorations. 

You don't have to go all out. Just have your kid do one creepy artwork to get into the mood. For busy parents, it's perfectly alright to order the spooky decor online. It's just as fun to receive the packages and decorate your home with your kids! The point is getting the kids to get creative, move around the house, stretching up to hang decor, have fun. 

Their Papa and the kids made our DIY Halloween decor!

2. Make small candy bags. 

Kids loooove candy but since they won't be going around the village or the condo complex this year collecting treats, you don't need a big bag for candy. You can just get make a cute creepy bag for the candy haul.

3. Keep ’em on their feet. 

You may be at home but you can still include plenty of physical activities. Look for Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video and have a zombie dance contest (winner gets candy!). Or how about dress up like a monster and chase your kids around haha

4. Serve healthy snacks. 

To offset all that candy, create munchies that are healthy, like banana ghosts, veggie-meatball monsters, pizza with ghost-shaped cheese, apple monster mouths, and deviled eggs topped with black olives shaped like spiders. Make sure to wash it all down with Welch's 100% Grape Juice!

5. Choose your sweets well.

Like I said, it's okay to buy candy! Just mix the candy with healthier options like caramel popcorn, dried fruit, trail mix, candied nuts, and gummies made with 100% fruit juice and no extra sugar, like Welch's Fruit Snacks. Sugarless gum (just look for the ingredient xylitol) is a favorite. Chocolates, especially dark ones, are great, too. Our dentist says she prefers sweets that melt away or can be washed down with a drink of water. 

Treats to avoid: cake, muffins, and cupcakes. The carbs and starches get stuck in between teeth. Lollipops aren't a good idea either because your teeth get exposed to the sugar for around 10 minutes whereas other sweets you eat and swallow within seconds.

I was watching the season 4 trailer for Netflix's "The Crown" and I still can't believe that Charles could cheat on Diana with Camilla. But then I thought that Camilla was his first love and he was with her the entire time (even when she was married yikes). He only turned to Diana because he was 30 and single. A king's most important duty is to produce an heir so Charles better get going. So I guess in this case, Camilla was the "wife" and Diana was the poor "mistress." She truly didn't stand a chance. 

I miss making OK! magazine!

Not that we're romanticizing any illegal affairs here, okay (yep, in the Philippines adultery and concubinage are crimes). But mistresses, especially celebrity ones, will always get hate hate hate. Unless you're the most successful kabit of all time - Angelina Jolie. Well, technically that would still be Camilla since Angelina and Brad got divorced, but Camilla had to endure hatred for decades. Angelina was beloved from the start. It was horrifying really seeing everyone root for the mistress, not for the devastated wife, Jennifer Aniston.

So how did Angelina do it? As a former celebrity magazine editor who had to put the Brangelina love story on my cover every single time for maybe 5 years haha, I have learned her ways. Here's how she did it: 

1. Don't go for a man with children.

Well, don't ever fall for a married man. Period. But if you go for a married man with kids, oh boy, you're never going to get any sympathy at all. I think that's why Angelina got away with a lot - Brad didn't have any kids and he wanted tons of kids. Our strange society thinks very badly of women who don't have kids so between child-free Jen and Mother Angelina, the latter got sympathy very quickly. She played on that, too, talking about her love for kids and how Brad wanted to be a father and how willing she was to be the mother of his children. People LOVE that shit.

But if the guy has kids, steer clear. It's bad enough he's lying to his wife, but betraying innocent children, too? That's plain evil. People will never forgive anyone who takes a father from his kids. That's pure evil. Don't be evil and don't fall for evil men. 

As for Camilla, honestly, I don't think she had a choice. Charles was a Prince of the Kingdom and eventually he would be the King. I think she had to say yes or else she'd get beheaded (joke - British sovereigns don't do that anymore).

2. Don't ever deny the affair.

Don't ever post Instagram Stories (ghostwritten or not haha) denying the affair because people will just enjoy your dirty laundry and come out with proof of your sullied reputation. You don't want that. The truth will come out for sure. There will be witnesses like frenemies, CCTV, irritated personal assistants, gleeful production assistants, etc. 

This was Angelina's one mistake. She kept denying it. She even said, "To be intimate with a married man, when my own father cheated on my mother, is not something I could forgive. I could not, could not look at myself in the morning if I did that." And then she and Brad got photographed in March (or April) 2005 frolicking on a beach, and she was already pregnant with first biological child Shiloh when Brad and Jen's divorce was finalized in October. People can count months, ya know. Later on, she said in an interview with The New York Times that her kids love watching Mr. & Mrs. Smith because "Not a lot of people get to see a movie where their parents fell in love." That movie was filmed in 2004, waaaaaay before Jen and Brad separated (January 2005) and divorced. So crap!  

As for Camilla, she kept quiet the entire time. Oh boy, did she get vilified for years. I honestly don't know how she survived that. But she did and mostly because pinanindigan niya. 

3. Take over the narrative.

Okay, so you fell for a married man. You're the most hated vixen in the world. What do you do now? The media (traditional and social) will destroy you anyway so try to make them go to your side. In the case of Camilla and Charles, they had their friends slip little morsels to the press. Charles was unhappy because Diana was crazy. Camilla was the only one who supported Charles and his heavy burden as would-be King while Diana was off partying and shopping. That sort of narrative.

As for Brangelina, the entertainment editors always called Jennifer to get her side but she was so hurt, she hid away. That's expected and that was gracious of her. But Angelina took advantage of this silence from Jen. If the media was going to feast on her life, she might as well give them what she wants - her side of the story. 

Why do I know this? Because I was an entertainment magazine editor during that time and at international conferences, we editors and publishers discussed how to help Jennifer but Angelina was charming the panties out of editors everywhere. She was relentless and irresistible. 

So if people are going to talk about you, you might as well give them something to talk about. Grant interviews. Send presents to the editors. Be everywhere - red carpets, talk shows - and be dazzling! Your name is now followed by "homewrecker" so do something about it and add more: queen of the red carpet, funny, charming, charitable, compassionate. More in the next tip... 

4. Put your very best foot forward.

So now you want to do a media blitzkrieg. What's the story you want out there? You want people to see beyond the homewrecker status. Let's see how Santa Angelina (that was her nickname, remember?) did it. She used all that attention to highlight her humanitarian efforts with the United Nations. She talked about the plight of refugees and orphans. She traveled to war zones, ramped up her conservation efforts, wrote books, was a guest speaker at important conferences. And you guys don't know this but we would get invitations to interview Angelina and be allowed to ask a personal question IF the focus of the article is her humanitarian efforts. So if you're wondering why many of the features on Angelina were glowing, this was why.

Camilla was amazing at this, too. Well, the couple actually hired a PR executive to help rehabilitate their image. First thing they had to do was get Camilla a charity. She supports osteoporosis, literacy, and many other charities but she also famously took on rape and sexual abuse - a cause most royals avoid. She was very active in helping victims of sexual abuse and advocating for their rescue and therapy. This was such a bold cause that British women (the ones who hated her most) fell in love with her.

So if you're a celebrity mistress, use all the unwanted attention for a good cause. Donate your time and money to charity. Because people hate perfection and if you present yourself as perfect and good but made the tragic mistake of falling for a married man, the world will like you better. A fallen angel, if you will.

5. Always present a united front.

And this was the best strategy of Brangelina and Charles and Camilla. They were always a pair from the start. They were so in love, you just couldn't ignore the force of their love - even if Jennifer and Diana were their roadkill. Terrible, I know. Marriage is sacred but all the world loves a lover, as they say. WTF, right?

So share family photos, especially if your children are cute because people love cute babies. Brangelina had 6! Camilla, meanwhile, was forgiven as soon as people saw her with Charles's boys, William and Harry. So always be seen together. Look happy. Look in love. Announce important events together. The birth of your child/ren, putting up a business, starring in a movie, getting engaged (never ever post a solo engagement photo). Don't ever do anything alone, dear kabit, because that reinforces the fact that you are not part of a family and that you broke apart one.

I know it looks like you're flaunting your sin and being a complete shameless hussy. But you already are anyway. So just own it but be humble and gracious about it. How to do that??? Well, look at Camilla and Angelina!

Every illicit affair gets lots of mileage.

So don't do it. It's evil. It's not worth it.