TOPAZ HORIZON

...to myself.

Breathtakingly beautiful Steve Madden heels. Hot pink satin. Baby pink leather trim. Naughty ribbon around the sexy heel.

Bought the pair off eBay. I paid more than I usually allow myself for shoes. I winced when I handed over the cash. But you've got to agree that these heels are special.

Vince did. Well, of course...!

But as these had cost me a pretty penny, I'm going to declare these not just my birthday gift, but my Christmas and Valentine's gift to myself as well!

UPDATE: I wore them to my wedding on April 18, 2007. They were the best shoes I ever bought.

Photo from Pexels.com

I turned 30 this week, folks. And I gotta say it's not so bad at all. Vince told me that 33 is the crisis age ("Jesus saved the world at 33... What have I done?!") so I have 3 more happy years left, I guess! Although from how my life has turned out, I'd dare say that life is just getting better.

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When I was 10, I realized I wanted nothing more than to be a writer. Mama and papa weren't so happy with that but while they always made it clear they disapproved of my career choice, they nevertheless encouraged me to pursue it. So 20 years later, it's sweet to see my parents proud and happy that I've fulfilled a dream that may not have been theirs, but they accepted it anyway.

My gratitude to mama and papa is profound and endless.

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When I was 13, I decided I must be an editor-in-chief of a magazine by 35. Well, I was 29 when it happened. Though I'm not complaining (who would?!?), I confess I'm kinda at a loss right now on what to do next.

I want to be published. I've always wanted to write a book and be published. That will be the day... to see my work in black and white, bound and displayed on a bookstore shelf, and I can open the pages and sniff them, and realize in ecstasy that the words are mine.

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I'm not very good at fiction, although my Creative Writing professors and fellows at the UP National Writers Workshop may disagree (I hope!). Philippine writing greats Jing Hidalgo, Jimmy Abad and Butch Dalisay seem to have liked my fiction (I was likened to Raymond Carver but when I read him I felt we weren't similar at all!). Other esteemed local writers like Charlson Ong, however, sneered at my attempts.

I don't really mind because fiction isn't my forte; I'm more comfortable with essays. My professors Marra Lanot and Neil Garcia will maybe agree that I write non-fiction well. Even the formidable journalist Jo-Ann Maglipon told me I write well.

I've always been a competent essay writer. I'm very confident about that. What I'm not very confident about is getting a book out there. It's insane really. To hell with modesty but whenever I open a newspaper or a magazine here, all I read is terrible writing. Terrible! Some celebrated columnists in our major newspapers can't even get their prepositions right (Truth to tell, I like reading Tessa's column and Tim's... that's about it). At the very least you expect your newspapers and magazines to hire people who have their grammar down pat. But I know that these days, it's celebrity that matters, not competence.

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Aside from getting moody about the state of Philippine literature, I also am aghast at the state of local television. I have to watch local TV because I'm in the celebrity business, and it pains me. I am literally wincing. Watching local shows is like putting a gun to your head and blowing your brains out. Man, what a waste of life. The sadder and scarier thing about this all is majority of the 85 million Filipinos lap it up.

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Now this is what people should be watching...


Battlestar Galactica is the best television show I've watched in ages. Nothing else comes close. Absolutely nothing.

This sci-fi show is the best example of magnificent writing, dynamic special effects, emphatic human drama, and excellent acting.

I hope people will start watching stuff like BSG rather than the inane monstrosities out there.

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So I go back to my dilemma: What's left to do now that I've achieved my ambition at 30?

I don't know... Life is wonderful as it is. I'm in shock sometimes on how things have turned out so well. I used to think that happiness was for other people. Now I know better.

I like 30. It's a very good age to be.

Photo by Rowan Heuvel from https://stocksnap.io/

Since Vince and I have been together for 7 and a half years, a wedding is imminent. We've always been content with our current status but this year was exceptionally happy, so happy and blessed, we finally found ourselves talking about marriage.

Vince wants to give me a ring. I don't really care about getting a ring because I want a house instead (haha, pricier). Vince says we'll get a house anyway so that point is moot. And since we've been together for so long (and since Vince knows I'm so finicky about my things), Vince decreed he wants me to go pick my ring instead of him surprising me with something I, well, won't like.

So I found myself shopping for engagement rings. In my quest, I've pressured my friend AJ and my brother Theodore to get their girlfriends engagement rings, too. My bro was supposed to get a cheap ring for Rose (oh the horror!) after all it's the wedding that counts but it's a good thing he listens to some advice because now he got a really great jeweler to make him a fantastic ring! AJ, on the other hand, wants to spend a lot on Leah but since she's a practical soul, she's insisting she doesn't want anything too pricey. So looking for rings (mine and theirs) have been quite an adventure and an education.

Anyway, as I browsed through yet another jeweler's wares, it was then that I found it:

It's an oval blue sapphire ring surrounded by diamonds. It's lovely! It's so Princess Diana (and on local shores, so Lucy Torres). Sapphires are super perfect because they symbolize faithfulness. And I love that deep blue! I prefer yellow gold though. Anyway, I told Vince about it and this is what he said, "For our engagement, you better get a diamond."

Actually, I've always wanted a yellow topaz ring. That's my birthstone and I like the color yellow. But Vince said a big fat NO. He said topazes are semi-precious and therefore unacceptable for forever. After a year of hemming and hawing, he finally agreed I can choose sapphires or rubies. So if it's rubies we're going for, I like this one:
Doesn't that look royal? I found that on the Neiman Marcus website. The stones are actually garnet but you get the idea. Isn't it beautiful? It looks fit for a queen! But Vince said I should think of getting a traditional ring. He says marriage is all about tradition so I better choose a diamond.

Okay, I ain't complaining. After all diamonds are the most precious stones on earth. But I never liked diamonds. They're so... Traditional. Conventional. Expected. And I've never been any of those! And, really now, what's the point of making me pick my ring when I'm going to end up with a diamond after all? Ohhh ... I guess that's the reason I ended up with Vince. I'm used to having my own way, but when Vince puts his foot down, I obey. Yup, Vince is the only man on earth who can make me happily obey him. And I do believe that no matter what I get for our engagement (a ring, a watch, a house, or—best of all—a yummy kiss!), I'm a lucky lucky girl!

How's this, then?
You can't get any less traditional than this beauty. It's simple. And it will look perfect with the wedding rings we want to get—simple gold bands a la the ring in Lord of the Rings. If I'm going the diamond way, I might as well go as simple as possible.

I still want that sapphire ring, though. I can afford it, too. Maybe I'll just buy it for myself... After all, I am turning 30. I better start buying some serious jewelry...

Vince surprised me with roses. Two dozen long-stemmed pale peach buds that blushed pink in their very middle. There was no real reason for the flowers, but I was giddy with joy. I love that he loves to love me!

Photo by Alisa Anton from https://stocksnap.io/

(Note: This entry contains old posts from my former blog.)

MARRIAGE MATTERS
07/27/2005 09:35:53 PM

What a strange weekend I had. I was talking to Mama and Papa. The conversation inevitably turned to marriage plans—or rather the lack thereof. I know I'm 28, and for some unfortunate people, that age is ancient. I ought to be married and having babies by now. How funny really. I cannot stress enough that I am unlike many women—I have other ambitions.

I am not anti-marriage at all. I do believe in it. I totally respect that it is a sacred institution, a contract you do not go into lightly. And therefore, I have no romantic notions of it. While most girls dreamed of how they would look on their wedding day, I—at a very early age—had a startlingly clear concept of marriage: It is a life of complete and selfless service. So the gown, flowers and all of course had to be gorgeous and perfect! It's the last day you'll ever truly be your own true self. The rest of your life will be in servitude to your husband, your children and your now two families. Not that that's a bad thing, okay? A life of service can actually be filled with meaning. But do I have to rush into that?

Most of my early life, I had been taught to be a wife. I learned to cook, to clean, to wash and iron and mend clothes, to walk and sit and behave like a good wife should. Those skills are useful especially when you're living on your own. But back in the days, I resented the lessons so much (especially since I also had to actually serve everyone in the family—that's 10 of us. So you can understand that I'm quite tired of all this serving business). These skill were taught—not for my OWN benefit, but for the benefit of my future husband. 

It's hardly inspiring really, being told that I have to be beautiful all the time, and to be polite and pleasant, and charming and efficient, and dutiful, obedient and submissive—for an unknown MAN. I think parents should instruct all those things (which I believe are good) to their daughters and tell them it's for their own good, not because a man will benefit from such qualities one day. Parang bonus na lang yun, diba?

I do want to get married one day far off in the distant future. When I'm ready to serve. When I'm ready to lay down my life for people. When I'm ready to love—in all the true and deep and selfless sense of that word.

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ALL ABOUT VINCE
09/08/2005 10:30:31 AM

I'm in love. I would never have thought it can actually happen in real life but after six years five months and three days, I look at Vince and realize I'm still crazy about this guy!

Now, it's not been a bed of roses all those six years. We've fought. And then we've fought badly. But we talk and talk and talk till it's okay and then it's wonderful again. Well, even when we fight or during the bad times, it was never of utter despair because we knew we were going to work things out anyway. We have never ever broken up. It is never a prerogative. Will Smith was once asked why his marriage was so intact and he said, "There is no Plan B." He said that signing a prenuptial, thinking of divorce, preparing for a life without your significant other is Plan B. And when you have a Plan B, there's no way you're going to work hard to make Plan A work. Sensible man, this Will Smith. So is Vince.

That's one of the things I love about Vince. He's smart and very very logical. In all our time together, I have never felt bored with him. He always has something interesting to say. He's always poking around for something new to know and he's always encouraging me in my self-improvement pursuits. Like my French classes.

That's another thing I love about Vince. He's so secure and mature and supportive. He has no qualms about my wearing sexy clothes, dyeing my hair crazy colors, going out all night with people he doesn't know... He has never ever told me I can't do anything. He encourages me to state my opinions all the time, he encourages me to make friends, he loves hearing about my adventures without him, he respects my need to be alone, he understands my need to be unmarried and my fear of becoming a mother. He lets me be who I am. He just doesn't like green eyeshadow on me! Now—aside from the eyeshadow comment—the ability of a man to allow his woman to be who she is and to do what she wants speaks volumes about that man's capability to trust and respect his woman and himself.

A secure and confident man is hell of a lot sexy.


And sexiness is something I also love about Vince. Looking at him—quiet, slim, and so docile-looking—sex may be the last thing on your mind. But when I look at him or think about him, that's the first thing on my mind! And how can I not think about spending 24/7 wrapped around this man? This man who is so passionate and eager to please and sweet and romantic and funny and naughty and amazingly smart and an endless source of surprise?

Yup, that's Vince and more. A whole lot more. I'll never find someone like him. I'm deeply, madly, incredibly, tenderly, passionately in love with him. Hence, I'm looking forward to forever with this man.

COMMENT:
Justinne
09/10/2005 08:35:11 AM
Woohoo! There's two of us now. Thought I was the only one very much in love in this world. =P
But really, I'm so happy for you (and Vince, too). Always stay happy and in love, Franz dear!

Liz
09/29/2005 05:45:50 PM
Awwww...you're very lucky, but at the same time, Vince is very lucky to have you :-) One day, I hope I'll have that special someone too :-) But enough about me....Happy for you! :-)

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BLESSINGS GALORE!
11/16/2005 10:52:32 AM

I had a very interesting evening today. The editors of T3, Total Girl and OK! were invited to Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf at Promenade Greenhills. We learned how tea is made, the various types, the nuances in flavor, plus we got to sample their wonderful teas, breads and dishes. Man, I didn't even know cafés served real GOOD food! Well, they don't; that's why I can't stand those places. Then we had this evening at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf and my eyes were opened! Grabe, sarap! Vince and I were absolutely stunned at the tea they served. We have been tea drinkers for years but tonight, we are ashamed to call ourselves that. How can we be fans of tea and NOT KNOW what we learned and tasted tonight? Now we understand why the tea at supermarkets were reasonably priced—they taste awful compared to CBTL. There's no going back for us now!

This is one of the reasons why I love my job. I get to meet lots of people, learn new things, go to new places, and eat so well! For FREE!

Just recently, Lucy Torres taught us how to select cheeses for entertaining; I had a fantastic dinner (made my toes curl and my eyes roll in their sockets!) at the Manila Pen while I watched a fashion show; had a delightful afternoon with Audrey Tan and Rep. Miguel Zubiri talking about love and weddings; got to eat a whole meal made of the ingredients of Euphoria, a new perfume from CK (it was a fragrant experience, I must say); and was practically given a shopping spree by Debenhams (which I spent on mama, papa and Vince). That's just recently. I could go on and on about the many wonderful things I get to see and eat and do every month!

Growing up, I didn't have much. While I felt there was a world of experiences out there, I was always told I had enough, that I'm blessed, that I shouldn't look for more. Well, now experiencing all these things for free... NOW I can say I'm REALLY blessed!

It's amazing how the world is so full of beautiful things. Delightful things! Whenever I taste a treat like a delectable cheese platter served with dry wine and fruit, I am overwhelmed at how God can create such wonders and how He has given people the talent to put together these awesome dishes and how He has given me the senses to experience them. I mean, when the flavors hit your tongue, the smells, the textures, the gorgeous colors of the food... that's when you know how it really feels to be alive! I feel the same way when I go see a fashion show with beautiful clothes and design, or when I meet people who are so talented and driven to use their life for some good, or when I get products that work like magic because they make me look fabulous almost instantly, or when I go to places and I see how breathtaking the world really is. I mean, how can you NOT believe there is a God when you get to experience all these wonderful things?

Makes me wonder why my parents insisted that we remain poor to be holy. WHY?! How can you appreciate life and God when you're miserable?

COMMENT:
Justinne
11/16/2005 05:50:18 PM
Amen! God is really amazing. I just love Him!!!
Anyway, una muna, let me greet you a happy belated birthday. :D Pangalawa, paumanhin po at hindi ako nakapagparamdam nung huling uwi ko. :P Promise, I will contact you pag-uwi namin sa December. I hope you won't be too busy, though. Pero kahit pa busy ka, kailangang magkita tayo. Miss na kita e. :) Muahz!

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