Hi, mommies who are looking to go back to work after years as a homemaker! Yes, I've been getting your questions about what it's like to jump back in the rat race and I'm taking my time to respond. I'm not ignoring you! I just really don't know how to answer the question because my experience is wholly mine - the industry, the salary, the hours, the coworkers, the way I'm adjusting, the way my family is adjusting.
There are so many aspects to being employed again so it's a complicated question to answer. What matters to me may not be important to you. What makes me unhappy may be something you're praying for. So since my experience may not apply to you, I don't know how to navigate the subject. I'll write a blog post about it once I figure out how I feel.
I've always been a working mom, but for the last 10 years, I was a work-at-home mom with my own business. Working for a company is a whole different animal.
So you asked me 3 questions:
"What's going back to work like after all these years?" No answer yet.
"Where do you work?" I know I promised to reveal my new job as soon as I get regularized, but I just quietly decided that I want to still be known for my work as a writer, editor, author, and Lean In co-founder. My job isn't a secret. I just don't think my day job needs to be broadcast.
"How do I answer the interviewer when they say, 'Tell me about yourself'?" Answer below! And I'll add tips on how to ask questions, too!
Company: Tell me about yourself.
I'll be honest. Every time I hear this, my first reaction is, "Did you not read my CV?!" My HR friend said they scan dozens of CVs so, no, they don't recall anything about you at all. So a succinct introduction helps them mark your application as a go or a no.
Here's how I answer:
1. I give them a brief background of what I've been doing,
2. I talk about something I'm passionate about,
3. I list a few of my skills and strengths that are relevant to the position,
4. I say what I hope to achieve in my career, not necessarily in their company but it helps if you can connect them.
So here's an example:
"Hi, I'm Frances. I'm a writer and editor. I've contributed to and edited content in magazines, websites, and e-commerce sites for the last 20 years. I do this very well and quickly, too. I live for deadlines! I have also led teams, and managing people is something I'm good at and truly enjoy. Even my hobbies are about writing and people. I wrote a book about marriage and motherhood. I also have a blog where I try to empower and inspire other moms like me because I'm passionate about helping other women. That's why I co-founded Lean In Manila, which supports women in their work. That's also why the communications manager position you have open interests me. Not only is communications my specific skill set, but I also know your company has helped thousands of Filipinas improve their lives and I want to see how I can be part of that."
That's tweakable. Like I said, I just say what's relevant to the position. Now go, try it out. Write down your answer and rehearse it a bit. It's not so hard because you're talking about yourself, but you want to write it down so you won't ramble.
But what about if you didn't work at all because you're a homemaker? Own it! Don't be ashamed. I always tell companies that I'm a mom. It's my most important job! Here's a good article: "How to explain the mommy gap in your resume"
Oh, another tip. Be relatable. If I'm speaking to a Filipino, then I speak in Taglish. I know I have to be professional but I also want a friendly vibe. Check also how the person interviewing you is like - are they friendly, nice, kind? Or are they short, condescending, rude? That already tells you a lot about that workplace!
I also talk about myself in a happy, proud way because, yes I need a job, but I also want them to see that they need someone skilled, talented, and great to work with - me! That's a first impression you want to make.
You: So tell me about your company.
Yes, mama. Return the favor! Ask them why they're a good idea. Remember that this job is taking you away from your family for at least 9 hours a day. Is this a place you want to spend that much time in? My work, for example, requires us to be at the office for 10 hours.
TEN HOURS.
My youngest boy told me last week, "I did some computing, Mama. You leave at 7:15 and then come home at 6:40. Sometimes even later. That's almost 12 hours you're away. You spend more time at your job than with us."
💔
Yeah, mamas. I'm doing a lot of thinking. Please pray for me.
😞
Back to the topic. Job interviews are very much like speed dating and you shouldn't forget that you need to get to know who you're going to spend the best hours of your day with. You have power, too, mama. Don't ever let any HR person make you feel desperate.
So when they start winding down the interview and they ask, “Do you have any questions for us?”, please lay them all out!
Ask the important questions!
Here are a few:
Why is this position open? What happened to the person who used to hold this job?
Very important! Was the person fired - why? Did the person quit - why? They actually won't answer this honestly, unless it's "The previous manager was promoted to director. In our company, good work is recognized and rewarded."
Why is this a good place to work in? Do you like working here? What's keeping you here?
This is you exploring the work culture and the benefits they offer.
Where is the company headed in 2 to 5 years?
You want to know their plans and see if these align with yours. Remember, you're a mommy. Things change with every stage of the kids' life, so you want to gauge if your family life will be affected by the company's future plans.
What kind of employee are you looking for?
Red flag if they say someone who's willing to work beyond their hours!
How is conflict handled?
Always, always ask this. Sigh.
How do you retain employees? Is there an annual merit increase? How is the promotion process like?
You want to know if the increase matches inflation. You also want to know how they promote employees - is there tenure required, for example, or will you be required to take on projects that aren't in your job description, or will they ask you to work extra hours?
What are the KPIs?
Don't ever forget this! We all think when we see the job description, "Oh, this is right up my alley. I'll be promoted in no time!" Then you find out your KPIs on your first day of work and you realize they set you up for failure.
What are the next steps?
You want to know if they're going to tell you if you got the job or not, especially if it's a not. Some companies just never let you know.
What else? What else? Let me know in the comments! There’s a lot more, depending on what matters to you. For example, if you're a mom of just one kid and he's old enough and he's doing well in school and has great friends, then maybe spending 10 hours at work isn't such a big deal. But when you have 3 kids and the youngest says he still needs his mama, then...
Sometimes, when I get home and I'm not so exhausted, I cook! My family misses my cooking.
In my case, I asked about medical benefits because I have 3 kids and I got sick last year. Suddenly, health benefits became a priority, which is the second biggest reason I went back to the rat race (the first is regular income - running a business was hard during the pandemic). I liked what the company offered - it was a really good HMO package! - but joke's on me because when I finally got regularized and qualified for HMO, all our family doctors and dentists said they were not affiliated with the particular HMO of our company. So that really, really sucks.
Some questions should be asked as soon as they come up in conversation. You don't have to wait till the end of the interview to take out your list! But, yes, write down your questions and let them know you want answers. This lets them know you're serious about the job and yourself.
Remember, a job is a relationship. You're not a slave and your employer is not a dictator. Ask your questions because you need to know what you're walking into. Yes, you want to make a good impression but they need to impress you, too. Will they actually be honest with you? I dunno. But trust your gut.
And then even after all the questions and answers and you finally get hired, you walk into the office and meet your coworkers and you get that sinking feeling in your tummy. "Oh shoot. I've made a mistake." That's okay. There's a probation period of 4-6 months for you... and the company! Yes, you should work hard and give your best, but keep your eyes and ears open and see if the company is giving its best to you, too.
Oh, look, I'm wearing heels again! As a stay-at-home mom, I've been either barefoot or in sneakers. Then I went back to the office this year but since I commute, I'm still in sneakers. I wear the footwear my role requires. So these heels are for when I met a fascinating group of amazing women for Lean In Manila.
I've been so many things. Church receptionist. Preschool teacher. Creative writing for kids teacher. English teacher for Koreans. Senate slave. Speechwriter. PR girl. Writer. Magazine editor. Blogger. Influencer. Business owner. Speaker at women's events. Co-founder. Author. Book editor. And now communications manager at a thoroughly corporate corporation.
Every step into a new world was painful. I sound so casual about it, but I always cry and cry whenever I leave a job because, it can't be helped, I begin to identify as the job - always a bad idea, my long career experience will say. And leaving a job, getting fired (yes, I got fired for being honest!), getting laid off, is always shitty.
When I was a kid, I vowed I will be just one thing all my life. My mother was in Meralco forever and she said that's the dream - one company till you retire. Like a marriage, I guess. But my resume says I've not been one thing at all.
My sons argued, "But you have been, Mama! You've always worked with words."
"It's the only thing I'm good at."
It's been interesting being many things, meeting many kinds of people, jumping into things I know absolutely nothing about and just going, "Well, if I fail, then next!" I owe this confidence to Vince, by the way, because he catches me. And I catch him.
Anyway, I don't have a point. Just a story to tell. That life is interesting. And people are interesting. I just need to be curious and willing to say yes to new adventures, especially those I swore I'm not brave enough to do or know. Like new careers, marriage, children, people I thought I'd never be friends with, God.
I'm 46. I know I'm only just warming up. Whether that new world requires sneakers or heels, I'm still so excited to see where I'm going next!
I'm a sole proprietor of my writing and editing business. I had no idea how to start a small business but thanks to my friends in Taxumo, they helped me. So if you're dreaming, hoping, and wanting to start your own negosyo, research, ask around from entrepreneurial friends, and take the leap! Here's a guest post that I'm sure will be of help!
Let your money grow!
Ikaw ba ay nagpaplano na magbukas ng iyong small business ideas? When it’s your first time starting a business, it is better to start small. Lalo na kung limited lang ang iyong puhunan, magandang panimula ang small business ideas para matuto sa paghandle ng iyong negosyo.
Kung ikaw ay desidido na magbukas ng iyong small business, ito ang mga tips at mga do’s and don’ts when starting your small business!
DO: Research your market
Ang pinaka-mahalagang step when starting your business is to research your market. Mahalagang alamin kung ano ang wants at needs ng iyong mga customer. Ang mga tanong na mahalagang sagutin ay “Sino ang iyong target market?” “Ano ang mga kadalasang needs at wants ng iyong target market?” at “paano mo maaaring punan ang mga pangangailangan na ito?”
This first step is the important part when making the decision on whether to open your business, what services or products to offer, at kung ang iyong posibleng branding.
DON’T: Skip business planning
Never skip business planning! Mula sa market research, ang sunod na step ay to plan your business and have an outline. It is important to specify your goals and vision for your business, para rin iyong malaman ang possible steps and methods kung paano mo aabutin ang iyong mga goals.
DO: Get your business permit
Common misconception sa mga small business owners na hindi na kailangan ng permit para magsimula ng negosyo. Pero alam mo ba na mahalaga itong step para sa iyong negosyo?
Bukod sa makakaiwas ka sa komplikasyon dahil legal ang iyong negosyo, isa rin itong mahalagang factor para mapalago ang iyong negosyo sa future. If you want to expand your business in the future, kailangan mo ang mga permit na ito to get your loans and fundings sorted out.
DON’T: Be shy when promoting your business
One of the traits you should have is confidence and trust in your business. Huwag ka dapat mahiya na ipakilala ang iyong bagong negosyo sa iyong mga kamag anak, kakilala, at mga kaibigan! Sabi nga nila, ang tunay mong mga kaibigan ang siyang susuporta sa iyong business venture.
Mahalaga rin na gamitin mo ang social media to promote your business. Hindi mo agad kailangan gumamit ng paid ads, mahalaga lang ay alam mo ang kiliti ng iyong mga customer.
DO: Keep track of your financials
A small business is still a business. It is important to respect your hard work and your goals by keeping track of your finances. Make sure to take note of what goes in and out of your finances. Dito rin makikita kung tunay na mabenta ang iyong mga produkto, malaki ba ang losses, o kung anong specific products and services ang pinaka gusto ng iyong mga customer.
DON’T: Give up easily on your plans
Owning a business is no walk in the park. May mga panahon na hindi mo mare-reach ang iyong goals, o may challenges na makakasalubong. Pero ang mahalaga ay maniwala ka sa iyong goals at ang iyong pangarap. Do not give up on your small business dreams!
Are you ready to start your small business? Milk tea business man iyan o sari-sari store business, your first negosyo is the start of your big dreams!
Photo dump! Today's blog post will be a catch-up because my last time here was April 30. That was almost 2 months ago. This has got to be the longest I've been away from you all. I missed you!
The last 2 months were packed to the brim - no, it was overflowing! - with sooo many things happening, I could barely breathe. Here are a few:
Mother's Day!
My middle son's birthday!
My eldest's spiritual retreat was his first ever time spent away from us. I had dreadful separation anxiety. But I'm so glad he had a good time and he was a lovely boy, being all appreciative of his family.
My eldest boy's graduation!
He won 2 awards, too!
I'm so thrilled!
With my two big boys
And here's my husband with our littlest boy.
Lots of stuff I haven't been sharing! Here are more photos from the past year!
At the sea wall. The kids haven't seen the sea in forever so I found it amusing how amazed they were.
My youngest joined a chess club.
The kids also visited the dentist and all's good!
Dessert date with the boys!
Vince had a book signing at the Philippine Book Festival and his book was sold out!
Oh, I have soooo many more photos and stories but work - my day job + my real job as writer and editor - has been a LOT so I haven't been able to update you. Really just wanted to drop by and tell you life's been overwhelming. I'm overwhelmed, to be honest. Like I said, sometimes I feel I can't breathe. Sunod-sunod kasi talaga!
But I'm not complaining. I pray to God, "Lord, give me strength, give me more years. Everything is tiring me out but I want the whole human experience. I don't want to miss out because I only have this one chance to live the abundant life You promised."
Abundance! Claiming it every day. Thanks for still being here, dear Loyal Reader. May God grant you endless blessings and favor!
“I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” John 10:10
Over the last few years, some dear Loyal Readers dropped messages in my inbox asking if I was ever going to talk about Papa because I said I would. I promised it in "When peace is a complicated thing," and maybe you should read that first because it will help you understand this post.
Papa died in April 2019, and while I had peppered my blog with stories of how Papa and I had drifted apart in the last two decades of his life, I still thought I would feel his loss. People told me that I would regret our distance. That I would regret not trying harder.
But I'd already tried. Talked, gave (how much I gave!), forgave, tried again. I was always trying because I felt that I owed that to him because he was my father, and that I owed it to Mama, who also always tried till the day she died. I found out later from my aunt that Mama regretted trying to make it work all the damn time. So that informed my decision to walk away later on when the straw finally broke the camel's back.
That was the day when I visited him yet again with my little baby boys, and he just kept watching TV. Nakwento ko na ba ito? Anyway, there was a basketball game. He loved basketball. But I was there, and with his grandsons, too! Surely he loved us more? So I said, "Papa, look at your apos. Play with them. Or play the guitar. They love music! Get to know them. We're only here once a month, and they grow so fast." And Papa, without looking away from the TV, said, "I don't have to. I know all I need to know from your Facebook posts."
I was shocked, but not surprised. I guess the shock was him saying that in front of my kids. I tried again. "But you know Facebook is just the highlight reel. Don't you want to know how we really are?"
And still not taking his eyes off his stupid basketball game, he said, "I'm okay with Facebook."
So I let him be okay with Facebook. He shared my sons' photos with gushing updates and his 5,000+ friends liked and commented, "You're such a great lolo! So blessed!" They never knew he never asked to see my sons, never even asked about them. Kahit text man lang na "Kumusta na ang mga bata?" wala. He went out of his way to see friends and relatives na mas malayo pa sa bahay ko, but my sons? No. Ni ha, ni ho, wala.
I can forgive anything done to me. But it's a different story when it comes to my kids. If you're not making an effort to get to know my kids, then they don't need to know you. It took me a long time to learn that I shouldn't force myself on friends, guys, jobs, situations. Kung ayaw, eh di huwag, diba?
Why then should I force my children on people who don't care about them? My sons don't deserve that indignity. I say this with no anger at all. I'm over it frankly. Papa and I had forgiven each other before he died. Tapos na yun. But people ask what happened and here is the story. Now you know. It's sad. Some people say, "Para yun lang." It's not "yun lang" for me. Reject my kids, I reject you. Any good parent will do the same to protect their children. Even then, believe it or not, I have no anger or hate at all. Not even disappointment. I expected it after all.
People still ask sometimes, "Do you miss him? Do you regret not having a relationship with your Papa?" And I know they want me to say I do. And you know what? I also wish I could say I do.
Listen to this song. Remove the romance aspect of the lyrics and that's how I feel about Papa.
I want it to hurt. I want to hurt so badly because that would mean I lost something so vital, it hurts to breathe.
When Mama died, it truly felt like someone punched a hole through my chest. Until now, I whisper sometimes into the void, "I wish you could see me now, Mama. You'd be so proud of me." And I'd tell her about Vince, our perfect boys, my imperfect ways of mothering. I'd ask her did she feel as lost or as amazing as I do. I'd tell her my heart breaks when I realize she didn't have money many times, and I only understand the despair and fear now as a mother, too. And I come from a place of having enough when she raised us with barely enough to get by. I still talk to her, and for 15 years she hasn't talked back. I think I'll do this until we finally catch up in heaven.
But with Papa... I remember only one time when I cried. I was in a taxi. This was a few months after Papa died, still before the pandemic, and I was stuck in traffic. I saw another taxi idling by the curb on the other side of the street, the driver helping an old man load suitcases into the trunk. A young woman hurried to him with another bag. They both hugged like they'd never see each other again, and I knew she was flying off to work in another country. The taxi drove off (it wasn't traffic on that side of the road) and the old man stared after it for a long time. And that sad, longing, proud-parent smile broke me.
I never had that with Papa. When I left home, when I got married, when Mama died, when he left to live in Leyte, when my kids were born. Nothing. He was like, "Hey, this is it. So good luck." No joke, guys. Talagang wala lang talaga. I got more emotion and support for my life events from you, my blog readers, than from my own father.
I don't hate him. I'm not even angry at him. After our talk at the hospital as he hovered near death, I realized he didn't know what to do with me or act around me. He felt inadequate as a man, a husband, and as a father. He was ashamed. And he was afraid. That's why he never even tried. I came away from our talk reeling because Papa was one of the funniest, smartest, incredibly charming, and unbelievably talented men that walked this earth. And he had a beautiful wife! And beautiful, talented children and grandchildren! How could he not possess the confidence and grace of one so gifted?
I still feel this immense sadness for him, for Mama, and for my siblings. All the pain we went through! Sana nagalit na lang ako kasi I know how to deal with my anger. Kahit na ano pang laki ng liyab ng galit, nauubos din ito. But sadness is like the sea. And my sadness for this poor old man who lived his life in fear of disappointing everyone and so ended up disappointing everyone, who was so afraid to give so he took and took... My God, how my heart aches with sorrow for Papa!
But does my heart ache for him?
You know, I wish I missed him. I do. He doesn't occupy my thoughts unless people ask, and that so rarely. I miss the idea of a father. I see Vince being so involved in our sons' lives. I see Vince's dad swooping in when we need help. I see my friends doting on their daddies and their daddies still doting on them - note that my friends are middle-aged women like me! I read about God's provision, protection, and care for His children. And I miss that kind of fathering. And yet how can you miss something you never really had?
So sometimes - not all the time, and only when I stare long enough at fathers being daddies - I like to imagine that things were different.
I like to imagine that Papa cried at my wedding and gave an embarrassing speech that made everyone laugh and cry. I like to imagine he was there all the times I was pregnant, getting emotional that his daughter was now a mommy. I like to imagine loud Sunday lunches and my boys around their Lolo and his guitar on his knee and him singing to them in his wonderful voice. I like to imagine him giving me advice when I found marriage, motherhood, and life overwhelming and he'd say stuff like, "I wish your Mama could see you now. She'd be so proud of you."
I like to imagine he was proud of me.
The mind is a malleable thing and maybe my imaginings will turn into memories, which, though false, will be something I can hold on to. And maybe then I can finally grieve.
"I still love the people I've loved, even if I cross the street to avoid them."
Hi, everyone! I'm Frances. I'm the author of Not Invisible. I'm also a lifestyle and parenting writer, a book editor, the co-founder of Lean In Manila, and I have a day job in corporate communications. When I find time away from my busy life as all mentioned and as a wife and mom, I blog here.
Welcome to my blog! It's a 16-year-old honest and safe space for working moms, mothers of boys, and feminists (I just described all of myself). Thanks for dropping by!
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